Trendy Funny Quotes

  • I can’t afford a vehicle with wing doors, so I buy the Tupperware with lids which open that way.
  • This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.
  • My kid tells me his toothpaste is “too spicy” but he doesn’t seem to be having any trouble with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.
  • This going into the office stuff blows. Like, I seriously have to wear clothes now.
  • Couples who finish each other’s sentences have killed before and will kill again.
  • “You shouldn’t let your cat jump on the counter”, my cat could take out a loan in my name if he wanted to.