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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

If we were both crows, I’d bring you shiny things.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

That one British friend that’s too bloke.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Sorry, I can’t hang out. I don’t know enough words.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

I just wish I had the confidence of my husband who thinks everything only takes 5 minutes.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Time machine? You mean a clock?

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

God: “You’re all a bunch of bastards and I should never have created you.”

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

Good morning only to the complexity and uncertainty of everything.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Don’t be fooled by what your kids will eat at someone else’s house.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

I’m getting close to that age where people applaud the things I’m “still able to do”.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

I don’t have a favorite vampire. If you ask me, they all suck.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,727

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

I wish pets lived longer, and life wasn’t so expensive, and cake didn’t make you fat, and people weren’t twats.

Going viral on Instagram:

One of the benefits of being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas, no make-up, and look like crap and I won’t judge you.

Breaking via Messenger:

These quiet electric cars are really annoying. I have to stop scrolling and look up while walking outside now.

Breaking via YouTube:

Anyone else think it’s weird how cancer kills more people than any other astrological sign.

Shared recently on Twitch:

If you turn your phone off for 1 day, you’ll realize it’s still 2007 outside.

Spotted on Threads:

I was an ugly baby. It’s been downhill since then.

Just landed via Telegram:

Prepare your kids for social media by putting their artwork on the fridge and writing a bunch of mean comments under it.

Just landed via TikTok:

I like to establish dominance by yawning the minute someone tries to make small talk with me.

Breaking via X:

I’d change my name to laundry if it meant you’d think about doing me every day.

Spotted on Twitch:

My life coach traded me.

I’m super lazy today. It’s like normal lazy but I’m wearing a cape.

Witty quote about feeling lazy while donning a cape, playful and humorous in tone.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Being lazy is an art form, and today you're a superhero of procrastination! Just remember, with great laziness comes great responsibility… to nap frequently."

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on Twitch this month:

Home is where you’ve left the shopping list.

42 shares on Pinterest this month:

My boss was like, “People working from home are just pretending to work,” and it’s like, dude, what do you think I’m doing in the office?

46 shares on Facebook this month:

In honor of the fall equinox, I will also be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

55 shares on Threads this month:

I wanted to study psychology, but I have more potential as a patient, to be honest.

87 shares on Reddit this month:

“Bye, have a great day, I’ll see you after school”, I tell the orange in my kid’s lunch.

82 shares on Snapchat this month:

The reward for doing really good work is more work.

49 shares on Slack this month:

I like people who make eye contact like they know something I don’t.

10 shares on Threads this month:

I hope this email keeps you awake at night.

37 shares on Reddit this month:

White Lotus is a cautionary tale about taking time off from work.

20 shares on TikTok this month:

Even worse than a spider is a spider that just disappeared.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever first said, “It gets to a point,” was definitely at that point, and I feel them deeply.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My cats won’t talk to me because I came home late from work.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m sorry you had a bad experience at our restaurant. To make it up to you, here is a coupon for more of our terrible, terrible food.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve broken all my New Year’s Resolutions so now I’m moving on to laws of nature.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Buying something nice for myself, cuz today would’ve been my birthday if I was born today.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I made a resolution to eat better and exercise in the new year but didn’t specify which year I was referring to.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, babe, can’t right now. The group chat is active, and I’m trying to get my joke in before they change topics.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, can’t go out tonight. My bed told me it needs me, and I can’t let it down.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

No haunted houses for me this year. If I wanna be frightened, I’ll just look at my 401k.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

You don’t use a semicolons correctly; you use a semicolon confidently.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,768

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

I bet once Bigfoot tries cheeseburgers, he’s gonna wanna hangout with us all the time.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

One does not simply become a master of karate. First, you must accidentally walk into a spider web.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

The only exercise I done last month was running out of money.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Inventor of pink lemonade: yes, exactly the same, but cute and for the girls.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Stop trying to be liked by everybody. You don’t even like everybody.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

It’s like ten thousand views when all you need is a like.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Work from home is all fun and games until you lose grip on reality.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

In an effort to keep our house clean before Thanksgiving, I’ve asked my family to go live somewhere else.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

I don’t remember what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a broke, stressed-out, over-thinker with no clothes that fit.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

My first mistake of my life was my birth.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

Once again, I have fallen for life’s biggest scam: being two hours early for a flight only for security to take roughly seven minutes.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Looking forward to another year of crushing reality and unfulfilled dreams.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I got a raise! On my meds dosage. But still.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I bet my calculator app wrapped would be pretty shameful.

Shared recently on Slack:

Sometimes I sneeze so loud and hard I think I’m a dad.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

Just landed via Messenger:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here eating Nutella from the jar with a spoon.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I stopped adding “Let me know if you have any more questions!” to my emails because don’t email me again.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Any room can be an escape room when you have diarrhea.

Trending via Snapchat:

You know where I’d like to go? Missing.

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