Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • The best part about your kids being sick is you get to see exactly how shitty you’re going to feel in 48 hours.
  • I’ve named my couch American Idle.
  • I wish I was a moose. No work, no school, just eating grass and wrecking cars.
  • Unfortunately, I’m gonna have to cancel my appointment at a sperm bank. I will just call them and say I can’t come.
  • The worst thing about wearing headphones is when you hallucinate people shouting you. Like, why does this happen?
  • A big part of aging is accumulating keys and not knowing what they’re for.