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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

If I don’t text you saying Happy New Year, we still gang, I’m just lazy.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Shout-out to my embarrassingly squeaky ass bed frame that makes me sound more popular than I actually am to my neighbors.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

It’s fun getting room service. I just love eating a $19 hamburger at a desk in front of a mirror.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

We’d all look younger if we just avoided young people.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Getting an extra 20 minutes in the day when someone cancels a meeting is like finding a penny on the ground. Not gonna use it for anything, but wow, am I excited.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

People at the library need to learn how to be quiet. Some of us are trying to beatbox over here.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

I see stand-up comedy as a stepping stone to television. A few more paid gigs and I’ll be able to afford a television.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

I really appreciate where you’re coming from. I just wish you’d go back.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

I’m just a Whole Foods girl on a Walmart budget.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

I’ve surpassed the need for coffee, for I have evolved into a higher state of awesome.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2015 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,177

Funny Quotes Topics

14,933

Funny Quotes Images

12,177

2 minutes ago

3,442

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

Don’t talk to me while my earphones are in, man, I’m at a concert.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Aliens probably lock their doors when they fly past Earth.

Trending via Facebook:

People aren’t too bad if you stay away from them and don’t go outside.

Shared recently on Threads:

I love how all the movies about teenagers have to be set in the 90s or earlier otherwise we’d just be watching kids on their phones for two hours.

Freshly posted on Slack:

You can just make up words and if you say them in a Scottish accent, people will think they’re real: Looka the wee janglers on that tary bibbit.

Just landed via Facebook:

Just washed my windows and not a single bloke came out and said ‘You can do mine next!’ This used to be a real country.

Just shared via TikTok:

When I die, I hope I’m remembered for my ability to take any bad situation and make it worse.

Reported on X:

The lion does not concern himself with Microsoft Teams.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I love how bananas just take over the whole smoothie. You can never dim her light.

Making waves on X:

Interviewer: Can I get you anything? Me: Yeah, a job!

If you wake up early enough, you can go back to sleep for a few hours. Not everyone knows this.

6 months ago

If you wake up early enough, you can go back to sleep for a few hours. Not everyone knows this.

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Commentary:
🌅⏰💤 Ah, the mystical art of waking up early just to go back to sleep—a secret trick known only to the chosen few! Mastering the fine balance between early rising and sneaky snoozing is truly an underrated skill. Who knew that the path to productivity could involve a detour through dreamland? 😜💭 #SleepHackNinja

advice, back, early, enough, everyone, hours, humor, knows, secret, sleep, wake, wake up

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2015 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,177

Funny Quotes Topics

14,933

Funny Quotes Images

12,177

2 minutes ago

3,453

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Sorry, Mom, I can’t go outside, I’m ugly.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

What you call “Brunch” I call “Breakfast for Alcoholics.”

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Most puns make me feel numb, but math puns make me feel number.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Unfortunately, I’m gonna have to cancel my appointment at a sperm bank. I will just call them and say I can’t come.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

It’s scary when the washing machine spins really fast.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

You ran a half marathon? That’s really cool, I’ve almost finished a bunch of things, too.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Lawyers should get walk-up songs in court like how wrestlers do.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Why can’t they use deep fake technology for good instead of evil? Like taking Zoom meetings for you, stuff like that.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Walking on egg shells? In this economy?

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

No more relationships for me, the last one was an embarrassment to my gangsta.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

AI is trained on what we write, so if we want to save our jobs we should all write really badly for a while. I’ve been doing my bit for years.

Seen just now on Slack:

Remember you are dust and, after you send this email, to dust you shall return.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I was going to do some yoga today, but had a donut instead.

Trending via X:

Wondering when these skinny jeans are gonna kick in.

Live now on Twitch:

Got the zoomies at work, and now HR is chasing me around with a butterfly net.

Reported on Messenger:

Attempted to exercise this morning. Didn’t work out.

Spotted on Instagram:

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

Breaking via Messenger:

My body is like my phone battery. Usually drained by 4pm.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Hilarious when peoples outgoing voicemail message says they “can’t make it to the phone right now.” You carry the phone with you. It’s the only constant in your life.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

First date idea: we deactivate your Instagram.

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