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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

I don’t want to party like it’s 1999, I want to go grocery shopping like it is.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

For once, I would just like to underthink a situation. How do you guys do that?

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

You’re in her DMs, she’s in my bed whining that it’s too cold. Can you come get her?

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

My ex texted me saying, “Hey, I miss you,” so I replied, “Sorry, I have zero bars — the past doesn’t have good reception.”

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Are you gonna confess your undying love for me or what, bro?

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

I’m not saying I’ve aged like fine wine, but I am currently being stored in a dark place and avoiding sunlight at all costs.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

I hope this email finds you in a well.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

I don’t always cook dinner but when I do, I use every pan in the kitchen.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Don’t ask me for work advice, I’m just going to tell you to quit your job.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Jan 2, 2026

3,497

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

My name is Bob but my friends don’t call me.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Sorry I left you on read, I didn’t mean to open it just yet.

Live now on Instagram:

Halloween is cool, but nothing is spookier than my previous choices in men.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Marry the man who treats your dumb questions like they’re NASA-level problems.

Making waves on Reddit:

Why would a needle be in a haystack, anyway?

Going viral on Facebook:

I hate when a guy asks “can you cook?” Can you build a house?

Spotted on Snapchat:

Men be like “I would do anything for you,” and then do nothing.

Spotted on Twitch:

Don’t be ashamed to fart while you urinate, cause there is no rain without thunder.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Holiday dinners with family are like real life boss levels with the worst loot.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Welcome to Twitter, where everyone is an expert on everything.

If you occasionally blow on your bourbon during a Zoom meeting, the other folks will think you’re enjoying a hot cup of tea.

2 months ago

0

If you occasionally blow on your bourbon during a Zoom meeting, the other folks will think you’re enjoying a hot cup of tea.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Trying to maintain that sophisticated facade during Zoom meetings like a pro! 🥃💨☕️ Who knew a little bourbon blowing could make you seem so refined? Just remember, tea time or happy hour, it's all about appearances! 😂"

bourbon, cup, disguise, drinking, enjoying, fun, hot, humor, meeting, occasionally, social, tea, think, Zoom

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you’re a guy and you’re struggling right now, just remember nobody cares, and it does get worse.

0

2 weeks ago

adversity, guy, humor, just, life, motivation, nobody, remember, right, sarcasm, struggle, worse
The night is dark and full of terrors. My day is long and full of meetings. Same thing.

0

2 months ago

comparison, dark, day, exhaustion, full, humor, meetings, night, same, same thing, terrors, thing, work
Your odds are greater of being killed by a coconut rather than a shark and this is exactly why I don’t swim in coconut-infested waters.

0

2 months ago

being, coconut, danger, exactly, humor, i, infested, killed, odds, shark, swim, water
I’m so old, I used to cry as a child because I fell off my skateboard or bike, not because I didn’t have wifi.

0

2 months ago

bike, child, childhood, cry, i, nostalgia, old, skateboard, technology, used, wifi
The worst part about re-watching Home Alone is you just know Kevin’s parents bought this house for like $250K.

0

2 months ago

$250K, alone, comedy, home, home alone, house, just, Kevin, know, movie, nostalgia, parents, re-watching, worst
When I moved into my new igloo, my friends threw me a surprise housewarming party. Now I’m homeless.

0

5 months ago

friend, friends, homeless, homelessness, housewarming, housewarming party, humor, i, igloo, joke, me, moved, moving, new, party, surprise, surprise party

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you’re offended by bacon, the United States of America isn’t for you.

11 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m so single, even my husband won’t match with me on Tinder.

100 shares on YouTube this month:

True bravery is getting a text from a woman with three questions in it, and only responding to one.

23 shares on TikTok this month:

Liking a song isn’t enough, I need to be able to call the artist and tell them they did a great job.

99 shares on Snapchat this month:

I remember when a computer didn’t automatically connect to the internet, it used to make a screaming noise. We should have listened.

98 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m just so lazy because I’m still recovering from the fact that I used to be the fastest sperm.

55 shares on Instagram this month:

When my husband says he’ll just be a minute, I know I have enough time to watch an entire television series, paint the house, or go on a quest.

67 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m a Leo so I just eat the other astrological signs.

58 shares on YouTube this month:

There’s a disconnect between the decibel level of my car singing and my talent.

50 shares on Instagram this month:

FOMO? No, I’ve got FOBI. Fear of being invited.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I feel like I should give my air conditioner a plaque for employee of the month.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Thinking the bodega owner likes you is exactly the same as thinking the stripper likes you.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

“Are you seeing anyone,” like hallucinating?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s crazy that you don’t really argue with a baby for the first year of its life and then you have to argue with the baby every day.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Voice messages. Just call, goddamnit!

20 folks are currently checking 👀

No matter how busy my Sunday gets, I always manage to set aside time to panic about Monday.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re in her DMs. I’m accidentally reposting reels of Tibetan foxes because I don’t know how to use the app anymore.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The words I can’t wait to hear someday, “I’m sorry, Mom, you were right about everything.”

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Girls flirt by orbiting your general location like an electron.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Actually, you’re having a conversation with yourself. I’m just here so you don’t appear totally insane.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,585

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Not smiling until Friday; nothing is funny this week.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Nothing can break the bond between me and peanut butter.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

What a bleak life it must be if you’ve never had a drink shoot through your nose when you laugh.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

A little mischievousness is good for the soul.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

If I was on Love Island, I wouldn’t be fighting anyone or starting drama. I would just be playing mermaids in the pool the whole time. They’ve got that giant, beautiful pool, and nobody’s using it.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Money doesn’t impress me. Giving it to me does.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

Them: Money doesn’t bring happiness. Me: Pass the money over here, I like to be sad.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

Venmo is my favorite social media site. I love to see my boy John charge his wife for Martinis.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

If at first you don’t succeed, that’s so embarrassing. Why are you so bad at this?

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

A girl, her bed, and TV series on a Friday evening is a true love story.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Disliking me is valid. I probably confronted you on your poor behavior, while everyone else just accepted it.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Spice up your anxiety attack by playing the Jaws theme song.

Just landed via X:

They don’t put cars in malls anymore, like they used to.

Going viral on Discord:

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for a cauliflower cake, and I reported them for harmful content.

Seen just now on Slack:

The longest and most adventurous journeys begin with the words: “I know a shortcut.”

Just landed via Threads:

If you get drunk and message your ex, don’t worry. When you wake up, send bitcoin ads and pretend you were hacked.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

My personal brand is being the guest at a wedding who can’t dance but puts in a noticeable effort.

Going viral on Telegram:

I’m sorry I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.

Trending via Pinterest:

Homeless man just called me a “loser,” and I showed him my house keys.

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