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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Easy there, unsaved number.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Of course I look tired, it’s hard pretending to be awake.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

We work all week to work some more around the house all weekend long. Isn’t life grand?

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

“I read 20 books this year!” That’s nothing. I read 50,000 tweets.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Sorry I’m late. Had to scroll back to my birth year.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

I love saying “You’re welcome!” really loudly when someone hasn’t thanked me.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

I bought my antidepressants off of Temu and now I glow in the dark.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Don’t be part of the problem. Be all of it.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

Sorry for being so cringey and awkward. It will definitely happen again.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Jan 5, 2026

3,583

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I love how bananas just take over the whole smoothie. You can never dim her light.

Spotted on Messenger:

How do you know I’m not just a figment of your imagination?

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Couples who finish each other’s sentences have killed before and will kill again.

Making waves on TikTok:

A good French onion soup will have you acting like a pervert.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Human interaction is a great way to learn all the new swear words your subconscious mind has come up with in the lab.

Just shared via Slack:

Not gonna lie, the age I’m turning this year sounds a little serious, and I don’t like it.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Lie about the gap in your resume. Tell them you had to help some Hobbits take a ring to Mordor or something.

Just landed via X:

Little do my friends know they’re healing me every time we hang out.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

This meeting could have been a cake.

I can’t be the only person who thinks the presidential debate should be performed as a rap battle.

2 months ago

0

I can’t be the only person who thinks the presidential debate should be performed as a rap battle.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Absolutely! 🎤💥 Imagine the candidates dropping sick rhymes instead of political jargon! 🎶🔥 Who needs policy discussions when you have savage bars being thrown left and right? 😂 Let's turn the White House into the Rap House! 🏠🎵

battle, debate, humor, i, opinion, performance, person, politics, presidential, rap, should

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I told the trees what you did. Be wary when you enter the forest next.

0

2 months ago

adventure, enter, forest, humor, i, nature, next, secret, told, trees, warning
Monday is already sending me threatening glances from across the room.

0

3 months ago

across, glance, humor, me, Monday, motivation, personification, procrastination, room, threat, threatening, workweek
Therapy isn’t enough, she needs to know people congratulated me when we broke up.

0

2 months ago

breakup, broke, congratulations, emotional, emotional support, enough, humor, know, me, needs, people, relationship, support, therapy
As you get older, it’s amazing how fast bird-watching creeps up on you…

0

5 months ago

age, aging, amazing, bird-watching, birdwatching, creeps, fast, hobby, humor, nature, older, older age, pastime, surprise
I bought a watermelon and all I can think about is filling it with vodka.

0

2 months ago

drink, fruit, funny idea, humor, i, idea, mixology, party, summer, think, vodka, watermelon
I just refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good to watch.

0

2 months ago

bite, entertainment, food, good, humor, i, just, priorities, procrastination, refuse, single, something, take, watch

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on Reddit this month:

The shrooms told me that we need to get our shit together. That humanity is a bundle of bad habits. I’m headed back in a few weeks, and they need a response from us. What do I tell them?

90 shares on Pinterest this month:

Some people identify as funnier than they actually are.

51 shares on TikTok this month:

I’ve decided to cut my carbs… into smaller pieces before eating them.

73 shares on X this month:

My dream DUI is driving a Saab through the Great British Bake Off tent.

33 shares on Threads this month:

Cleaning the rocks of the earth one load of my kids’ laundry at a time.

73 shares on Threads this month:

Sorry, I wasn’t really listening but that’s awesome, unless it isn’t of course.

30 shares on Snapchat this month:

Be the reason someone smiles today. Or blocks you. Whatever.

53 shares on WeChat this month:

“Stop overthinking.” Oh, wow. Hadn’t considered that. Solved.

33 shares on Telegram this month:

If I had a bf, I’d be a gf.

95 shares on Instagram this month:

Boys say that girls are dramatic, but have you ever plucked a man’s eyebrow? They act like they’ve been shot.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I would describe my personal style as whatever is on top of the pile of clothes on the floor.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Somethіng wrong іn your lіfe? There’s a nap for that.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

You only realize how heavy your handbag really is when your car tells you that your passenger is not wearing a seatbelt.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

You have to stay up as needlessly late as possible to make the next day as horrible and hard as possible.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Cheesecake dislikers are attention seekers.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I do not use AI, I use Reddit commenters’ opinions as fact because they are right.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe I prefer my ducks scattered about.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Guns N’ Roses: “Welcome to the jungle!” The jungle: “No more humans, please!”

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Hired a financial advisor, and his first piece of advice was that I don’t make nearly enough money to justify paying a financial advisor.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

You can pronounce it “Nude Jersey” and no one will know.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,329

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare his wife when he sneezes.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Tryna choke on gummy bears so my tombstone can read ‘killed by a bear’

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

Enjoying the consequences of my actions.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

The way people who are really into each other look moments before kissing is so hot. It’s like seeing a glimpse of cannibalism.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Why can’t I explore the dentist’s mouth too?

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

I need a stunt double for when I’m navigating my way to the bathroom at night.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Some people aren’t just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Texting my boss to let him know how excited I am for work tomorrow.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Every girl has a dude in her inbox talking to himself.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

The more I insisted marshmallows were vegetables, the angrier my doctor got.

Going viral on Twitch:

My stomach just made the exact sound of the “your” in “your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system.”

Seen just now on Twitch:

I’ve walked the walk, but nowadays I just sit the sit.

Going viral on Instagram:

Ugh, sometimes I just wish there was a song about liking to move it, move it.

Seen just now on Discord:

Hey babe, wanna come over and fold me like a fitted sheet?

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I love traveling because I love to check if I have my passport every 3-4 minutes.

Trending via Telegram:

Not to brag, but I just stood up without making a sound. Don’t be jealous.

Live now on Threads:

If you turn your phone off for 1 day, you’ll realize it’s still 2007 outside.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I get it, funds… I, too, am insufficient.

Going bananas on WeChat:

One day you’re 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you’re 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice.

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