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My therapist should also do my nails while we’re talking.

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My kids had to work extra hard this morning but they were able to get the clean house back to itโ€™s normal messy state just in time for the guests to arrive.

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No one told me middle age would be so fuzzy, and if you are wondering whether I mean my eyesight or my facial hair, yes.

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If I’m too quiet you can rest assured I’m in the process of planning my sweet escape or your equally sweet demise.

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April Foolโ€™s next week and still no one has asked me to be their fool.

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HR: “Please complete our anonymous survey.” My boss then later: “Don’t forget the survey, HR said you are the last one from our team.”

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Me in hell: “So did it hurt when you fell from heaven.” Lucifer: “Get out!”

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡พ has bookmarked:

Sex is like my hair. I didnโ€™t have any yesterday. I didnโ€™t have any today. And unless something drastically changes, I wonโ€™t have any tomorrow.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฎ has shared:

Twitter is basically a psychiatric ward where all the patients diagnose each other.

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Every morning I announce that Im going for a jog, but then I donโ€™t go. Itโ€™s a running gag.

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I was going to do some yoga today, but had a donut instead.

Playful quote about choosing donuts over yoga, highlighting humor and indulgence.

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal struggle between wellness and indulgence – donuts always seem to win, don't they? ๐Ÿฉ๐Ÿ’ช #YogaVsDonuts #DonutLifeBalance"



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