I did the math and a second job would help me get out of debt as long as I start it twelve years ago.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

My savings account has been empty for so long that a Spirit Halloween just opened up inside it.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Horror movies have ruined the joy of skinny-dipping for me.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Time needs a speed limit.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

You’ve agreed to go out with me, so that’s going to immediately count against you.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

“The only thing standing between you and your dreams is you!” Yeah, have you met me? That’s gonna be a problem.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

If you love someone, let them sleep.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

When I’m on hold and the song ends, I always expect someone to pick up the phone.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

It’s like my therapist always says, that’ll be $175.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Imagine how scary sharks would be if they wore necklaces made out of our teeth.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

The secret ingredient to being really funny is childhood trauma.