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Commentary:
"If human behavior doesn't improve, I might just end up saving puppies with my spare parts 🐶🏥 Who knew the animal shelter could use a human organ donor? 🤣 #GoodDeedsGoneToTheDogs"

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32 shares on YouTube this month:

I think I can now safely say that none of my co-workers were “personality hires”.

17 shares on TikTok this month:

We need a streaming service that’s only ads. No shows, just commercials. They pay us $15 a month.

73 shares on WhatsApp this month:

A new year resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

56 shares on X this month:

We are all monsters searching for someone to share our lives with.

33 shares on Threads this month:

I can’t explain how it works, but one day, you just wake up and like sauerkraut.

29 shares on Pinterest this month:

My kid asked me if I’ve ever experienced hallucinations, which is an odd thing to ask considering I don’t have any kids.

29 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Watched Titanic for the 14th time. Still sobbing. Still yelling, “SCOOT OVER, COW!” like it’ll change the ending.

52 shares on WeChat this month:

Weird. I’m the only one naked at this gender reveal party.

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

Bisexual just means that I wear perfume with my men’s deodorant.

99 shares on Messenger this month:

Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer and my alarm is the police.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

My washing machine is over here taking load after load, like Bonnie Blue.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

It’s getting very expensive to be alive.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

My husband loves it when he orders fries, I say I don’t want any, and then I swoop in on his like a seagull at the beach.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

Seriously, how sexy was Freud’s mom?

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

I wanna marry someone funnier than me, but sadly, I am the funniest.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

“Apple Music has better sound quality!” Okay, but my entire life is on Spotify, my playlists are my children.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

I found out why my computer keeps freezing. Apparently, I’ve got too many windows open.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much cheese you need to add, everyone knows cheese is measured with the heart.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Accidentally clicked a post about UFOs, and now my Facebook algorithm thinks I’m a much different person.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Avocado toast at a cafe: $10. Avocado toast from Uber Eats: $25. Avocado toast made at home: $550 (my labor is worth $115 a minute).

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via X:

I calculated my December budget and realized everyone is getting a hug for Christmas.

Shared recently on Threads:

I drink my coffee black because I like to save my calories for alcohol.

Live now on WeChat:

Who decided that “microwaves that beep forever” was a feature we needed.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

There’s nothing I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I want to be a house cat and simply slap the shit out of anything in front of me that I do not understand.

Trending via Instagram:

I’m tired of commercials trying to be funny. Scare me into buying something. I want to be terrified of buying the wrong toothpaste.

Going viral on Twitch:

I get it cicadas, I’m ready to scream for six weeks too.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Welcome to your 40s. Your eyes are now like a camera someone doesn’t know how to focus.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

“Follow your heart,” as advice, is sort of like “abandon yourself to cognitive bias.”

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I lost my job at NASA Mission Control today. I misheard when they said, “It’s lunch time.”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If people continue to behave so badly, I will donate my organs to an animal shelter.

You can be anything when you grow up. For instance, I am very tired.

When I’m feeling old, I like to visit my parents so they can push all my buttons until I lose my shit and just like that, I’m 16 again.

I get it dogs, I wish I could also bark at strangers approaching my house.

I love going “Streets are saying” before I say something I literally just made up.

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Wordgag ツ

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If people continue to behave so badly, I will donate my organs to an animal shelter.

Keep the laugh going 😂

You can be anything when you grow up. For instance, I am very tired.

When I’m feeling old, I like to visit my parents so they can push all my buttons until I lose my shit and just like that, I’m 16 again.

Hobosexual. A person who dates you with the sole interest of having a place to stay.

Girl math is deactivating social media accounts to avoid only one person.

I get it dogs, I wish I could also bark at strangers approaching my house.

I love going “Streets are saying” before I say something I literally just made up.

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