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Commentary:
"Who knew a cocktail shaker could be replaced by divorce papers? 🍸💔 Sometimes the best tonic for life's troubles is a little separation on the rocks! Cheers to newfound freedom! 🥂 #DivorceDecisions"

change, coping, divorce, drink, humor, i, life, life change, marriage, realization, relationship, thought

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Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on Discord this month:

I’m always looking for new and exciting ways to give up.

36 shares on Twitch this month:

When you want to key his car, but he doesn’t have one, so you bend his bus pass.

68 shares on Facebook this month:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here looking at soup recipes.

91 shares on Slack this month:

No one talks about how uncomfortable it is to ask for your own money back.

26 shares on Discord this month:

Pursuing an academic career is like thinking the stripper loves you.

92 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t like to call it a xenomorph — I prefer the term “the alien from Alien.”

15 shares on Facebook this month:

The best part about being married is having a permanent person to debrief with immediately after any social event.

83 shares on Twitch this month:

Baby, no job is ever that serious for you to be a work snitch.

26 shares on Twitch this month:

Running feels great until you compare it to not running.

36 shares on Instagram this month:

I set up my Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, Mary, Joseph and all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

And is the financial stability in the room with us right now?

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

I came, I saw, I was disappointed, so I left.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

I’m accused of being a plagiarist. Their words, not mine.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

I love being outside, just not when it’s too cold or too hot or too wet or too windy or if there are bugs.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

I accidentally relaxed too much, and now I don’t have enough anxiety to get stuff done.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m a social media influencer in that I’ve influenced people to ignore me on social media.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Imagine how much better the world would be if everyone set aside their differences and came together as one to buy me a castle.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

All people make me happy. Some when they come, others when they leave.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

And for my next trick, I’m going to make this first date the last date.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

My mental health is as reliable as a flashlight in a horror film.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

Shade coming from a tree bearing no fruit could never phase me. Carry on.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

I just tried to poach an egg and I now understand why Eggs Benedict is $23

Just landed via Messenger:

If I were a higher power, and people were doing evil in my name, I’d probably stop it … but that’s just me.

Just landed via X:

Me, with $33 left after paying bills: Let’s see how much a Land Rover costs.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Nothing bores me like twins who don’t look alike, you should’ve just dropped later if you’re not going to participate.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Yesterday I went to a fight and a baseball game broke out.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

Just landed via Slack:

Not to brag but I gave someone directions and he made it.

Making waves on Threads:

I love how spring sprung and then disappeared again.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Buying groceries with no food stamps should boost your credit score.

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Activity Log ✨

I thought I needed a drink. Turns out what I really needed was a divorce.

Guy smoking weed daily: “I think smoking weed in moderation is fine.”

Got fired on my first day working at the drugstore for calling my new coworkers ‘my pharmily’.

Having siblings is so important because you learn the exact amount you can annoy someone before they try to physically kill you.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I thought I needed a drink. Turns out what I really needed was a divorce.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Guy smoking weed daily: “I think smoking weed in moderation is fine.”

Got fired on my first day working at the drugstore for calling my new coworkers ‘my pharmily’.

Speed dating, but it’s just me changing tables at a restaurant every few minutes trying a bite of everyone’s food.

Having siblings is so important because you learn the exact amount you can annoy someone before they try to physically kill you.

I love your niche references! Are you typically ignored in large groups, by any chance?

The true horror genre: my old Facebook statuses.

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