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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Brain, I know you’re trying hard, but you are not doing a good job.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Why does the dentist have to take an x-ray of my teeth? They right there, bro!

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

It is a shame that nothing is built in America anymore. I just bought a TV that said: “Built in Antenna”. I don’t even know where that is.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Rare earth, this rare earth, that. There’s nothing more rare on this earth than affordable housing in a walkable neighborhood.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Watering plants qualifies as a hobby.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

The awkward moment when someone’s zipper is down and you don’t know whether to tell them or not.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

There’s no-one who can get more drunk on power than the admin of a village Facebook group.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Pretending you don’t notice people staring at you is a skill.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

Just saw the fattest bird. This guy must get up early as hell.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

The world would be a much nicer place if we just turn off the news.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,770

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

Whoever salts the fries at McDonald’s needs to come do the roads.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Taking a Hooters waitress on a date to a different Hooters on her night off.

Going viral on Facebook:

Checking my iced coffee rewards points like it’s my 401k.

Just landed via WeChat:

I kinda want a boyfriend but then where will I put my purse when I drive?

Just shared via Twitch:

If there’s one thing we can trust, it’s billionaires.

Trending via Discord:

Nobody at this train station knows that there’s a hole in my sock.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Nothing tops a plain pizza.

Going viral on Facebook:

Online dating is stupid because scent is such an important factor of attraction.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Manifesting you in my bed.

Making waves on YouTube:

Friendly reminder that someone having a different opinion about a movie than you is a direct attack on you as a person and you should take it very personally.

If a zombie and vampire bite each other, who turns who?

4 weeks ago

Witty text pondering a zombie-vampire bite dilemma with a humorous, playful tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🤔💀🧛‍♂️ Let's see: if a zombie and a vampire decide to have a little nibble on each other, would it be a battle of the bites? 🧟‍♂️💉 Who do you think would come out as the new creature in town – a bite-sized pondering mystery indeed! 🤪🌕

bite, conflict, humor, mythology, question, transformation, vampire, zombie

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

96 shares on Discord this month:

Phone so dry, I caught myself checking the weather.

94 shares on WeChat this month:

How many exercise videos do you have to buy before you get some results?

19 shares on Reddit this month:

ADHD is: being pretty good at basically anything you want to be, and absolutely terrible at anything you need to do to live.

31 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Not to brag, but I can put my socks on without sitting down.

69 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I get it, credit cards, I’ve reached my limit too.

92 shares on Pinterest this month:

We seriously need to bring back courting. What the hell is ‘wyd tonight?’ Arrive on a horse and bring flowers like a man.

91 shares on X this month:

You should be allowed to leave work early if you are really in love.

11 shares on TikTok this month:

My advice to kids in kindergarten is to start saving all the money.

89 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’ve heard that some people have kids who sleep through the night and I’d like to know if they use tranquilizers or chloroform.

87 shares on Reddit this month:

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore. When you swim in the sea and an eel bites your knee, that’s a moray.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Aliens traveled millions of light years to get here to visit New Jersey.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

When you drink red wine from a cup, it looks like fruit tea and you are also admired by others for your healthy lifestyle.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

As long as I can dip something in something, I’m happy.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

For Halloween, I’m going as an emotional roller coaster.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Perfume is designed to be an invisible accessory. It’s not designed to instantly kill the canary when you entered the room.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Steve Jobs was a vibe coder. He just prompted Steve Wozniak.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Remind the demons under your bed that you’re the landlord, raise the rent.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

It sucks that brainwashing is a bad thing, because generally speaking the idea of washing my brain sounds so nice.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody sighs louder than an unemployed, debt-free dog who spends at least 16 hours a day sleeping.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Every millennial is now paying Apple $9.99/month for 2TB just to not delete their life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,674

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

All our dogs think we quit our jobs to spend more time with them. All our cats think we got fired for being lazy.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

“You’re always sleeping!” God forbid a girl wants to be unconscious.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

What did parents do before smart phones, hold their babies with two hands or something?

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Them: OMG, I haven’t seen you in so long. Me: Yeah, that was on purpose.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Dear Santa, Money!

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

The number one rule of Thanksgiving dinner is take your own vehicle so you can leave on your own terms.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

My parents still haven’t apologized for making me ugly.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

With a cat on your lap, you deal better with the crap.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

“Why would I lie to you?” I don’t know, maybe because you’re a liar.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Wondering when these skinny jeans are gonna kick in.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

Walking on egg shells? In this economy?

Trending via YouTube:

I find as I get older it’s the little things that bring me joy. Like embarrassing my children.

Trending via Facebook:

It doesn’t matter how old you are, when it starts thundering and lightning, you go and sit at the window to watch.

Spotted on YouTube:

I set my alarms extra early to make sure I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Welcome to middle age. You now take pictures of instructions so you can enlarge them.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I have more trips planned than I have money.

Trending via TikTok:

That awkward moment your mom is doing the dishes and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.

Going viral on Instagram:

Technically, all the money I have ever spent on food has been flushed down the toilet.

Making waves on Threads:

Having a teenager is fun because the voice in my head that questions everything I do now has a friend.

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