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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

If it ain’t broke, my kids haven’t used it yet.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

I’ve been so stressed about getting my shit together that I haven’t gotten any of my shit together.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how quiet your bathroom exhaust fan was.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

A big part of aging is accumulating keys and not knowing what they’re for.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Thought getting captured by cannibals would be terrifying, but they’re actually feeding me really well.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Did you know that if a unicorn and I were to race, the unicorn would likely win cause unicorns are about as real as my desire to race anything?

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

If you are into coding, pivot to hunting and gathering.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

“Baby on board” Okay, well, can you tell him to drive faster?

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Ugh, sometimes I just wish there was a song about liking to move it, move it.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

My ex thinks I’m with someone else, someone else thinks I’m with my ex, everyone wonders where I am. Here I am. Just enjoying my own life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,636

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

Whenever I’m with real yappers, I realize I might actually be a listener.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Behind every beautiful woman is either tummy issues, low iron, or poor eyesight.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I keep screenshots the way my husband keeps old cords, stored neatly away until the day I might need them.

Making waves on Slack:

I might be late to a lot of places, but the airport is not one of them.

Trending via Slack:

Do people who spend a fortune on outdoor heating know they can just go inside?

Seen just now on Slack:

To be gentle in this world is an act of rebellion.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

The existence of raw sexuality implies the existence of medium sexuality, but also well-done sexuality.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I don’t think I’m allowed to be in public for over an hour.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I still can’t believe they named a company GoDaddy.

Making waves on Facebook:

I’ve already broken all my resolutions and like four commandments.

It used be called “talking to yourself” but the new term for it is “podcasting”.

2 weeks ago

Witty quote about self-talk now called podcasting, humorously highlighting solo conversation.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Remember when they called it 'talking to yourself'? Now it's just 'podcasting' – because adding a microphone makes it legit, right? 🎙️😂 Who knew all those years of solo monologues were just ahead of their time! #PodcastLife"

communication, entertainment, humor, new, podcasting, self-talk, talking, term, used, yourself

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on Twitch this month:

Men be like, “That’s my dream girl,” then ruin her perspective of love forever.

24 shares on Snapchat this month:

To me, essential oils are what drips out of tacos.

85 shares on WhatsApp this month:

God, is there anything worse than when someone wants to show you a video?

55 shares on Messenger this month:

Nighttime is when I remember that one weird thing I said in 6th grade, and feel bad about it forever.

34 shares on X this month:

I’m only drinking a lot of beer tonight because I need the room in the fridge.

73 shares on Snapchat this month:

Might go to prison so I can focus on the gym properly.

79 shares on Telegram this month:

Deleted old Tweets just in case I date a very famous woman with rabid fans.

60 shares on Slack this month:

The good news is cannon deaths have gone down dramatically in the last hundred years.

94 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Whoever came up with the spelling for “receipt” was an idiopt.

18 shares on Facebook this month:

The enemy of my enemy is my friend. But I’m my own worst enemy, so I guess I’m also my best friend.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Slapping the TV remote on your knee extends the battery life. It’s science.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever first said, “I’m in a pickle,” must have had the weirdest day.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

The first guy to clap after seeing something cool must have been like “what the hell am I doing?”

19 folks are currently checking 👀

How I clean my room: 1. Start in one corner. 2. Find something from six years ago and stare at it nostalgically for five hours. 3. Go to bed.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, then you love a boomerang.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I think I’ll spend my savings on a lifetime supply of pasta. Worth every penne.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I should go to jail so I can focus on the gym.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The greatest allies fascism and genocide have are the people who say, “I don’t follow the news, it’s too depressing.”

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Looking forward to eight hours of trying to get four hours of sleep tonight.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,478

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

At the age where a big break could mean either my career or a hip.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

How much chocolate is too much chocolate before it is technically no longer a salad?

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Am I the only one who prays about everything? Like, ‘God, please help me find where I dropped my AirPods.’

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

When you’re a snowman, everything smells like a carrot.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Took a good look at my finances. I won’t make that mistake again.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

How dare my boss set up a meeting for the time I sneak off early?

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

Liquor on the top shelf is so expensive because the bartender has to stand on their tippy toes to reach it.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

They say every snowflake is different, as if someone actually checked them.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Girls be like “forget it, I’m fine” then set your house on fire.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I march to the beat of my own dumb.

Seen just now on Threads:

If you tell lies about me, I’ll tell the truth about you.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Wife asked if I could stop singing Wonderwall. I said maybe…

Spotted on Twitch:

I need something good to watch while I’m on my phone.

Breaking via X:

Reading for pleasure implies the existence of reading for pain. They’re calling it a PhD.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

If my house is clean, just know I yelled at everyone for two hours first.

Just shared via Twitch:

I’m lacking vitamin c-ash.

Seen just now on Discord:

Santa has the right idea: only visit people once a year, eat a snack, leave early.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Drilling for oil is well boring.

Live now on Telegram:

With certain people, you get nauseous just hearing their name.

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