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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Oh, to live in simpler times, when there was nothing to do but sit by the seashore and contemplate the miracle of existence.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Dear food, either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

I know so many people with cats, and only a tiny number of them went to a shelter and picked out a cat. Everyone else I know with a cat has a story that’s like, ‘Yeah, he just moved in.’

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out?

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

My workout goals are simple: I’d just like to be able to get up off the floor without looking like a turtle trying to flip itself back over.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Spongebob never let anyone dull his whimsical spirit.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

If you’re riding in my car, that little middle piece is for my elbow — not yours.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Stop blaming others for your mistakes. Study Feng Shui and blame the furniture.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

I wonder if my date ever found her way out of that corn maze.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

I tell my kids winning isn’t everything and then I steal money from the monopoly bank.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,670

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

I don’t understand the phrase “You can’t have your cake and eat it” because if I have cake, what the hell else am I supposed to do with it.

Live now on LinkedIn:

The main cause of immigration is we’re still a country where people want to go, but we’re working on fixing that.

Just shared via Facebook:

Dates are weird, like, okay I guess I’ll dress up for my romantic interview.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I don’t care if my parents are disappointed in me, I’m not impressed by them either.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

I am so out of shape right now, that if someone yelled “run for your life!” I’d be like “ya’ll go ahead, I’m meetin’ Jesus today!”

Spotted on Instagram:

Every McDonald’s should have a flag they fly at half mast when the ice cream machine is down.

Just landed via Telegram:

In honor of the winter solstice, I also will be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

Trending via Snapchat:

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making all of the food that is unhealthy for you taste so good.

Spotted on Telegram:

If I let you into my life, I am either emotionally invested or you are a grilled cheese sandwich.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Calling someone a “tough cookie” isn’t a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

I have found that there is usually a lot of day left at the end of my patience.

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I have found that there is usually a lot of day left at the end of my patience.
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Commentary:
"Patience is a virtue, they say… but so is finishing tasks before you lose your mind! 😅 Looks like there's always an extra supply of daylight lingering when your patience is running on low batteries. ⏳🌞 #JustAnotherDayInPatienceLand"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

91 shares on Threads this month:

I have entirely too many new bruises for someone who isn’t getting laid.

36 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ll be like “I’m fine” then shake my leg at 150 mph.

33 shares on Pinterest this month:

I believe libraries are our proof that we once valued curiosity.

91 shares on Telegram this month:

Why did they call it an Amazon wishlist and not an ‘Oughttobuyography’.

99 shares on Pinterest this month:

Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.

81 shares on YouTube this month:

In my 20’s: might hit the club tonight. In my 40’s: might go to the grocery store to listen to some bangers.

84 shares on Facebook this month:

Cleaning a house with children in it is like shoveling snow on the North Pole.

81 shares on Telegram this month:

Some days you’re the shit and some days you’re the fan.

62 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My southern family thinks my daily routine in NYC is that I wake up, try really hard not to get stabbed by a knife, and then I go see a musical.

86 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Being a people pleaser that no one is pleased with is the main cause of my anxiety.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Scrolling should count as cardio.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

My boss was like, “People working from home are just pretending to work,” and it’s like, dude, what do you think I’m doing in the office?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Time to get off the internet, I’ve already had enough stupid for the week.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

What if AirPods had tongues and they started licking the inside of your ears to indicate they’re low on battery?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Bedrotting is so nice. Just lying in bed, using your phone comfortably.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Keep your temper. Nobody else wants it.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting to know someone these days is impossible. No one is really single, everyone has something going on, is hung up on their ex or is otherwise damaged in some way.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re bored when you’re alone, obviously you’re in bad company.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

In a previous life I may have been a carrier pigeon, in that all I ever think about is going home.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,423

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Just had my biannual teeth cleaning like some barn animal.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

There’s endless songs out there about love and pain and life, but basically only one about the wheels on the bus. Just goes to show you they nailed it the first try.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

My favorite thing to do at the gym is stay home and eat a piece of cake.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Yes, I’m full of microplastics, but it’s actually been helpful. It’s given me superpowers. I can communicate with Tupperware.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Major cheat code in life: ask for the big, unreasonable thing. The universe meets you at your level of audacity.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Is the elephant in the room with us right now?

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

Twitter is like talking to yourself in public and some random dude walking by agrees with you.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

They should make a Wikipedia for normal people. I should be able to google my barista.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

This meeting could have been a cave painting.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

I just tried to poach an egg and I now understand why Eggs Benedict is $23

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Sitting with my legs really wide to experiment with gender.

Trending via Messenger:

The most realistic scene in Star Wars was when Darth Vader lost his cool during a staff meeting and used the force to choke a coworker.

Spotted on TikTok:

Have you tried making guacamole about it?

Freshly posted on Discord:

It’s Monday, but at what cost?

Live now on Messenger:

“Real Housewives” is a great oxymoron because nothing about them is real.

Just landed via X:

I found out my wife was cheating on me at a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert, and I don’t ever wanna feel like I did that day.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I remember owning a mobile device as a kid, it was called my bike.

Going bananas on Twitch:

(at an incredibly low point in my life) I should start dating again.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

The biggest problem with working from home? I want to go home even though I’m already at home.

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