Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

A gender-neutral equivalent of ‘sugar daddy’ is glucose guardian.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

Waking up has backfired on me so many times.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

When you say “You’re going to hate me for this,” you’re making a very large assumption that I don’t hate you already.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

You know what’s worse than someone’s phone alarm playing the tune over and over? Someone else who starts whistling along.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Remember when you could lay in one position for hours, now you have to rotate like a rotisserie chicken every 15 minutes or a hip hurts.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

I run every day for 30 minutes. If I miss a day, I add 30 minutes to the next day. This has truly been a game changer. Tomorrow I’m supposed to run for 3 weeks.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Jingle all the way? In this economy?

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

People who take naps are the real heroes. It takes courage to wake up twice in one day.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

We got the Christmas tree yesterday, and now my wife knows that I was the chief architect working on the leaning tower of Pisa.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Spotify Wrapped: February was your basketball watermelon loudspeaker phone call hip hop moment.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,515

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

We are all monsters searching for someone to share our lives with.

Just shared via Slack:

Men are only nice for 3 weeks, then surprise you with another personality.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

My cat’s in a bad mood, despite eating and sleeping all day.

Making waves on Reddit:

I’m so single, I have no one to drunk text.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I used to have a great future in my past.

Seen just now on Discord:

Being shy is so annoying. Why is my chest hurting me, because I need to speak in public?

Seen just now on Threads:

Watching “Dirty Dancing” as a teenager: Damn right, no one puts Baby in a corner. Watching “Dirty Dancing” as an adult: This girl is a brat and needs a lesson.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

My kids asked me what games I used to play on my iPad as a kid. I told them I used to speak into a fan to sound like a robot.

Seen just now on X:

I love that my dog always comes home from the groomer wearing a bandana. It’s like he was only gone for three hours, but joined a gang in that time.

Making waves on Instagram:

Dear 8 hours of sleep, I miss you so much.

I need a massage for my brain.

2 months ago

0

I need a massage for my brain.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, a brain massage is the perfect remedy for those hard-to-reach knots of information and stress! 🤯💆‍♂️ Let's work those neurons and give your brain the relaxation it deserves! Who knew mental tension could be so therapeutic?"

brain, humor, i, massage, need, relaxation, relief, self-care, stress, stress relief

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Once again, I was not nominated for an Oscar this morning for acting my way through life.

0

2 months ago

acting, again, awards, drama, humor, i, life, morning, nomination, once, Oscar, performance, self-deprecation
“I’m pretty good with money unless I leave my house or have access to the internet.”

0

5 months ago

access, finance, good, house, humor, i, internet, joke, leave, money, online, online shopping, personal, personal finance, pretty, self-control, shopping, spending
Who called it a deep freeze instead of ice-o-lation?

0

2 months ago

cold, deep, deep freeze, freeze, humor, ice-o-lation, winter, wordplay
I’d log off, but I get so tired of hearing myself talk.

0

2 months ago

hearing, humor, i, ID, log, log off, myself, sarcasm, self, self-talk, talk, tired
Donating blood today to make room for more food.

0

2 months ago

blood, diet, donating, food, health, humor, joke, room, sacrifice, today
At the art museum walking slower and observing more than anyone else.

0

2 months ago

activity, appreciation, art, art appreciation, date, else, fun, fun activity, humor, museum, observing, pace, slow, slow pace, walking

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on TikTok this month:

Everytime I spend $20 I think this is fine because I won’t do it again. And then would you believe.

37 shares on Reddit this month:

I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

27 shares on Snapchat this month:

If elves make shoes, cookies, and toys, why don’t we put them in charge of more stuff?

10 shares on Snapchat this month:

Interesting people are my favorite endangered species.

83 shares on Threads this month:

Babe, are you OK? You’ve barely touched your unread books.

45 shares on Reddit this month:

I love it when God gives me money.

19 shares on YouTube this month:

Jesus rose from the grave because he forgot to clear his browser history.

39 shares on Snapchat this month:

Get a Ring camera so you can yell at your kids when they’re out front and freak them out.

19 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

84 shares on Threads this month:

That awkward moment you can’t understand what somebody is saying after they have repeated it about five times.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by saying they look tired.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t throw hate at me, throw money!

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My wife had a dream that I have a secret second wife named Linda. Now, when she’s mad at me, I just say, “Linda wouldn’t get mad about that.”

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The older I get, the more I love my morning coffee and no one speaking to me.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

My dating era has come to an end. I’d like to thank those who participated.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

My biggest fear is waking up and being in the Renaissance era or something. Imagine having the knowledge of hot dogs but lacking the tools to make them.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Who called it a shopaholic and not a boughtanist?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Your hoodie strings are uneven. Go home and get your shit together!

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I find it sad that my universal remote does not control the universe. Not even remotely.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,406

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

If you’re offended by bacon, the United States of America isn’t for you.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

How much chocolate is too much chocolate before it is technically no longer a salad?

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

I wish berries were the size of apples. Just imagine for a second.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

Therapists are like, “You don’t owe anyone anything. Except me. You owe me 250 dollars for this session.”

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Too young to retire, too poor to quit and too fat to strip – so let’s move on.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

This cannot be the cost of living after Jesus paid it all.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

Them: I haven’t seen you in a long time. Me: You’re welcome.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

All I’m saying is that porn gives us an unrealistic expectation of how quickly the electrician shows up.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

My retirement plan is time travel to the 80s.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Slack:

Don’t tell me to trust my gut. Thats where I put my snacks. Clearly that’s where I’m the weakest.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

How are there low birth rates when everyone here is a big baby?

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

The porn bots liking my posts from years ago is just reminding me that I’ve always been hilarious.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Therapy is cool but singing as loud as you can in your car is free.

Shared recently on Telegram:

We need a word for that weird feeling you get when you learn what a podcaster looks like.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I feel like we’re all just angry and horny.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Vaping always looked dumb. It looks like you’re smoking a kazoo, and now the lead poisoning is the cherry on top.

Just landed via Reddit:

When waiting for a flight, there’s always one guy at the gate that makes you think, “As long as I’m not sitting next to him, I’ll be fine.”

Just landed via Snapchat:

I delete posts cause I be getting mature over the hours.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Bold of you to assume I have the energy to even climb a hill to die on.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴