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Someone from has viewed:

Sometimes people just need you to be genuine with them, and I personally have no problem pretending to do that.

Someone from has downloaded:

The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.

Someone from has copied:

“Cut my life into pieces” screamed the earthworm and threw itself in front of my spade.

Someone from has downloaded:

The ideal girlfriend breaks your heart, so you go on to do great things.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Sorry I missed your call 8 months ago. Is everything okay?

Someone from has viewed:

At some point, I need to admit my ‘guilty pleasure’ music taste is just my music taste now.

Someone from has shared:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the same bill I couldn’t afford to pay in a different color.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Cigarette smell gotta be one of the worst smells in the history of smells.

Someone from has bookmarked:

You’re never alone. There’s mold.

Someone from has bookmarked:

I’m putting free wifi on my gravestone, so people will come visit me.

Funny Quotes Data

New Funny Quotes

705 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,867

Funny Quotes Topics

13,848

Funny Quotes Images

10,867

21 minutes ago

3,443

Social Media Log

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there’s a small hole in the bag somewhere.

Just landed via Messenger:

“What’s your music taste?” Don’t know, man. If it sounds good, I’m adding it to the playlist.

Just landed via Twitch:

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m never sending you nudes again.

Just landed via Instagram:

I used to eat my feelings but now it’s so expensive, I might as well go to therapy.

Trending via X:

Everybody loves that comfort food until you end up with that comfort body.

Freshly posted on X:

I got one brain cell left and it moves around my head like a Windows screensaver.

Reported on Slack:

Don’t be sad, laundry, nobody’s doing me either.

Going viral on Pinterest:

The eyes are the windows to the soul. A mustache is the front garden, and the mouth is that big pothole the council should do something about.

Just shared via TikTok:

We go together like Drunk and Disorderly.

Making waves on Discord:

Sorry, I liked your post one second after you posted it but in my defense, I’ve had my phone in my hand since 2012.

If my trainee says “oh God” one more time, he’s going to meet him.

6 months ago

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If my trainee says “oh God” one more time, he’s going to meet him.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like the trainee might just get a divine intervention . Hope they'd say "oh snap" instead!

frustration, God, going, humor, meet, oh, time, trainee, training, workplace

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When someone dies people say “he’s going to meet his Maker”. No he’s not. God doesn’t mingle with the staff.
I forgot to turn my clocks back and, oh my God, you guys are not going to believe the stuff that happens in the next hour.
At this point, I’m sure I’ll meet an alien or zombies before I meet the love of my life!
So annoying that in order to meet new people you need to go out and meet new people. Ideally, I would have known you in a past life.
Missionary, so I can look him in the eyes and ask him why Ashley from work is texting him with heart eyes.

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New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up.

Trending Funny Quotes

Nothing is impossible, except for my daughter returning home with the hat and gloves she wore to school this morning.
I’m so sick of TV shows and movies where there are no likable characters. I don’t need to spend an hour with people I hate, I already have my life.
Remember, if you start with, “It’s crazy to think…” you can say whatever you want.
I’m not lazy, I’m an inactivist.
Please twerk; I have just days left.

Hot Funny Quotes

Whoever said having a crush is when you feel the most like Carrie Bradshaw was so real for that.
You gotta ask people nowadays, are you single single, mad at your partner single, blocked single or single just in your head.
One of my biggest talents is taking hundreds of screenshots that I swear I’ll need, but I never look at them again.
How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? Do you just call them and say you can’t come?
I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life, or they are living it to the fullest.

Trending Topics

activity communication day food fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media need people procrastination relationship sarcasm social someone technology think time want work

Funny Quotes Data

New Funny Quotes

705 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,867

Funny Quotes Topics

13,848

Funny Quotes Images

10,867

21 minutes ago

3,428

Funny Quotes of the Month

I should’ve been an air conditioner because all I do is vent.
I’m feeling very anxious. I think this 7th mug of coffee will take the edge off.
I’ve reached the age where people talk loudly and slowly to me.
The fact that I procrastinate and still get the job done is the reason I still procrastinate.
Whoever came up with the spelling for “receipt” was an idiopt.

Funny Quotes of the Year

I hate small cars that disguise themselves as free parking spaces and drop their masks as soon as you pull up in front of them.
Nobody shoots annoying people into the sun anymore and that’s why there are so many of them left on earth.
My milkshakes bring all the bots to the yard.
I heard a mouse yesterday. So now I loudly announce myself whenever I enter a dark room. In case you’re wondering how brave I am.
An apple a day may keep the doctor away, but some silly a day keeps the boredom at bay.

Activity Log

Someone from has copied:

90% of parenting is wondering when you can lie down again.

Someone from has copied:

My favorite thing to do at the gym is stay home and eat a piece of cake.

Someone from has downloaded:

Adult friendships are difficult. The people I get on best with never want to leave the house either.

Someone from has shared:

Work is the worst video game ever.

Someone from has shared:

Today, I want to talk about underperforming continents. Antarctica, explain yourself.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Human hibernation should be a thing.

Someone from has copied:

Hot singles in your area! They don’t want to talk to you. But they’re there.

Someone from has shared:

Alexa, turn off the planet.

Someone from has downloaded:

The more nicknames I have for you, the more I like you.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Could someone please come over here and be the adult? I’m too tired.

Social Media Log

Shared recently on Twitch:

November is for turtlenecks and depression.

Trending via Slack:

As a parent you get to see just how much a baby accomplishes in its first year of life. Because you’re awake for all of it.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I have lots of hidden talents. The problem is, even I can’t find them.

Trending via Instagram:

If my dog knew how many photos I have of him sleeping, he’d file a restraining order against me.

Just shared via Messenger:

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping.

Making waves on Slack:

Humans can accomplish so much, unless it’s parking at a shopping center during the holidays.

Going viral on Instagram:

If I were a bird, you’d be the first person I’d shit on.

Reported on X:

The inventor of autocorrect walked into a bar and ordered a bear.

Just shared via TikTok:

Tell your dog I said woof woof.

Just shared via Telegram:

They hooked up tubes and sensors, but the doctor still can’t figure out why my kisses are so sweet. They want to hold me overnight and “never let go.”

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