If you want your teen to finish her homework, tell her to fold the laundry.

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“What’s a random act of kindness you’ve done for a stranger recently?” I helped a bunch of teens buy alcohol and cigarettes the other day.

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I wish my wife’s sighs came with subtitles.

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Perfume is designed to be an invisible accessory. It’s not designed to instantly kill the canary when you entered the room.

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Burger King implies the existence of an entire burger based feudal system.

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Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain, and most do.

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Thank God I have a cat. Who else is gonna shit in this box I have?

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My first thought upon waking up in the morning is “not again”.

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Now I know why my dad used to wake up at 4AM and just sit at the kitchen table for an hour.

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Siblings are proof you can love someone and also dislike them at the same time.

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You’re really hot. Wanna share microplastics?