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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

The night is dark and full of terrors. My day is long and full of meetings. Same thing.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Being called by your real name in a relationship kinda sounds like a divorce.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Imagine hating on me and I’m just sitting there in the corner, in the spotlight, losing my religion.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

I said it was my favorite show, I didn’t say it was good.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer the term selective participation.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

“We’re the only species that drinks milk after infancy, dairy is bad for you!” We’re also the only species that drinks peach mango pineapple spirulina kale smoothies, Karen. Let me eat my cheese in peace.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

My housemates are convinced our house is haunted. I’ve lived here for 274 years and not noticed anything strange.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

What a strange day. And it has been for years.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

I am like the weather. Temporarily friendly.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

If snails are so slow, why don’t we ever see them coming? It’s just BAM, there’s a snail.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,381

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Gatekeeping how insanely handsome I am by looking like total shit all the time.

Going bananas on Threads:

Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit. So proud of myself. It was a scarf, but still, let’s be positive here.

Going viral on WeChat:

“Baby on board” Okay, well, can you tell him to drive faster?

Making waves on WeChat:

First date idea: we walk around a graveyard and guess how people died.

Just shared via X:

Whoever named frogs got it 100% right. Those things are frogs.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Later is the best time to do anything.

Trending via X:

I’m like … if parking too far away from the curb was a person.

Making waves on Threads:

I avoid those club cameras like my life depends on it.

Just landed via WeChat:

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

Trending via Twitch:

At this point, if you buy Tesla, everyone is just going to assume you are a loser.

I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.

2 months ago

0

I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the secret behind health, wit, and dance floor domination – all in a humble glass of wine 🍷💃 Here's to staying sharp and agile, one sip at a time! Cheers to keeping the doctor away with a side of sass and style 😉🥂 #WineWisdom"

benefit, comeback, dance, dance move, enjoy, enjoyment, glass, glasses, health, health benefit, humor, i, move, moves, night, night routine, routine, wine, witty, witty comeback

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.

0

2 months ago

caring, city, close-knit, distance, family, happiness, humor, irony, relationships
Tired of my landlord depending on my rent. Bro, get a job.

0

3 months ago

bro, humor, job, landlord, rent, sarcasm, tired
Women aren’t complicated. Just give us attention and leave us alone.

0

2 months ago

alone, attention, communication, give, humor, just, leave, relationship, simplicity, women
Hug your children as often as you can. They can’t break things during this time.

0

2 months ago

affection, bonding, break, children, family, hug, humor, parenting, things, time
I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t make worse.

0

2 months ago

comedy, humor, i, irony, life, never, problem, self-deprecation, worse
I asked Tom Hanks for his autograph, but all he wrote was thanks.

0

2 months ago

asked, autograph, celebrity, hanks, humor, i, misunderstanding, signature, thanks, tom, Tom Hanks

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on Facebook this month:

Googled my symptoms and it turns out it’s just the politics.

25 shares on Facebook this month:

All of my problems boil down to me being bad at being alive.

84 shares on Discord this month:

Laying next to my charger waiting for my phone to die, that’s how lazy I am.

78 shares on Facebook this month:

The sexual tension between me and the person I’m not supposed to have any sexual tension with.

52 shares on Discord this month:

So many people say they love their Roomba, but you never see them set it free.

82 shares on TikTok this month:

I hate it when I do the math about where my money went, and it all adds up. No one robbed me; I didn’t lose it. It was really all me.

99 shares on Discord this month:

How do I gracefully leave this party early but also take the queso dip with me?

37 shares on Messenger this month:

I do not like FaceTime unless we’re best friends or I’m in love with you.

52 shares on TikTok this month:

Landlord: I’m raising your rent. Me: Am I getting a bigger house?

26 shares on Telegram this month:

Being in college when The Chainsmokers dropped Closer was an experience to say the least.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t fall in love. It’s bad.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst part about borrowing money is having to pay it back or move to a new city.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

If Pokémon were real, state fairs would serve them deep fried on a stick.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Me pulling into a full parking lot: Don’t these people have homes?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Anyone else who tells their pets every time they leave the house that they’ll be back soon?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter is the black sheep of the web, always in the corner, loudly arguing with itself.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Babies will literally step on your face just to grab what they want.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I just realized boobytrap backwards spells partyboob.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My dad must pay my monthly cell phone bill as atonement for his original sin of creating my consciousness.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t have any generational wealth but I did inherit a great spaghetti sauce recipe.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,636

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

I put the mess in domestic.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

For a long time, I didn’t know what to do with my strange thoughts. Then I signed up for Facebook.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

Horrifying if literal: my girlfriend is a gym rat.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

I don’t know much, but I do know melancholia is a way cooler diagnosis than depression.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Just gave my boyfriend an incorrect direction in the car, and he sighed and muttered to himself, “Never assign to malice what can be attributed to incompetence.”

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Turning regret into ulcers since the day I was born.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

If Wonka had a spaghetti factory, I’d get sucked into a marinara river tube so fast.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Before they perfected the Q-tip, you have to wonder what kinds of horrific things went wrong with tips A-P.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Sorry I’m late, my dog was sleeping in the shape of a donut and I had to take so many photos.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

I can admit that I am intrigued by people weirder than I am.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Silence is golden. But duct tape is silver.

Just shared via Reddit:

Growing your own tomatoes really is the best way to devote 3 months of your life to saving $2.17.

Shared recently on Threads:

Accidentally manifested an emotionally intelligent man that is hot and can cook. We’re currently staring at each other.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

There is certainly no life on other planets. Otherwise our government would have sent money there long ago.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Everybody is fighting a battle that you don’t know about, because of the first rule of Fight Club.

Spotted on YouTube:

Be the reason someone smiles today. Or blocks you. Whatever.

Going viral on Instagram:

Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m in preschool or school… Oh wait, I’m at work.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

A chocolate advent calendar is a test of restraint that I simply do not have.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I have high standards for dating because I’m a high-quality woman, and you wouldn’t want me any other way.

Spotted on Discord:

Whatever doesn’t kill you is probably still trying.

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