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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

They said I can never go back to that Vietnamese spot. They banh mi pho life.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

When someone has “Do Not Disturb” on, it’s like, oh, okay, I didn’t realize the great philosopher was in their hour of seclusion. Pardon me for even daring to enter their precious mind palace.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Terrible things can happen if you go camping. For starters, you could want to go camping again.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Showing my barber a picture of a dinosaur.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

I voted for the candidate on the last yard sign I saw before pulling in. Slow children at play will lead us into the future.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

If I’m ever mad at you, just talk to me in a sweeter and softer tone, and watch how quickly that anger disappears.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

Killing with kindness is a murder by compliments.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but there’s only 365 shopping days left until Christmas.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,291

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on TikTok:

Asked a German woman why Germany produced so many legendary physicists / mathematicians, and her response was basically, “Have you considered educating people who aren’t rich?”

Live now on Snapchat:

I wonder if the fall of Rome was this stupid.

Making waves on WeChat:

Careful, “friend”. One more word about Shakira and you might find out just how fast I can draw this blade.

Spotted on Telegram:

So much anger in this small little body. I feel like a chihuahua.

Broadcasted on X:

Sometimes you send an email that requires a response, and the other person writes back right away, and it’s like NO NOT YET.

Spotted on Pinterest:

You can tell a group isn’t gonna make it big just by their name.

Spotted on Slack:

Better to be an overthinker than an overdrinker.

Just shared via Instagram:

I hate the saying: “Get up, the sun is shining!” What am I supposed to do? Photosynthesis?

Making waves on Reddit:

The nice thing about egotists is that they don’t talk about other people.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Eatіng іn bed іs much better. Everythіng’s a napkіn.

If a zombie and vampire bite each other, who turns who?

2 weeks ago

Witty text pondering a zombie-vampire bite dilemma with a humorous, playful tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🤔💀🧛‍♂️ Let's see: if a zombie and a vampire decide to have a little nibble on each other, would it be a battle of the bites? 🧟‍♂️💉 Who do you think would come out as the new creature in town – a bite-sized pondering mystery indeed! 🤪🌕

bite, conflict, humor, mythology, question, transformation, vampire, zombie

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on WeChat this month:

I am not living la vida loca. I am loca because of la vida.

50 shares on YouTube this month:

That annoying moment when you’re texting someone and autocorrect decides to join the conversation.

39 shares on Discord this month:

I see you liked my selfie, but what about my ideas?

87 shares on Slack this month:

I’ve done literally nothing all day, except feel guilty about doing nothing all day.

31 shares on WeChat this month:

People who are on Twitter and put intelligent in their bio, good one.

38 shares on Facebook this month:

People tell me to just be myself like that would be a good thing.

19 shares on Telegram this month:

Whole crypto scheme is built on people too dumb for crypto that aren’t self-aware enough to realize it.

86 shares on Threads this month:

The difference between us is that people can peck you and I’m impeccable.

70 shares on Discord this month:

I remember when the only in-flight movie choices were either you watched or you didn’t.

31 shares on X this month:

Not really interested in anything that isn’t everything.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t understand how some people find love several times in their lives. I first have to find someone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent a day where you aren’t tired.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Spent most of the day making sure the couch still works. So far so good.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The crematorium is my last hope for a hot body.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

There are days when trying to control your class is like trying to hug a tornado.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Tourists love to think that they are not like other tourists.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Bursting into a million bats the second I see you.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

People make the mistake of keeping aubergines in the fridge, when in fact they should be kept in the bin.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I thought I wanted a career. Turns out all I wanted is paychecks.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I identify as a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I go down when you really want me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,496

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

My favorite recipe is the one where I pick up the phone and order food.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

My OnlyFans is just hours of me untangling Christmas lights.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

We need a better word for horny that sounds elegant and gorgeous.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

I miss the way I viewed the world before I found out too much about it.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

There are many people who don’t like me and I am one of them.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

If you would like to get an idea of what an exorcism is like, try putting clothes on a toddler.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Whoever invented the “skip intro” button really understood humans.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Gave my family the wrong address for our beach rental. Hoping to get a couple days in before they find me.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

I absolutely hate being woken from a nap. There were other treadmills in the gym that dude could have used.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Roman soldiers are all like “I’m going to fight you in this short yet tasteful leather skirt.”

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Facebook:

I don’t know when people started calling hot dogs ‘glizzys,’ but I hate it, and you all need to stop immediately.

Going viral on Twitch:

They say sugar can’t fix your problems. Yeah, well, neither can broccoli. At least cake puts in the effort.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Can’t think of a single time the MGM lion advanced the plot of the movie in any way. Just needless jump scare.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

80% of arguments start because someone hasn’t eaten yet.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Asking “how’s the job hunt going?” is a lot like asking “did you come?” I promise you, you’d hear if there was any success.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Mini skirts are so cute and fun, like, oops, my ass is out.

Trending via Slack:

I like my messages, how I like my nuts – MIXED.

Making waves on YouTube:

My patience is like a gift card, not sure how much is left but lets give it a try.

Seen just now on Telegram:

How lazy are you?” I greet people by raising my eyebrows.

Live now on Threads:

Be the reason why a count unleashes ancient horrors onto the world when he thinks of you.

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