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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

I’ve got nothing against kids, I just don’t understand why you’d want indoor kids.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

My friend thinks he’s smart. He said onions are the only food that makes him cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Being a sleepy girl with a busy life is so hard.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

I personally feel like I have what it takes to become a fossil.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

I followed a diet but it didn’t follow me back, so I unfollowed it.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Yeah, I have a drinking problem. It’s called dehydration.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

My dad thought Siri would be more helpful finding a lemon ricotta recipe if he used an Italian accent.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

I need like twelve incomes for this lifestyle I have in my head.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Imagine the sound a centipede would make if they wore tiny flip flops.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2387 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,549

Funny Quotes Topics

15,227

Funny Quotes Images

12,549

Updated

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Users Online

3,451

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Everyone is awful in their own special way.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Are we all getting a front-row seat to the end times, or what?

Making waves on X:

Not working on myself because I make better content this way.

Going viral on Reddit:

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I hope my email finds you enraged.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Money is always a motive for murder. Stay broke.

Seen just now on Threads:

While the optimist and pessimist argued about the glass of water, the opportunist drank it.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I would never be comfortable delivering a baby. I can’t even remove an avocado pit without dropping it.

Trending via Discord:

Kinda rude when I spend money, and it actually leaves my bank account. But okay.

I’m living in a parallel universe where I suck at parking.

Jan 27, 2025

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Parallel universe problems: Navigating the galaxy like a pro but failing at parking on Earth like a champ! 🌌🚗😅 #SpaceCadetDriver"

driving, humor, i, living, parallel, parallel universe, parking, self-deprecation, struggles, suck, universe, where

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

1 week ago
Share → : “Where did all your money go?” I’m either wearing it or eating it.
6 months ago
Share → : Beavers are also just otters that have learned carpentry.
6 months ago
Share → : Nobody is meaner to me than me. So take your shot.
Jan 21, 2025
Share → : It’s so hot out here, I saw a bird blowing on a worm before he ate it.
6 months ago
Share → : The internet is fun because you can post about mayonnaise and somehow end up in a fight.
5 months ago
Share → : I’m so toxic, I can fight for a relationship I don’t even want.
Jan 25, 2025
Share → : With no training whatsoever, I took out myself and the other two people exiting the ski lift in one fell swoop.
Jan 23, 2025
Share → : Baby for sale. Refuses to wear shoes.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

My bad for thinking everyone has common sense.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

Asking people their favorite color and then calling them liars.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

The feminine urge to act clueless while knowing everything.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

I just agree with people so that they stop talking.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Back in the day, you used to have to listen to records backwards to discover conspiracy theories.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Who can better express pain and grief and misery than a man with a harmonica?

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

I need to consult the woods about this.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

I hate when I change the battery in the bathroom scale, and it starts telling the truth again.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Lord, they down here giving us bills every month after you already paid the price.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

At this point of my celibacy, I can see the same colors as mantis shrimp. What do you know about blorange and gurple?

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Twitter is evidence that insane people can be extremely entertaining from a safe distance.

Live now on Snapchat:

Before I started my own business, I would suffer from anxiety on Sunday nights. But now that I run my own business, I have anxiety every night.

Shared recently on X:

“I’m at a point in my life where my favorite thing to do is nothing.”

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Did I eat too much candy today? My stomach says yes, but my heart says no.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not exhausted, that’s just your face now.

Seen just now on WeChat:

If you only watched reality TV dating shows, you would probably estimate the number of people who work in medical device sales in the United States to be approximately 80,000,000.

Trending via Slack:

Here’s to a new year of making the same old mistakes, but with far more enthusiasm.

Trending via Pinterest:

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with you.

Going viral on WeChat:

“Why don’t you tell us anything anymore?” I’ve updated my privacy policy.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Drinking through a straw is the opposite of snorkeling.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m living in a parallel universe where I suck at parking.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I don’t understand why bugs come inside when they have a whole outside to themselves.

The Jaws theme stays on during sex.

The introverted urge to spend a week alone at home after many holidays and family gatherings.

No thank you, I only like men who have no interest in me.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

My housemates are convinced our house is haunted. I’ve lived here for 274 years and not noticed anything strange.

Honestly, shopping beats therapy, anytime. It costs the same and you get a dress out of it.

I’m now at the age where sitting cross-legged on the floor is punishable by about three days of full-body paralysis.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

It’s Friday. Rules don’t apply.

I have two dogs: one dominates, the other is a subwoofer.

The incontinent optimist sees the bladder as half empty.

You don’t realize how incorrect and annoying YouTube video essays are until they’re about something you like.

If you catch me smiling at you, chances are I am plotting my revenge.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Shout out to everyone who cooks at 180°C for 20 minutes, no matter what the instructions say.

Me every time I wake up: Oh no, not again!

So, if I take out a reverse mortgage on my house does that mean I’ll own a bank after 30 years?

Having children is a pyramid scheme.

Don’t hate me because I can fall asleep within seconds; hate me because I can sleep through the night without having to get up to go to the bathroom.

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I’m living in a parallel universe where I suck at parking.

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