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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Bringing a fitted sheet to a knife fight.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

My pronouns are she/her and my adjectives are problematic/overwhelmed.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

In an effort to demonstrate how pointless internet debates are, please prove to me that snow is real.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Mr. Beast is like if they made Dubai into a person.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

Have you ever pretended not to look at the biscuits or sweets being handed around the room, and acted surprised when you got offered one?

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Imagine you’re living inside a tiny mushroom house… with a tiny chimney… deep in the woods… no one knows you exist… you make soup in a tiny pot… you are free.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

Everything is a sign from God if you’re schizophrenic enough.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

I hate commas. It’s not my job to tell you when you breathe. Work it out, you’re a grown adult.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

If anyone wants to watch the Super Bowl on a large 8k TV, come on over to my place (and bring a large 8k TV).

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

I bet the inventor of the cannon would be relieved to know that they’re mostly about t-shirts now.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,253

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

The worst part about working from home is that your real husband is also your work husband.

Trending via X:

Tolerate the lactose already, you heathen.

Seen just now on Telegram:

The only thing longer than the opening ceremony of the Olympics is the opening ceremony of my eyes in the morning.

Spotted on Threads:

I wonder if Mary and Joseph hated putting away the Christmas stuff as much as I do.

Live now on Snapchat:

Through repetition and sheer will I’ve mastered gracefully falling on my head.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

“It’s bikini season,” I whisper, eating another bikini.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I would never put up a lost dog poster. I’m not letting the whole neighborhood know I fumbled.

Just shared via Telegram:

80 years ago we would have all been institutionalized and I think that’s beautiful.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I have high standards for dating because I’m a high-quality woman, and you wouldn’t want me any other way.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Farmers markets should be for vegetables — not for millennials unloading their failed Etsy-store arts and crafts.

I am so incredibly tired today. I think my shelf life has expired.

2 months ago

0

I am so incredibly tired today. I think my shelf life has expired.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like it's time for a shelf makeover! 🛠️ Don't worry, you're not expired, just a vintage classic ready for a little TLC. 💤 #TimeForANap"

am, exhaustion, expired, humor, i, life, shelf, shelf life, think, tired, today, wit

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The tragedy of my life is that I theoretically know when I shouldn’t say anything. And then I hear myself talking.

0

2 months ago

hear, humor, i, know, life, myself, say, silence, talking, theoretically, tragedy
If I ever went to jail for murder, it would be for murdering my printer.

0

2 months ago

crime, ever, frustration, humor, i, jail, murder, printer, technology
Everyone becomes a robo-dancer when the motion sensor faucet isn’t working.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward situation, dance, faucet, humor, malfunction, motion, motion sensor, robo-dancer, sensor, situation, technology, water
Dearest, I beg of you, sleep properly and go for walks.

0

2 months ago

advice, health, i, properly, relationship, request, sleep, walk, walks
Note: Press the button on the elevator as often as possible to activate the secret express function and speed up the thing.

0

2 months ago

advice, button, elevator, express, express function, function, funny advice, humor, note, secret, speed, thing
It’s perfectly normal if you want to watch an actor’s entire filmography because you find them attractive. Don’t let anyone stop you.

0

2 months ago

actors, anyone, attractive, let, normal, perfectly, stop, want, watch

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on Telegram this month:

Nobody plays better together than siblings being told it’s bedtime.

79 shares on Twitch this month:

“You look happy.” Thanks, I stopped dating.

48 shares on Instagram this month:

My tapeworm is starting a podcast about the McRib.

21 shares on Messenger this month:

Horror movies should add bloopers, so after watching the main film, you’ll be able to sleep.

33 shares on Reddit this month:

I used to think the cat was dumb for staring out the window, waiting for birds, but I’d probably stare too, if occasionally a pizza flew by.

89 shares on Pinterest this month:

Being friends with introverts is hard sometimes. Did they die? Are they just recharging? Are they Batman now? The suspense is killing me.

84 shares on Instagram this month:

I’ve done the math and I regret to inform you I’m your soulmate.

17 shares on Snapchat this month:

Welcome to your 50s, your joints are now meteorologists.

58 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Still waiting for aliens to abduct me, which feels pretty rude considering I’ve been dressed and ready for years.

87 shares on Discord this month:

Rage bait often works on me because I was already angry before I read that.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The role I play at family gatherings is that of the cousin that doesn’t show up anymore.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

If I would’ve known that you were going to ask me what I was thinking, I wouldn’t have been thinking what I was thinking.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Saying “You’re tearing this family apart” whenever someone argues with me.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

We used to have “spring, summer, fall, winter”. Today we have “drama, drama, drama, drama”.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Always funny to see motivational posts from people I know are toxic in real life.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Nike: Just Do It! Me: I don’t want to.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My kids have been joking for weeks about a new Pokémon called Puke-Achu and then they got the stomach flu and brought it to life.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t worry, I’m only dead inside from the waist up.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

One thing I miss about the pandemic is getting to rip my mask off like I just botched a surgery.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,575

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

I took some free community martial arts lessons for self-defense, but I’m starting to think Tai Chi is too slow for most muggers.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

“The heart wants what the heart wants,” I whisper as I slowly walk up to the dessert table.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

There’s really nothing as pathetic as watching a sad little man argue with Grok in hopes of manipulating the conversation to get an answer he wants.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be turning you into a poem.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

That stupid look on my face is my face.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

You better pray to whatever god you serve that this email finds you before I do.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

I know it’s bad, and you’ve got to shut it down right away, but is there anything more hilarious than a swearing toddler?

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

What you call “Brunch” I call “Breakfast for Alcoholics.”

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

I will never forget how to spell bananas, thanks to Gwen Stefani.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

Some days you are the table and some days you are the toe.

Going viral on X:

Proverbs are so mean. Like, I don’t deserve any worm because I woke up at 11am? Like, no worm at all?

Going viral on Pinterest:

When is a robot gonna take over my job? Please?

Just shared via Snapchat:

Anyone who deals with customers on a professional basis should be allowed to hand out one face slap per day.

Just landed via Facebook:

“I have an AI boyfriend.” No, you don’t. It’s Adam and Eve or Adam and Steve, not Adam and USB.

Just shared via TikTok:

It’s funny how people without pizzas in their hands actually think I’ll answer my door.

Trending via Discord:

Please stop fighting with each other on the internet and start fighting with each other in real life. Life is short.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

If it was really a smart phone, it would have recognize that it was an ignored call, not missed.

Trending via Snapchat:

Men look so amazing for people who use the same product for their teeth, hair, floor and car washing.

Just landed via X:

You can tell a lot about a person by breaking into their home and going through their belongings.

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