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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

My last husband’s name is Don. I just added an E to it and walked away.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

Is it stupid and irresponsible? Yes. Will it make me happy? Also yes.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

Before marriage, I would sit at a stoplight for hours because I had no one to tell me the light had changed to green.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

What archaeologists are really looking for is a hand digging back.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Do you scroll through Netflix to find a good show for your dog to watch when you leave the house or are you normal?

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

I still can’t believe Aldi sells shopping carts for 25 cents. I’ve got 8 of them now and don’t really even have a use for them, it was just too good of a deal to pass up.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Thank you for contacting the abyss. Your scream is very important to us.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Nobody views your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

I suppose someone has to do all the consuming and obeying.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

Does anyone else run a used match under water before disposing of it because you’re afraid it still has some fire left in it, or are you normal?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Jan 2, 2026

3,579

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

Breaking via Messenger:

Japan’s greatest tragedy is having the world’s best toilets and no Mexican food. What’s the point of owning a Ferrari if you never take it to the track?

Live now on Threads:

Going from summer clothes to winter clothes: “Okay!” Going from winter clothes to summer clothes: “I AM NOT READY!”

Making waves on X:

I miss when there were so many episodes of every show that they all eventually did one where it was hot, and the air conditioning went out.

Going viral on Slack:

One thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m dumb.

Spotted on Messenger:

I’m like Pooh Bear. I just want to eat, hang with my homies, and go around pantsless.

Just landed via YouTube:

One of the most embarrassing things in the world: walking downhill.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I am at the age where I question throwing away a box because, “It’s a really nice box.”

Going bananas on YouTube:

If there was a pill for procrastination… I’d probably take it tomorrow.

Just shared via Slack:

Remember when we had to smack the TV because the channel wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about far too many people.

I wish I was mysterious, but unfortunately I just can’t keep my mouth shut.

2 months ago

0

I wish I was mysterious, but unfortunately I just can’t keep my mouth shut.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal struggle between wanting to be mysterious and the inability to filter our thoughts! 🤐 It's like trying to keep a lid on a pot of boiling pasta… you know it's gonna spill over eventually! 😜 Embrace your inner chatterbox, my friend – your honesty is the real mystery! 🤫✨"

humor, i, just, keep, mouth, mystery, personality, shut, unfortunately, wish

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Missionary, so we can discuss how 15 min can save us 15% or more on car insurance.

0

3 months ago

15, 15 minutes, car, car insurance, conversation, discount, humor, insurance, joke, minutes, missionary, save, saving, us
Nobody ever talks about how Sodom and Gomorrah were walkable cities.

0

2 months ago

architecture, city, ever, Gomorrah, history, humor, irony, nobody, planning, Sodom, urban, urban planning, walkable
Never trust someone who can eat 24/7 but is still skinny.

0

2 months ago

diet, eat, food, humor, skinny, someone, still, trust
Twitter is just a diary I choose to show to strangers.

0

3 months ago

choose, diary, expression, humor, i, just, media, personal, personal expression, show, social, social media, stranger, strangers, Twitter
Welcome to your 40s. You’re home from the party before you used to go out for the party in your 20s.

0

1 month ago

20s, 40s, age, aging, before, going, going out, home, humor, lifestyle, nightlife, party, used, welcome
My robot vacuum and I are cut from the same cloth. When we see a line of dirt on the kitchen floor, we just spin around and go the other way.

0

2 months ago

around, avoidance, cleaning, cloth, cut, dirt, floor, humor, i, just, kitchen, line, procrastination, relatable, robot, same, spin, vacuum

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

83 shares on Facebook this month:

The share button on Reddit should be called Spreddit.

86 shares on Instagram this month:

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.

54 shares on Reddit this month:

My kids didn’t follow me into the bathroom so now I’m scared to leave and find out what they got into instead.

28 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Stop making Fast and Furious movies.

66 shares on Reddit this month:

I can literally trace the moment my career died back to when my boss said he was in back-to-back meetings, and I said, “Isn’t face-to-face better?”

23 shares on YouTube this month:

Establish dominance over your cat by suddenly bolting out of the room for no reason.

58 shares on X this month:

My favorite part of football is when they feed the players water like they’re hamsters.

17 shares on WeChat this month:

Caught my husband staring at me again. He’s probably weighing his pros and cons.

80 shares on WeChat this month:

Some people’s high horses are actually donkeys.

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

No Botox. I need to furrow my brow when people say dumb things.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve been in a bad mood since like 2010.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

What do you mean a baguette isn’t a female bag?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I think during winter we should also get to work less hours in a day, just like the sun.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Hardest part of beekeeping is thinking of all the names.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

A haunted house, but it’s just you inside your own head.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting up early would be easier if we could keep our eyes closed.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

My phone is like my lover, it’s the last thing I see at night, and the first thing I wake up to every morning.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a loose stool means two completely different things depending on if you are a nurse or a bartender.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

If by ‘leg day’ you mean a day that we put your legs on my shoulders, then yes, I love leg day.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing really prepares you for when your favorite sweatpants begin to fall apart.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,415

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

I don’t know what kind of sex makes y’all want a joint bank account, but I ain’t had it yet.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

Airports should have tattoo parlors for those of us with long layovers and poor impulse control.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

Becoming a dad turned me into an environmentalist. All I do now is turn off lights and yell at people who waste energy.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

I want to be rich enough where I’m not offended by the price of beef jerky.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

One day you’re young and fun, and the next thing you know, you’re staring out of a window for no reason.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

No, you’re not a “prompt engineer,” you’re a sloperator.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Eating watermelon and minding my own business.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

If at first you don’t succeed, try two more times so your failure is statistically significant.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

I will never forget when my dad had a guy from Verizon call me in middle school to tell me that I was using more data than Obama and that I need to stop.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

You are what you eat! (If anyone needed more encouragement to eat the rich.)

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Discord:

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Sorry, I can’t come. I’m still recovering from the last time I went out.

Spotted on Threads:

Why do moths eat sweaters? Have they tried sandwiches or avocados?

Shared recently on X:

Do you think they’re called cough drops because when you cough really hard they drop out of your mouth onto the floor?

Just shared via TikTok:

Despite all my rage, I still keep refreshing the page.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Dogs are man’s best friend because a dog would never blindside you with a group chat.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Duolingo does everything except actually teach you the language.

Making waves on Discord:

I always say “it’s so expensive” and then buy it nonetheless.

Trending via Instagram:

The only thing Flat Earthers have to fear is sphere itself.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

If you start a sentence with “Let me reiterate…”, I’m gonna ignore it the second time too.

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