I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers, because I can always count on them.

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The more water you drink, the more bathroom breaks, the less you work. Stay hydrated.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

Might make a living will because I don’t want my family deciding whether to pull the plug. My dad has a long history of being against wasting electricity.

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Whoever came up with a 30 minute lunch break needs a 30 minute beating.

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Netflix has every movie except the one you want to watch.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

You’re never too old to become less of an idiot.

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I installed a bike rack on my car so my neighbors think I do something else besides drink.

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Bragging about how I’ve “really turned my life around recently” without mentioning in which direction.

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Work for a living? In this economy?

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At the end of the day, it’s the friend that doesn’t take your ghosting phases personally.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

I wish it was socially acceptable to DM someone, “Hey, why did you and your partner break up?”