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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ผ has viewed:

Asking the cashier how Iโ€™m doing today.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ญ has viewed:

I talk to my dog like sheโ€™s human and, like most humans, she looks at me like Iโ€™m an idiot.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ง has bookmarked:

Toddlers: the brutally honest roommates nobody asked for!

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ท has downloaded:

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡น has copied:

If we were subway rats, Iโ€™d share my pizza crust with you.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ด has shared:

Turns out strange women lying in ponds distributing swords was a better basis for a system of government actually.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has viewed:

Tidying up usually ends up with you sitting somewhere and playing around with things you found while tidying up.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ป has copied:

If I ever go missing, promise me that you wonโ€™t put my weight on the poster.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ณ has bookmarked:

Can I get back all those naps I refused to take as a kid? I could really use them now.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ช has bookmarked:

Telling the guy next to me on the subway that Iโ€™m not even ticklish, so donโ€™t bother trying.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,563

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Just shared via Snapchat:

Why are moths always out at night when they like light so much? Wait til y’all find out about the sun.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Finally gathered all my thoughts and now they’re jumping me.

Spotted on YouTube:

Job-hopping is a funny concept, like ‘Hey, Iโ€™m gonna go hate my life over there instead.’

Spotted on Snapchat:

Currently helping my kids find the chocolate that I ate last night.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

No more learning experiences, please, God. I am smart enough.

Making waves on Telegram:

Do you ever wake up in the morning and you’re just like… no.

Trending via Slack:

โ€œIโ€™ve tasted going back to an ex, and Iโ€™ve tasted trying to fix a relationship before it breaks. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 10 p.m.โ€

Broadcasted on Threads:

No revenge, because losing someone like me is enough.

Going bananas on TikTok:

You are allowed to be crazy as long as you are equally as hot.

Just landed via Telegram:

I hate when someone on a magazine cover stares at me while I eat.

Iโ€™m not built to work, Iโ€™m built to brood in a castle with all my unread books.

Witty quote about preferring brooding in a castle over working, humorous and playful tone.
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Commentary:
"Who needs a 9-to-5 job when you can reign over your domain of unread books in your literary fortress? ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿ“š Just call me the King/Queen of Procrastination! ๐Ÿ‘‘๐Ÿ˜‚ #BroodingGoals"

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Keep the laugh going ๐Ÿ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes ๐Ÿ‘‡

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Social Media Stars โญ

46 shares on Pinterest this month:

My dream DUI is driving a Saab through the Great British Bake Off tent.

13 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Itโ€™s not jingling to you that Iโ€™m standing on Christmas.

99 shares on TikTok this month:

I donโ€™t mind being fully naked or my top half being naked, but I hate being naked from the waist down only. This is why I could never be a cartoon duck.

97 shares on X this month:

A spiral is just a circle that’s afraid of closure.

55 shares on Pinterest this month:

Every girl keeps an extra boyfriend and calls him ‘best friend’.

99 shares on YouTube this month:

Once you start paying rent, every joke stops being funny.

32 shares on Instagram this month:

You never realize what you have until it’s gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

51 shares on Discord this month:

What wine pairs well with the kids being stuck inside during a heat wave?

58 shares on Pinterest this month:

Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

29 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you were a dinosaur, you’d be a Gorgeousaurus.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

12 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

It sucks when you realize itโ€™s only Thursday, until you realize itโ€™s only Wednesday.

16 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

โ€œWhat do your tattoos mean?โ€ They mean I can sit still for a long time.

15 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

โ€œI shouldโ€™ve peed before I left,โ€ will be my epitaph.

12 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Walking into someone’s house with healthy, thriving houseplants everywhere: “Oh, I see you dabble in witchcraft!”

23 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Telling my boss I wasn’t drunk really backfired. I probably should have waited until he asked.

13 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Fancy restaurants are self-esteem destroyers because good luck not leaving an embarrassing stain on the white table cloth. Ever.

7 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

The ’90s were a time of blissful ignorance where we expected rock stars to sleep with groupies.

21 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!” Oh, it’s ok, you can just kill me next time.

22 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

On my phone, youโ€™ll never see contacts saved as ‘babe’ or ‘love.’ I save full namesโ€”first and lastโ€”like a government office.

23 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Stephen King’s It is the bone chilling story about adults who are forced to spend time with their childhood friends.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,677

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ณ has viewed:

Thinking of starting a true crime podcast. Gotta explain this search history somehow.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ซ has viewed:

Sometimes being a woman is just trying to figure out if youโ€™re hormonally sad, seasonally sad, or genuinely falling apart.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ท has copied:

All the fruit flies are well-behaved near the garbage, only one is constantly nagging somewhere else because it thinks it has to discover new lands.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ท has viewed:

Every time I leave the house, I’m reminded why sweatpants exist.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ท has viewed:

Maybe the reason Miss Piggy is still single is she has a fear of kermitment.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has copied:

If you fall asleep long enough, the steering wheel gives you a pillow.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ท has shared:

I have to work because the baby is expensive. (I’m the baby.)

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has bookmarked:

Sane is boring.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has downloaded:

I will trust someone on Reddit from 11 years ago with my life before using ChatGPT for anything.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ธ has copied:

Mount Rushmore would be way more American if all the presidents were eating.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Going viral on Threads:

How was the word “Wife” invented? They took the first two and last two letters of wildlife.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I’m only staying up until midnight on New Year’s to watch that bloody year die.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I used to be so graceful, now I am like a puppy with a box stuck on her head.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Pinterest algorithm is like a loving dad who fills the whole fridge with oranges after seeing you enjoy one.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

In case you wanna quit vaping, I’d suggest using a harmonica.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Had a shower and put on clean pajamas. It was a productive day.

Spotted on Facebook:

Fyi, if you like listening to โ€œrain sounds,โ€ they’re almost all recordings of chicken being fried.

Seen just now on TikTok:

And to think I survived a global pandemic for this.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

HR has told me to stop saying ‘How stupid can you be?’ to members of staff. They’re worried it’s being taken as a challenge.

ยฉ 2026. All rights reserved.

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