In case any nudes of me should appear somewhere: It was very cold that day.

92 shares on Facebook this month:

Going to a concert with a tomato in each hand just to make the band nervous.

84 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m not lazy, I’m waiting for inspiration to hit me… should be here any time now.

41 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I would like you to meet my significant other. Her name is Cheese.

98 shares on Messenger this month:

A marriage is about solving problems together, you know, those problems you wouldn’t have if you were single.

80 shares on Pinterest this month:

Not looking for a sugar daddy, but something more of a pay pal.

100 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m not worried about shattering the illusion, I want to smash it to pieces.

43 shares on Facebook this month:

Ah, the magical land of Monday—the gift that keeps not giving!

70 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Just once I’d like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear “Monday has been cancelled,” and then go back to sleep.

34 shares on Discord this month:

The best way to enjoy your tea while the world is falling apart around you is to remember that the world has always been falling apart around you.

10 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When a documentary starts with an old person going, ‘We’re a small town, we didn’t lock our doors at night,’ oh, we’re gonna find out what made them start.