Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • I saw a spider crawl under my kid’s bed and was too tired to go after it, but that’s okay, no living creature can survive that environment.
  • Can’t wait to put up holiday lights so life can be equally crappy but festively so.
  • I’m afraid to go to therapy — what if they fix me and I lose my funny?
  • You can pronounce it “Nude Jersey” and no one will know.
  • If i had $5 for every time I said up yours to someone, my butler would be saying it for me.
  • Did the people you had a crush on always like you back or are you funny?