Trendy Funny Quotes

  • I just finished cleaning the house for Thanksgiving, so if you’re looking for my family they’ll be in the backyard until Thursday.
  • My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!
  • Aging is the worst. I miss the good ol’ days when my pain was strictly emotional.
  • Don’t invite me places. I was cesarean. I didn’t want to come out then and I certainly don’t want to now.
  • Of course, because I’m wearing a white shirt, my coffee chose violence.
  • My eye doctor is alarmingly young and when he said he thought I had a chalazion or a hordoleum, I thought he might be referencing Pokémon.