Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Who knew a cocktail shaker could be replaced by divorce papers? 🍸💔 Sometimes the best tonic for life's troubles is a little separation on the rocks! Cheers to newfound freedom! 🥂 #DivorceDecisions"

change, coping, divorce, drink, humor, i, life, life change, marriage, realization, relationship, thought

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

That very depressing moment when you find out the fire alarm that went off at work was just a test.

0

2 months ago

alarm, depressing, depressing moment, disappointment, false, false alarm, fire, fire alarm, humor, just, moment, surprise, test, work, workplace, workplace humor
My cat smells like cigarettes again and I’m sick of his excuses.

0

2 months ago

again, cat, cigarettes, excuses, frustration, humor, pet, sick, smell, smells
Every time I see a couple riding a tandem bike, I try to figure out which one of them is pissed about it.

0

2 months ago

activity, bike, couple, dynamics, every, experience, figure, fun, fun activity, funny observation, humor, i, observation, pissed, relationship, relationship dynamics, riding, shared, shared experience, tandem, tandem bike, time, try
Old age is like a glorious, extended long weekend, but you always know Monday’s coming.

0

2 months ago

age, aging, aging humor, always, coming, extended, humor, humor about aging, know, life, life perspective, Monday, old, old age, perspective, retirement, weekend
Forget sexy talk. I want breakfast talk. Describe those waffles to me nice and slow.

0

2 months ago

breakfast, conversation, date, describe, food, food conversation, forget, humor, i, me, nice, sexy, sexy talk, slow, slow talk, talk, waffles, want
January 1st: anything is possible. January 2nd: but not today.

0

2 months ago

anything, expectations, humor, January, motivation, new, new year, optimism, possibility, procrastination, reality, today, year

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t know much about women, but they love containers that hold smaller containers.

14 shares on Instagram this month:

Breaking a heart is considered bad, but melting a heart is somehow good.

53 shares on TikTok this month:

Of course, my summer body is ready; it’s the same as my winter body but sweatier.

76 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t make worse.

66 shares on Pinterest this month:

I just want to be treated like a hot little French fry.

55 shares on Pinterest this month:

The trick of life is to get the sports car before you have to grunt getting in and out of it.

54 shares on X this month:

What career is most compatible with the unemployed lifestyle?

22 shares on YouTube this month:

Apparently, “I just don’t want to” is not a valid reason when your boss asks you why you’re not coming in today.

10 shares on Slack this month:

Caffeine is not enough anymore, I need to chew on a power line.

21 shares on Facebook this month:

When someone tells me “They could care less”, instead of the proper “I couldn’t care less”, I always say “At least you care.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Hey, sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

What if they close grocery stores and we have to hunt for our food? I don’t even know where the little gummy bears live.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Can’t, too busy deleting screenshots of my lock screen.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

Is it still murder if they said, “Some other time,” but I thought they said smother time?

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

I hate listening to a rapper that I used to adore, and they just don’t have it anymore.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only attempted murder.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

First they give you butterflies, then mental health problems.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

You can be anything. Be the person who ends the meeting early.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

Bugs Bunny taught me that my choices aren’t limited to fight or flight, I can also pretend I’m a pretty lady.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Our parents were right all along, the music is too loud.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

I avoid clarified butter because I prefer my dairy products to be troubled and confused.

Making waves on Twitch:

Clicked on ‘Make a reservation’ on a restaurant’s page, and it opened FaceTime and started calling them. I cannot stress enough how much I do not want that to happen.

Seen just now on X:

You can’t stop me. My tampon wrapper told me I was bold and brilliant.

Shared recently on Instagram:

You can just enjoy kombucha. You don’t need to go on a tirade about cleansing your gut.

Trending via Reddit:

Romance level: At some point, someone comes by, sees me and thinks: “Oh well, my God, why not?”

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Calling the police when someone unfollows.

Spotted on Instagram:

Me, at the intervention: “Ah look, all the reasons I drink gathered in one place.”

Going viral on Telegram:

I have consumed so much potato salad the last couple of days, I’m sweating mayo.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I bought my antidepressants off of Temu and now I glow in the dark.

Seen just now on Discord:

Look, the problem with The Life of a Showgirl is that, for maybe the first time in her music career, Taylor Swift has nothing to say.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I thought I needed a drink. Turns out what I really needed was a divorce.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

That very depressing moment when you find out the fire alarm that went off at work was just a test.

My cat smells like cigarettes again and I’m sick of his excuses.

Every time I see a couple riding a tandem bike, I try to figure out which one of them is pissed about it.

Old age is like a glorious, extended long weekend, but you always know Monday’s coming.

Forget sexy talk. I want breakfast talk. Describe those waffles to me nice and slow.

January 1st: anything is possible. January 2nd: but not today.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨