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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

I bet when you invited me to Thanksgiving dinner you didn’t think I’d stay this long.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

I’m the person who requested weather reporters stand in the storms. I have no concept of wind or rain and love seeing needless suffering.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Let’s all stand up against iron deficiency (but not too fast).

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Parent hack: Shut your child’s bedroom door to make your house cleaner.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Tech bro obsessed with “storytelling,” but hasn’t read a book in the last 5 years.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

Never share a secret with a clock. Because time will tell.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

In a turn of unexpected events, I need to learn karate by tomorrow morning.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

The most valuable breed of cow are the Cash.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

A micromanager is someone you pay to watch your top talent walk away.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Ah, the magical land of Monday—the gift that keeps not giving!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

629 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,222

Funny Quotes Topics

17,352

Funny Quotes Images

15,222

Dec 30, 2025

3,878

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Messenger:

You can count the number of times my wife has agreed with me on one hand, if you don’t have fingers.

Live now on YouTube:

I need a chiropractor for my brain.

Going viral on Messenger:

Not arguing with a man that can cook. Whatever you say, handsome.

Live now on TikTok:

The dragon with the girl tattoo.

Spotted on Reddit:

Lord, remove any laziness from my body and push me to my full potential the rest of this year.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Sometimes I feel useless, but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I wonder how biology explains that pain in your chest you get when you found out your partner cheated on you.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I’m so lazy that I get jealous when it’s bedtime in other countries.

Just landed via Threads:

You cannot hurt me. You are not a hip-height table corner.

Just shared via Snapchat:

The one thing I think most parents need to realize is, there’s absolutely no secrets that your child doesn’t share about you in the classroom.

I was going to warn my kids about the repercussions of drugs and alcohol until I realized that they in fact were the repercussions of drugs and alcohol.

2 months ago

0

I was going to warn my kids about the repercussions of drugs and alcohol until I realized that they in fact were the repercussions of drugs and alcohol.

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Commentary:
"Ah, the irony of parenting – you think you're going to drop some insightful life lessons on your kids, only to realize they're already living those lessons! 🤪🍻 Just when you thought you had it all figured out… Parenting: making you question everything since forever! 🤦‍♂️🤷‍♀️"

alcohol, drugs, fact, going, humor, i, kids, lessons, life, life lessons, parenting, realization, repercussions, warning

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sunday night: Super Bowl party! Monday morning: Toilet Bowl party!

0

2 months ago

bowl, hangover, humor, Monday, morning, night, party, sports, Sunday, super, Super Bowl, toilet, Toilet Bowl, weekend
You now have the chance to be the first person to send me nudes.

0

2 months ago

chance, flirt, humor, me, nude, nudes, person, send
Another day on this hamster wheel to nowhere.

0

3 weeks ago

another, daily, daily grind, day, frustration, grind, hamster, hamster wheel, humor, life, monotony, nowhere, repetition, routine, sarcasm, wheel, work, work life
Every morning I wake up and make the worst possible time management decisions anyone has ever made.

0

1 month ago

anyone, decision, decisions, ever, every, humor, i, management, morning, procrastination, self-deprecation, time, time management, wake, wake up, worst, worst decision
My favorite things about Twitter are that everything you read is true, everyone is nice, and all intentions are pure of heart.

0

2 months ago

everyone, everything, expectations, favorite, heart, humor, intentions, kindness, media, nice, purity, read, sarcasm, social, social media, things, true, truth, Twitter
Ironic that the two ơ’s in “cooperate” insist on having their own separate sounds.

0

2 months ago

cooperation, funny observation, having, insist, ironic, irony, language, observation, own, pronunciation, sounds, vowel, wordplay

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

86 shares on Reddit this month:

Applying lip balm when you know someone’s watching you is a power move.

21 shares on YouTube this month:

Theo Von’s entire life is like a raccoon that visits New York City.

35 shares on Discord this month:

Nosferatu 2024, Frankenstein 2025, and Werwulf 2026. I was born at exactly the right time.

84 shares on Twitch this month:

*Googles: How to fake your own death and erase existence before 9am Monday morning.

81 shares on Telegram this month:

In my 20’s: I want to find true love. In my 40’s: I just want a toaster that gets me.

52 shares on Facebook this month:

The human brain is great. It works from the second you are born and stops as soon as you start liking someone.

20 shares on Snapchat this month:

Do not EVER text while driving. Please use the giant iPad attached to your dashboard.

82 shares on Facebook this month:

Weirdos gonna weird.

40 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Who develops the algorithm? I want to speak to the manager.

35 shares on Messenger this month:

The sound of rain outside when you’re in bed is elite.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Do goalies ever get lonely during a game?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting to the age where I’m like, “Oh, hopefully I’ll be dead by then.”

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Our childhood photos might be ugly but those smiles were definitely not fake.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there’s a small hole in the bag somewhere.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

It must be hard for a vampire to floss their fangs when they can’t see their reflection in a mirror.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t get why banks tie pens with strings. We trust them with money, but they can’t trust us with a single pen.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Might mess around and reply to all work emails with “make me”.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Them: OMG, I haven’t seen you in so long. Me: Yeah, that was on purpose.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Journaling was the most useless thing l ever attempted. Not only am I still suffering but now there’s evidence.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

You want me to pay attention to the details? The thing the devil is in?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

629 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,222

Funny Quotes Topics

17,352

Funny Quotes Images

15,222

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,738

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Just found out it don’t matter how early I go to bed, I just don’t wanna go to work.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Nobody sighs louder than an unemployed, debt-free dog who spends at least 16 hours a day sleeping.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

The sluttiest thing a man can do is have an ethical dilemma over his lust for you.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

The world would be a better place if mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

My therapist said cutting people off isn’t healthy. She’s next.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Hobosexual. A person who dates you with the sole interest of having a place to stay.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

What I lack in moves on the dance floor, I more than make up for in dancing around a conversation.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Making her wear those remote-controlled vibrating panties in public so I can inform her when I’m tired and want to leave the party.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

In an effort to keep our house clean before Thanksgiving, I’ve asked my family to go live somewhere else.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

I get it, drug commercials. I too like to dance while I describe all my side effects.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Good morning to everyone except people who sit right next to you when there’s a whole room full of empty seats.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Doctor advised me to stop drinking. This is going to be a big change for me. I was with that doctor for decades.

Breaking via Reddit:

Worst thing about cutting off all your hair is you go to work and everyone treats you like Today’s Special Boy.

Trending via YouTube:

My DMs are always open if you want to talk to yourself.

Making waves on Threads:

This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Ozzy Osbourne has mumbled through entire sentences, and I still understood him better than most of my exes.

Making waves on X:

I love how a film can be life-changing for one person and boring for another.

Just shared via Messenger:

Grandma complained that with age, her joints were getting weaker. Told her to just roll them a little tighter.

Making waves on Facebook:

Do we lazy people actually go to heaven? Or are we being picked up?

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