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My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

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Never underestimate the healing power of a cheeseburger.

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I was dropped as an adult.

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I prefer people who actually know what’s going on.

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I tried explaining crypto to my nine-year-old, and she said, “It sounds like someone is trying to sell you their imaginary friend.”

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Behold the majestic elephant in its natural habitat, the room.

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Would have started saving money in kindergarten if I knew my life was like this.