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Commentary:
"Attempting the 'opposite parenting strategy' like a mad scientist? Universe be like: 'Nice try, Sherlock! Parenting puzzles are a whole different galaxy 🌌.' 🤣"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I talk a lot of shit for someone who turns every black shirt into an abstract deodorant mural.

0

2 months ago

abstract, abstract art, art, black, black shirt, deodorant, every, humor, i, lot, self-deprecation, shirt, shit, someone, talk
Your twenties are for destroying and betraying yourself for nothing.

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2 months ago

betraying, choices, crisis, destroying, existential, existential crisis, humor, life, life choices, nothing, self, twenty, yourself, youth
Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely responded to my telepathic messages.

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4 months ago

babe, communication, concern, humor, message, messages, okay, partner, relationship, telepathic, telepathic message, texting
Sure, my internet service is overpriced and spotty but you can’t put a price on unintentionally being dropped from every Zoom meeting.

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2 months ago

being, connectivity, dropped, every, frustration, humor, internet, meeting, overpriced, price, put, service, sure, technology, Zoom
When I take a shower I’m: 5% cleaning myself, 10% singing, 85% making life changing decisions.

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2 months ago

changing, cleaning, decision, humor, i, life, life changing, making, shower, singing, take
What if AirPods had tongues and they started licking the inside of your ears to indicate they’re low on battery?

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2 months ago

absurdity, AirPods, battery, ear, ears, humor, inside, licking, low, technology, tongue

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on X this month:

The first step to recovery is addiction.

24 shares on Discord this month:

Sometimes I watch people do their jobs, and I’m like, damn, you might benefit from a little imposter syndrome, actually.

14 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If liars’ pants really did catch on fire, watching the news would be a lot more fun.

97 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Don’t let anyone treat you like pond water. You are Fiji water, okay?

12 shares on Threads this month:

Are cassette tapes considered classical music yet?

50 shares on Facebook this month:

I hate to brag, but I’ve been the biggest mistake of numerous people’s lives.

41 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Not to brag, but I’ve done nothing for several hours.

24 shares on Slack this month:

The greatest research skill you can have is being a nosy bitch who wants to find out.

49 shares on Threads this month:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode the bikes when we were young.

44 shares on Messenger this month:

Can’t believe we stayed up and screamed “Happy New Year” for this shit.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Went on a date with a guy who didn’t ask me any questions about myself, so it’s on him when he finds out about my husband.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

They should make a drug that recreates the feeling of having your number called earlier than expected.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

I heard a mouse yesterday. So now I loudly announce myself whenever I enter a dark room. In case you’re wondering how brave I am.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Not being able to fall asleep is so embarrassing. All I’m asking my brain to do is nothing and it can’t even do that?

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

I said “cool tattoo” to be nice not because I wanted to hear the 45 minute origin story.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

I made coffee and carried it to the couch. I’ve done everything I had planned for this Sunday.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

There’s nothing like the excitement of a brand-new book to add to the massive pile of books I still haven’t read.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

I feel like an adult spelling bee would humble a lot of us.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

I’m going back to the 90s, if anyone wants to come.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Wow, another wooden ball. Would it kill avocado makers to put a different toy in there?

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Discord:

How do I get someone to unknow me? I no longer want to be known by these people.

Going bananas on Threads:

Due to personal reasons, I’ve decided to become your problem.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Some people post such depressing love shit that I start to miss their exes myself!

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

The pain of watching a movie with someone who talks a lot.

Spotted on X:

Stop being so boyfriendable if you can’t be my boyfriend.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

There’s a fat man inside me dying to get out.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I refuse to be bound by the social construct called “the calendar.” Merry Christmas, everyone.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

If you have a pure heart, you can make pretty much any non-baking meal off just vibes and intuition.

Just landed via Slack:

I recently saw a documentary about dinosaurs. They simply ate everyone they didn’t like. I like that concept.

Just landed via Telegram:

My neighbors were up shouting all night. I could barely hear my bagpipes.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I talk a lot of shit for someone who turns every black shirt into an abstract deodorant mural.

Your twenties are for destroying and betraying yourself for nothing.

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely responded to my telepathic messages.

Sure, my internet service is overpriced and spotty but you can’t put a price on unintentionally being dropped from every Zoom meeting.

When I take a shower I’m: 5% cleaning myself, 10% singing, 85% making life changing decisions.

What if AirPods had tongues and they started licking the inside of your ears to indicate they’re low on battery?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨