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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡¬ has copied:

I miss when my hardest decision was Nickelodeon or Cartoon Network.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡ͺ has copied:

April Fool’s next week and still no one has asked me to be their fool.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ή has copied:

December, give me a sweet ending for this year please.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§ has copied:

If I were Noah, I’d bring three of every animal just to create some drama.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡² has viewed:

It’s messed up how us humans have to obey all these laws while bears get to eat whoever they want.

Someone from πŸ‡ΎπŸ‡ͺ has bookmarked:

I’m not like other teenagers, I’m 51.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¬ has shared:

I caught my husband eating the last of the ice cream last night. First of all, we are supposed to be dieting together. Second of all, I was going to eat that.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡ͺ has downloaded:

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ύ has viewed:

God, I was so happy when I was 18. I wasn’t at the time, but in retrospect I was.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡― has shared:

I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,721

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just landed via Twitch:

Long distance relationships can work if the four of you all truly trust each other.

Breaking via Telegram:

I love unfollowing people. You have displeased me for the last time. Leave my sight.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

That moment when you have to restart a song because the conversations in your head got too loud and you missed half the song.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Stop normalizing things, we’ll run out of the weird shit.

Live now on WeChat:

Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.

Live now on TikTok:

My credit score is a family of raccoons hissing over a McRib.

Broadcasted on X:

One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.

Shared recently on Discord:

It’s Monday, but at what cost?

Seen just now on Discord:

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have a favorite vegetable peeler.

Live now on Reddit:

Aliens are gonna be super confused when they show up threatening to overthrow our leaders and we’re all stoked and offer to help.

I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.

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I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.
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Commentary:
Looks like those sneaky little masterminds have cracked the code! πŸ§’πŸ”“πŸ‘ Who needs a key when you've got determination and bendy little fingers, right? πŸ˜„ Just remember, it's all fun and games until they discover your secret stash of chocolate! 🍫 #KidsWillBeKids

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

Social Media Stars ⭐

24 shares on Twitch this month:

30s: Oh look, a dance floor! 50s: Oh look, a couch!

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

Call me old, but these days I just get excited to go home and lay down.

33 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Who really needs jetpacks, I want to be able to start over from my last save point.

47 shares on Slack this month:

Messages are way funnier when you know how the person talks.

86 shares on Threads this month:

To-do list: bite the hand that feeds me, put all my eggs in one basket, kill two birds with one stone, let the cat out of the bag, think inside the box, burn bridges, walk on thin ice, play with fire.

57 shares on Instagram this month:

Back to work at last! I couldn’t sleep for sheer anticipation.

21 shares on Threads this month:

Every time you give someone the benefit, they deliver the doubt.

46 shares on Messenger this month:

That’s not fat. It’s bonus content.

52 shares on Telegram this month:

So, Earth is basically auditions for heaven and hell.

30 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Why is there so much day left at the end of my energy?

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

How old were you when you realized others couldn’t see the matrix?

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’m not β€œdating to marry” or β€œdating for fun.” I’m dating for a secret third reason.

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Finally, we’re living through precedented times.

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Addicted to eating one gigantic meal a day like a reptile.

20 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Being lazy has its advantages. I still have most of my winter fat from last year.

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Welcome to your late 40s! From now on you will no longer be in β€œgood health” but in β€œgood health for your age”.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

It actually is crazy how many people I know would benefit from being visited by three ghosts.

22 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

You are depressed because your ancestors fought, danced, and ate meals together, and you eat alone in the dark while staring at a glowing rectangle.

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Internet strangers offer the best advice.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,302

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΎπŸ‡ͺ has copied:

I keep forgetting i’m at the age where people will tell me they’re pregnant and my reaction is supposed to be positive.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡« has copied:

β€œStop bouncing your leg!” It’s either this or I start screaming.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ό has downloaded:

I’m not feeling very worky today.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡Ί has viewed:

When physical labor became optional, we invented the gym. We’ll need the same thing for the mind.

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡Έ has bookmarked:

Having to pee really puts things into perspective. Like, OK, none of this matters.

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡Ί has downloaded:

β€œI’m asking Santa to bring some of you a sense of humor for Christmas.”

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡ͺ has viewed:

I am very depressed and in a really bad mood. Perhaps it will get better if I sit inside on a beautiful day and dwell compulsively.

Someone from πŸ‡΄πŸ‡² has downloaded:

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡© has viewed:

Called myself to see if I’d answer, sent me to voicemail. Twice.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡¦ has copied:

They get real weird at the gun store if you walk in crying and asking for “the biggest one”.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Freshly posted on Threads:

Deleting university to focus on Twitter.

Going viral on Telegram:

Kids should get the last name of whichever parent has more followers.

Trending via Snapchat:

Willem Dafoe gets to be in two different Nosferatu movies, whereas the average person doesn’t even get to be in one.

Broadcasted on Slack:

That depressing moment when you pull up to work and the building is not engulfed in flames.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Good morning, townsfolk. I’m here to slay the monsters.

Breaking via Twitch:

I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.

Spotted on YouTube:

I love being an adult and sitting absolutely still and suddenly I’ve hurt my neck somehow.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

There are two types of people in politics. Avoid them.

Going viral on Threads:

What would boomers do without their paper shredder?

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Starting to think I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

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