If you don’t laugh at my jokes then I will.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

“What’s something you’d tell your younger self?” You can have ice cream for dinner, nobody will stop you.

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I do not have a “body count.” I have a curious spirit.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

Relationship status: my last pickpocket had really gentle hands.

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Discovered a new coping mechanism called lashing out and making your loved ones resent you.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

If we start dating now, we could be feeding each other deviled eggs on Thanksgiving, and breaking up before we have to exchange gifts for Christmas.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

‘You’re going to die alone!’ Okay, when did dying become a group project?

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

I hate when people ask me, “What did you do today?” Like, buddy, listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t know.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Do you remember when you looked through binoculars upside down and everyone was really far away? That was nice.

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I’ve decided to cut my carbs… into smaller pieces before eating them.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Bears and worms have almost nothing in common. But gummy bears and gummy worms? Very similar.