Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer and my alarm is the police.
  • I heard God is testing both of us at the same time. Wanna hang out?
  • I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
  • I can’t believe she picked her husband, her boyfriend and her other boyfriend over me.
  • Who needs a dominatrix when you can be beaten up by an automatically retracting vacuum cleaner cable?
  • I’m so smart, I got rid of cable and now I only have $638 in monthly streaming services.