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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

I’m putting free wifi on my gravestone, so people will come visit me.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

Tidying up usually ends up with you sitting somewhere and playing around with things you found while tidying up.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Thinking of starting a true crime podcast. Gotta explain this search history somehow.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

11:00 am – Anything is possible. 3:00 pm – But not today.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

I run a parody bank account.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

This tape doesn’t even taste like scotch.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

What base is it when you’re flirting with a woman, and she asks, “Are you all right”?

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

I read classics because my FOMO is making me want to understand every reference ever.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

822 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,984

Funny Quotes Topics

13,927

Funny Quotes Images

10,984

32 minutes ago

3,433

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

The Airbnb reviews never tell you how comfortable the toilets are for falling asleep on.

Trending via LinkedIn:

My last husband’s name is Don. I just added an E to it and walked away.

Going viral on Telegram:

The only time anyone should watch the news is to study how psychological manipulation works on the general public.

Freshly posted on X:

Not to brag, but I ate all of my bananas before they turned brown. Don’t be jealous.

Seen just now on Threads:

A massage is not enough, I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Live now on Discord:

If it was really a smart phone, it would have recognize that it was an ignored call, not missed.

Seen just now on Twitch:

On my way to Mordor. You nerds need anything?

Shared recently on YouTube:

I find as I get older it’s the little things that bring me joy. Like embarrassing my children.

Breaking via Reddit:

Turning to the person next to me and saying “thanks for nothing” as I get off the train.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

“You shouldn’t let your cat jump on the counter”, my cat could take out a loan in my name if he wanted to.

I live in constant fear of being asked to repeat what you just said after I say I’m listening.

6 months ago

I live in constant fear of being asked to repeat what you just said after I say I’m listening.

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Commentary:
I feel this quote on a spiritual level 🙉😂 It's a true struggle trying to balance intense focus and social interactions without giving away that you were actually daydreaming about what you're having for dinner 🤔🍕 Just smile, nod, and hope for the best! 🤣 #SelectiveHearingStruggles

awkwardness, being, constant, conversation, fear, humor, i, just, listening, live, repeat, say

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

822 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,984

Funny Quotes Topics

13,927

Funny Quotes Images

10,984

32 minutes ago

3,421

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Having a loose stool means two completely different things depending on if you are a nurse or a bartender.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

The only reason I haven’t gone crazy yet is because I’m just too lazy.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

Career? Never heard of her. I’m majoring in sunshine and snacks.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

That incredible ability of cats to only throw up on carpeted floors.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

“At your big age” is one of my favorite insults.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

My sleeping pattern ain’t even a pattern anymore, it’s a freestyle that’s on shuffle.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Armed robbers are so weird. Why are you beating me when I don’t have money?

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

The hottest thing a man can be is boring in his 30s.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Everyone has their talents. Mine is picking the checkout line filled with people who apparently have never gone through a checkout line before in their life.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

The only guarantee in life is, if you run errands looking like shit, you will run into everyone you haven’t seen in months.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Went outside. Touched grass. Got bit by bugs. Zero stars.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Are you spaghetti because I want you to meat my balls?

Just landed via Twitch:

I think one quality that makes me incredibly attractive is that I keep my mouth shut when I have nothing to say.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Crying at my desk while also finding time to cry in the shower makes for a healthy work-life balance.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I wish that reading books in the park were my job, and I got paid six figures for it.

Going viral on TikTok:

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

My home security system is just a copy of my paycheck taped to my front door.

Live now on Slack:

Hannibal Lecter didn’t have to be a serial killer, he was scary enough as a foodie.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Salsa counts as a serving of vegetables, right?

Going viral on TikTok:

I’m not alone. I have ants.

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