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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Damn boy, are you a horoscope? Because I’m selectively focusing on the parts of you that make sense for me.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

If the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree, my kids are screwed.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

We’re all just a bunch of addicts, struggling with our drug of choice.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

Girls with long hair will literally leave little traces of themselves wherever they go, like feathers falling from an angel’s wings.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

No, I can’t tonight. I already have plans to look at my phone somewhere else.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

I’m going to bed, everyone. Try to keep it down.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Please respond to the messages I almost sent you.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to run my brain through the dishwasher.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

I have no issue with people talking in the morning. But not with me, please!

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

House sitting for friends while they’re out of town. Never knew my buddy kept a diary.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,461

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Do people with lip filler know that they look like that?

Just landed via Slack:

Death cannot harm me more than you have harmed me, my beloved life.

Making waves on YouTube:

This is the fastest December in the history of all December.

Spotted on Facebook:

If I ever had to fight a bear, I hope it’s a gummy bear.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

They’re making me do work at work.

Shared recently on Twitch:

It’s just a matter of time until they add “syndrome” after my name.

Trending via Twitch:

Americans are funny, man. “It’s 72 degrees outside.” Bro, I don’t speak oven.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Most puns make me feel numb, but math puns make me feel number.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

“Life is a marathon, not a sprint.” Cool, I dislike both of those things.

Seen just now on Discord:

Cute how I complain that my kids are spoiled when I’m the one who spoils them.

I hate it when I imagine how a conversation will go and then in the actual conversation the person goes off script. That’s not your line, man.

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I hate it when I imagine how a conversation will go and then in the actual conversation the person goes off script. That’s not your line, man.
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Commentary:
Oh, the classic case of someone ad-libbing in life's script, throwing off your carefully rehearsed lines! 🎭 It's like when you're play-acting a conversation in your head, and the other person decides to improvise on you! 😂 Stay on cue, people! #LifeIsNotARehearsal

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on Slack this month:

I hate when cashiers feel the need to check if my money is real. If I could make counterfeit money, I wouldn’t be at the Dollar Tree, Karen.

26 shares on Reddit this month:

Who needs a period calendar when I know I’ll have it when I’m crying over nonsense things.

20 shares on Twitch this month:

The only thing worse than a nightmare is waking up from a great dream before you get to see how it ends.

19 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m at that age where someone can call me the wrong name and I’m just like “whatever, I’ll be Dan for a minute”.

97 shares on Snapchat this month:

Job interview: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical.

52 shares on Threads this month:

I love to see “pan-fried” on a menu. I hate food that’s fried in a shoe.

67 shares on Twitch this month:

If you voted for someone because “he’s not a politician”, then I hope your next colonoscopy is done by a plumber.

87 shares on Facebook this month:

Please respond to the messages I almost sent you.

45 shares on Instagram this month:

Saw a guy reading a book and writing notes in it. Not enough words in there for ya, bud?

30 shares on Snapchat this month:

All dogs are therapy dogs. The majority are just freelancing.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

My phone and it’s charger are in a situationship and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear people, who drive without music playing, what do you do with your brain?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Your honor, my client would like to play on his phone for a little bit

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Guess I’ll be getting the same thing for Christmas, again. Fat!

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Halloween is the only day you can ghost someone and blame it on being festive.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after a vacation.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Chip bags should be clear, show me what you want me to pay $6 for, cowards.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I got a bumper sticker that says, “Honk if you think I’m pretty.” Sometimes I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Stop blaming everyone for your problems. Pick one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,592

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Humanity doesn’t deserve a new year, look at the mess they made of the last one.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

Can I come over and overstay my welcome?

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Gordon Ramsay is only funny because he’s not talking to me like that.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

No one knows what I’m up to, not even me.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

I just want someone who can read a book with me in silence, and then do ungodly things sometimes.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Talking to animals doesn’t make you crazy, hearing them talk back does.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

The only way I’m gonna hit the gym is if I accidentally drive into it.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

You can’t get a good night’s sleep anymore because of woke.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Dress for the demons you want, not the demons you have.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

I’ve come to the conclusion that my guardian angel is very possessive about me.

Going viral on Facebook:

Money saved by using public transport instead of an Uber is paid for with your time and mental health instead.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Imagine falling in love and then finding out that they put antlers on their car for the holidays.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Skinning your knee as an adult is so humiliating. That’s the toddler injury.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

The sexual tension between me and not finishing the last 2 episodes of a drama.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Actually, no one sees you at your worst like your coworkers do.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I don’t post for money or fame, I post because there’s something seriously wrong with me.

Going viral on Messenger:

I once let a really short guy be the big spoon and it felt like I went to bed with a backpack on.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

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