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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Just so you know, what you now call an energy bar is what my father gave the canary.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

“Beauty sleep” is bullshit. I sleep 14 hours a day and still look like trash.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

My sleeping pattern isn’t even a pattern anymore. It’s a lifestyle.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

If you haven’t tried blindfold archery, you should give it a go. You don’t know what you’re missing.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Sorry, but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. Walking faster than me? Also my enemy. Now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm, yeah, I’m thinking enemy.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Every day, I go to work and draw a little tick on everyone who didn’t say goodbye to me the day before.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

These days, you gotta have a job for the bills and another job for yourself.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

You are not in a situationship. You are texting a man who doesn’t like you.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

My biggest motivation for getting out of bed in the morning is knowing that I will eventually be able to get back in the bed.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

It’s completely absurd that Silicon Valley is pushing AI on us before they figured out how to keep fries fresh for longer.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

300 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,569

Funny Quotes Topics

17,627

Funny Quotes Images

15,569

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,546

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

Today is a wonderful day to leave me alone.

Just landed via Twitch:

Sometime you meet such a prince that you’d rather marry the horse.

Going bananas on Twitch:

I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.

Live now on YouTube:

Starting your most incoherent sentence with “put simply” to deflect blame onto the reader.

Just shared via TikTok:

I love how every website has a “Keep me signed in on this computer” button and it’s just straight up bullshit.

Shared recently on Slack:

I’m sick of diarrhea. I want to livarrhea.

Trending via LinkedIn:

One day you said w00t for the last time, and didn’t even realize.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

When did making sense stop making sense?

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Life is short, unless you’re listening to a kid describing an episode of PAW Patrol.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Just the owls and I out here enjoying the breeze amongst the trees.

I’m not a fan of camping, if I wanted to sleep outside I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

I’m not a fan of camping, if I wanted to sleep outside I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs a tent when you've got a cozy bed and a roof over your head? 🏠😴 Camping is just nature's way of saying 'Hey, remember how good you have it at home?' 🌲⛺️ Maybe roughing it just means you forgot to set the thermostat to your preferred temperature 😉❄️ #IndoorCampingFTW"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

18 shares on Snapchat this month:

I have had songs stuck in my head and I have had people stuck in my head, I highly recommend songs.

82 shares on Facebook this month:

Before I agree to the new year, I wanna read the terms and conditions.

84 shares on YouTube this month:

The best part about being married is having a permanent person to debrief with immediately after any social event.

95 shares on Slack this month:

I was about to organise my closet, but I then I found what I was looking for.

26 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Imagine a refund on all the money you spent on alcohol.

59 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Making food: 1 hour. Eating food: 20 seconds. Washing dishes: never ending.

81 shares on Telegram this month:

My stomach just made the exact sound of the “your” in “your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system.”

100 shares on TikTok this month:

Marriages are like pancakes. Sometimes you gotta throw the first one out.

70 shares on Slack this month:

Please stop adding touchscreens to cars. Most of these idiots can barely drive as it is.

36 shares on X this month:

At this point of my celibacy, I can see the same colors as mantis shrimp. What do you know about blorange and gurple?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a mom who cooks good food is such a big flex.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Life hack: you don’t need salt if you just cry into your dinner.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t wait until you’re on your death bed to let them know how you feel. You may be too weak to raise your middle finger.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Sunday is my favorite day to invent new things to worry about.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

A gambler is only called an addict when he loses.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

“It’s Raining Men” and “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor” are the same song from different points of view.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Unless you fell off the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The way Adele works for 6 months and then disappears for 7 years is very much the work-life balance I’m all about.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Breaking news is really breaking me.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

“My family doesn’t have a black sheep,” I say, while everyone avoids eye contact.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

300 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,569

Funny Quotes Topics

17,627

Funny Quotes Images

15,569

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,416

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Nothing ruins your weekend faster than remembering Monday is lurking in the shadows.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

The peace of not knowing.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Anyone who thinks things have got so bad that they can only get better is showing a remarkable lack of imagination.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

In a job interview, you can always respond to an awkward question with a deep gaze and parted lips, followed by “You complete me.”

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

I keep screenshots the way my husband keeps old cords, stored neatly away until the day I might need them.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

My favorite pirate song is “Aye of the Tiger”

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Girl dinner, but it’s the hearts of men who wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

The worst part of marriage is when you do something stupid, the best part of marriage is when your partner does something stupid.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

Stereotypes are like mass graves. They’re both offensive ways to lump groups of people together.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

My head is starting to get dented from hitting rock bottom so often.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

December. The month at work where everything is January’s problem.

Trending via WeChat:

The only time anyone should watch the news is to study how psychological manipulation works on the general public.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Just because your parents planned you doesn’t mean you weren’t a mistake.

Seen just now on YouTube:

If you think my posts are ridiculous, you should see some of my life choices.

Shared recently on Slack:

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Live now on Reddit:

If white men can’t jump, how do you explain Super Mario?

Seen just now on TikTok:

Breaking up is fine, but logging me out of your Netflix is crazy.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Does anyone have the number of the witch from Snow White? I need a few apples.

Going viral on Messenger:

It is easier to pass a camel through the eye of a needle than it is to convince somebody online that they are wrong.

Just shared via WeChat:

Just said “shitted feet” instead of “fitted sheet” in front of my my son and his friends. If you need me, I’ll be in the closet.

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