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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Life is like a game of chess. I don’t enjoy it very much.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

People always say, “There’s plenty of fish in the sea” … yeah, but I’ve got my eye fixed on that specific, emotionally distant salmon who has commitment issues.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Imagine you’re on jury duty and the courtroom sketch artist draws stink lines above you.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Can the AI bubble just pop already? Everyone hates this crap.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

I’ll find a cell mate before I’ll ever find a soulmate.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Winter. You get up, drink coffee and then it gets dark.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Shaking my head like an Etch a Sketch to get my thoughts right.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

You’re the ‘S’ to my ‘HTTP’; without you, I’m just a bad connection!

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

Being liked at work comes with so many perks, you could be late as hell, and everyone is just happy to see you.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,507

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Threads:

Gonna close my bank account and keep all my money on me, like Sonic the Hedgehog.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

Spotted on Telegram:

Cafeteria is a beautiful name for a baby girl.

Spotted on Facebook:

You can either have a nice evening or you can help your child with their math homework. You can’t have both.

Going viral on Discord:

I really want a family… sized bag of peanut butter M&Ms.

Making waves on Slack:

Messages are way funnier when you know how that person talks.

Spotted on TikTok:

Was complaining to my mom about my daughter’s attitude and she told me I should’ve named her payback.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

As an outsider, what’s your view on intelligence?

Shared recently on Instagram:

If my coworker doesn’t stop asking questions on this Zoom meeting, I will drive across town and slap his face on the call.

Just landed via Facebook:

Why read the room when you can leave the room?

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous quote about silencing strangers with a playful, witty warning in an elevator setting.

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Commentary:
"That's one way to ensure a peaceful elevator ride! 🍽️🚪😅"

awkward, case, conversation, eat, elevator, humor, i, joke, me, say, shut, shut up, stranger, survival, talk, talking, want

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Social Media Stars ⭐

22 shares on Facebook this month:

I can’t think of a single email that has ever found me well.

54 shares on TikTok this month:

My middle finger salutes you.

87 shares on Facebook this month:

Getting old is not fun. Sometimes I have to check my texts and photos when someone asks me what I did yesterday.

64 shares on Twitch this month:

I am not someone you have to entertain if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

88 shares on Reddit this month:

So tired of looking in my wallet and not finding $10,000

96 shares on Pinterest this month:

If I learned anything in college, it’s that pepper spray only stings for a couple hours.

46 shares on Messenger this month:

Why is everyone so chill about parrots being able to talk? That’s a whole animal. Talking.

35 shares on WhatsApp this month:

This sex could have been an email.

35 shares on X this month:

If I’m out drinking and “Push It” starts playing, take me home immediately.

85 shares on WeChat this month:

People call me a “Trekkie,” but I’m not. I’ve only seen Star Wars a couple of times.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

“I’ll worry about it next time.” Me pissing off future me.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

I’m going to get some steel wool so I can crochet myself a new car.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

By accepting their pardons, the turkeys are admitting guilt.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Asked a German woman why Germany produced so many legendary physicists / mathematicians, and her response was basically, “Have you considered educating people who aren’t rich?”

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Sorry you thought I I was flirting with you; I had something in my eye.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Big fan of taking a huge bite and then nodding while I chew. You make an excellent point, food.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Friends with benefits, but it’s just that they make delicious baked goods.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

Who really needs jetpacks, I want to be able to start over from my last save point.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Let the good times roll. Let the bad times crawl. Let the acceptable times do the hopscotch.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Twitch:

I like to be alone a lot; it’s nothing personal.

Making waves on Telegram:

I am at my Thanksgiving table observing personality disorders that have not been identified yet.

Shared recently on Facebook:

This coffee isn’t working. Think I need holy water.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

According to a new study, people who often trail off in the middle of a sentence are 30% more likely to

Trending via Telegram:

Adulthood will turn Gmail into part of your social media routine.

Just landed via Reddit:

With great power comes a huge electric bill.

Breaking via Snapchat:

I’m just here trying to spread a little joy while the world burns. Is that so wrong?

Seen just now on Instagram:

I like to describe the difference between theory and practice with shopping lists and receipts.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

It was so windy today when I was walking to the gym that I got blown into the wine store.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

You’re either snacking with me or snacking against me.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

Someone just honked to get me out of my parking spot faster… so now I have to sit here until both of us are dead.

Not now, kitten. Mommy’s destroying and betraying herself for nothing.

Ripping the fishnets off my slutty little oranges.

Remind the demons under your bed that you’re the landlord, raise the rent.

Love how you can hear the crowd constantly forgetting the queen died and singing “God save the Quing”

The breathing exercises from the birth preparation course are only needed once the child has reached puberty.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Someone just honked to get me out of my parking spot faster… so now I have to sit here until both of us are dead.

Not now, kitten. Mommy’s destroying and betraying herself for nothing.

Ripping the fishnets off my slutty little oranges.

Remind the demons under your bed that you’re the landlord, raise the rent.

Love how you can hear the crowd constantly forgetting the queen died and singing “God save the Quing”

The breathing exercises from the birth preparation course are only needed once the child has reached puberty.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨