Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Looks like the kids have a tough choice to make – doze off peacefully or face the daunting task of cleaning up! 😂🕰️🌙 Better hit the sack before the vacuum cleaner hits back! 🛏️✨ #ParentingDilemmas"

awake, bedtime, child, clean, exceptions, house, humor, new, past, policy, sleep

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Standing on a scale and thinking: so much wisdom and inner beauty can’t be light.

0

2 months ago

beauty, body, body image, humor, image, inner, inner beauty, light, much, scale, self-reflection, standing, thinking, weight, wisdom
Guy inventing jogging: how can I suffer, but with music?

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2 months ago

activity, exercise, fun, fun activity, guy, humor, i, invention, jogging, music, suffering
What’s it called when you’re super insecure but, at the same time, you can walk into a room full of people and think you’re better than everyone else?

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5 months ago

better, confidence, else, everyone, full, humor, insecure, insecurity, paradox, people, personality, personality trait, room, same, self-esteem, situation, social, social situation, super, think, time, trait, walk
My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.

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2 months ago

asked, bottle, conversation, drinking, empty, half, humor, i, joke, me, pessimist, relationship, said, why, wife, wine, yesterday
The sound of rain outside when you’re in bed is elite.

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2 months ago

bed, comfort, cozy, elite, leisure, nature, nature sounds, outside, rain, relaxation, self-care, sound, sounds
I wear a lot of clothes for someone who hates doing laundry.

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2 months ago

clothes, daily, daily life, doing, fashion, humor, i, laundry, life, lot, procrastination, someone, wear

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

25 shares on YouTube this month:

I think more people would actually heal from their trauma if they got revenge.

77 shares on YouTube this month:

Home is where you can walk around like a bum.

26 shares on Twitch this month:

Waving at the end of every Zoom call like it’s the 1800s and a big steamship is leaving the harbor.

42 shares on Messenger this month:

Children really brighten up a home. They never turn the lights off, …

63 shares on Threads this month:

Buying books and reading them are actually two entirely different hobbies.

12 shares on Pinterest this month:

Disliking me is valid. I probably confronted you on your poor behavior, while everyone else just accepted it.

79 shares on Discord this month:

Being single is better than asking a man to act like a man.

57 shares on Slack this month:

I thought the noise my husband’s stomach was making was never going to end last night until I realized it was a motorbike outside.

60 shares on WeChat this month:

When you turn 50, they change the lightbulb in your fridge to that memory eraser from Men in Black.

66 shares on Snapchat this month:

Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Can I do better? Yes. Will I do better? Probably not.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Remember, if you start with, “It’s crazy to think…” you can say whatever you want.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

To all the people with grammatical issues, don’t worry, I also have problems with badly timed periods.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

It is a shame that nothing is built in America anymore. I just bought a TV that said: “Built in Antenna”. I don’t even know where that is.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

My husband is the do-it-yourself type. I asked him to take out the garbage and he said, “do it yourself.”

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

Being in college when The Chainsmokers dropped Closer was an experience to say the least.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

You don’t need to explain yourself if you carry a chainsaw.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

I’m forced to conclude that not liking my posts is a you problem.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

Optimist: The glass is ½ full. Pessimist: The glass is ½ empty. Excel: The glass is January 2nd.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

I don’t mind pulling your cart — I’ve been chasing the carrot anyway, and it’s in the same direction.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

The only thing Flat Earthers have to fear is sphere itself.

Broadcasted on Discord:

The more I practice, the luckier I get.

Going viral on Facebook:

Terrifying if taken literally—if these walls could talk.

Going viral on Twitch:

At least life has music.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Do not EVER text while driving. Please use the giant iPad attached to your dashboard.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Obviously, I’m gonna upload pictures with filters and in my best angles. If you wanna see the ugly side of me, come to my house, but bring ice cream.

Just landed via Discord:

Eating the rest of the donuts will keep me from eating donuts tomorrow. My logic is flawless.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I don’t like the person I become when my boss tells me I should be working while at work.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Blowing kisses to my coworkers so that nobody talks to me today.

Spotted on Messenger:

Folks, please have more respect for people with glasses. Because they pay money to see you.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m implementing a new policy in my house: any child who is awake past bedtime can either go to sleep or clean the house, no exceptions.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Standing on a scale and thinking: so much wisdom and inner beauty can’t be light.

Guy inventing jogging: how can I suffer, but with music?

What’s it called when you’re super insecure but, at the same time, you can walk into a room full of people and think you’re better than everyone else?

My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.

The sound of rain outside when you’re in bed is elite.

I wear a lot of clothes for someone who hates doing laundry.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨