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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

If all men are the same, why does it take women so long to choose one?

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

I hope this email punches you square in the face.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

I didn’t go to the Carribean, my tan is from standing in front of the rotisserie chicken at Costco.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Bragging about how I’ve “really turned my life around recently” without mentioning in which direction.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Porn looks so funny when you’re not horny.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

I think there’s a size limit on engagement rings before they look tacky, to me.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Nobody will know you’re stoned if you’re always stoned.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

Men can be sorted into two camps: the ones who get haircuts way before they need them, and the ones who wait until people in their lives are complaining.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Babe, would it kill you to meow back?

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

I do not care how bad the relationship is, I am NOT calling a radio station for advice.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,289

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

I have neither the patience nor the crayons to show you why this is a bad idea.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Like me, the weather is getting cooler around here.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I tell my kids winning isn’t everything and then I steal money from the monopoly bank.

Shared recently on Slack:

I still can’t believe Aldi sells shopping carts for 25 cents. I’ve got 8 of them now and don’t really even have a use for them, it was just too good of a deal to pass up.

Shared recently on Slack:

I like when I walk with people and they note that I’m a fast walker. We’re in a race. We’re in a race and you’re losing actually.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Welcome to your 40’s: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

Spotted on Threads:

You don’t scare me. You’re not the evil eye I get from my dog when I make him get up from the couch so I can lay down.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

She said she liked animals but apparently all the fruit flies around my apartment was a “turn off”

Trending via Twitch:

The sexual tension between me and disappearing without an explanation.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I wonder if this is all happening because I opened that umbrella inside.

If you want your teen to finish her homework, tell her to fold the laundry.

2 months ago

0

If you want your teen to finish her homework, tell her to fold the laundry.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the age-old parenting hack – the elusive art of distraction! 🧺📚 Tell a teen to fold laundry and suddenly math problems seem like a piece of cake! 🤣 Who knew chores could be the homework motivation we've all been searching for? 🤷‍♂️ #ParentingWin"

advice, chores, finish, fold, funny advice, homework, household, household chores, laundry, parenting, procrastination, teen, tell, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

We can’t use nicknames at work anymore, and I blame Teletubby.

0

5 months ago

blame, i, nickname, rule, Teletubby, work
If you listen closely, you can hear me not caring.

0

2 months ago

apathy, care, humor, indifference, listening, me, sarcasm, wit
If we start dating now, we could be arguing on a road trip by August.

0

2 months ago

activity, arguing, argument, August, dating, fun, fun activity, humor, relationships, road, road trip, start, trip
A good way to get out of a conversation is to take off one of your socks and hand it to the person talking.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkwardness, comedy, conversation, escape, good, hand, humor, interaction, person, prank, quirky, social, social interaction, socks, take, talking
I wish British people had subtitles so I knew what they are on about.

0

2 months ago

British, communication, culture, humor, i, language, misunderstanding, people, subtitles, wish
I went to a mind reader. She almost went mad.

0

2 months ago

humor, i, irony, joke, mad, madness, mind, mind reader, psychic, reader, wit

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on Snapchat this month:

The egg doesn’t swim to the sperm, girl. Never chase a man.

15 shares on X this month:

The problem with relationships these days is you don’t know if you’re the one being cheated on, or cheated with.

58 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m not your dream woman. I am the sudden shouting of ravens that you hear when you enter a part of the forest you shouldn’t have.

78 shares on TikTok this month:

I just need a day between everyday… to recover from the day before… just so I can prepare for the day coming.

65 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Live, laugh, leftovers.

73 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When I look at the world, I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

54 shares on Slack this month:

Stop bothering me, or I will inform you of a behavioral pattern that is noticeable to other people, but I can tell you are not yet aware of.

27 shares on Discord this month:

There’s a cougar warning in my neighborhood, but apparently it’s just a big cat. I bought a case of wine coolers for nothing.

30 shares on Discord this month:

There are two types of people: Those who steal food off your plate and those who you keep in your life.

86 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Don’t put words in my mouth—that’s where the hot dogs go.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The 80s were wild, man. You had bands naming themselves after predatory cats with hearing problems.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Seems like it would be really tough being a girl named Molly at a rave.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Pinky promises are still a legit foundation of trust.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I’ll do a random act of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Having long hair as a guy is so scary because some days I look like the charming lead of a classic film from the 80s, and other days I look like a Discord mod that runs his Magic: The Gathering group like the Navy.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

No one warned me that being an adult was mostly just hurrying up to get somewhere you don’t want to go in the first place.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

That thing they say about getting drunk with the love of your life in a walkable city is no joke. It hits like crack.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The ugliest version of me is the version that comes out when I play board games. I don’t know who she is, but she is a monster. She is not fit for human interaction.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

A moth is just a butterfly with glasses and its hair up.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Airlines be like: “Oh, wow. Oh, God. We didn’t think everyone would bring a bag!”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,720

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

According to the smoke alarm, the food is ready.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

If caterpillars are able to sleep for a long time and come out prettier, why cant I?

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

There are people who have a favourite colour, and there are people whose favourite colour is purple. These are very different things. Purple fans are different creatures.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

The worst part about getting sucked up by the tornado you’re filming is to die knowing your wife was right. You are an idiot.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

I’m an ethical hater. My hate towards you is informed, balanced, and deeply nuanced.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 50’s. Your doctor and pharmacist are both in your contacts now.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

All the stops on the bus are pointless, except the one I’m getting off at.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

First caveman to see fire: Well, this is a buncha bullshit that no one needs (stomps it out) and I predict that’s the last I’ll ever see of that.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

Being the forward-thinking person I am, I kept my winter fat through the summer.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

My ideal vacation would be to drop my family off at the airport and then have a week of peace and quiet.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I wish it were social acceptable to say “I don’t care” and walk away mid conversation when you’re bored.

Spotted on Threads:

Babymaking music but it’s the Benny Hill theme song.

Spotted on Pinterest:

My son put his dish in the sink so I rushed him to urgent care.

Just shared via Discord:

That awkward moment when you have to pretend that you like the gift.

Making waves on Twitch:

How my weekend was? Light, dark, light, dark, Monday.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I believe that emails are trying to tell us something.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Horror movies have ruined the joy of skinny-dipping for me.

Live now on Messenger:

People acting all happy and energized first thing in the morning. Chill out! You aren’t a Teletubby.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Dear algorithm, only show this post to the most attractive and successful people.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Life is too short. Tell his mom what he did to you.

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