I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life, or they are living it to the fullest.

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Taking a guy from skinny jeans to linen trousers, that’s my way of giving back to society.

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Normalise following up to an ignored email with “helllooooooo?”

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Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either.

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Trust my gut? The thing that makes weird gurgling noises immediately when a work meeting goes quiet.

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You look like the kind of person whose recorded calls have been used for training purposes.

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Plot twist: weed is addicted to me.

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Sleeping in is the most efficient way to find out which morning rituals you can actually do without.

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You can’t spell dyslexia without sexy.

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They should invent a day where I don’t think.

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Blaming the full moon for whatever unhinged decision I make tonight.