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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

So apparently if they ask “do you trust me?”, replying with “well, I trust you to be you” is the incorrect response.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

I’m tired of being an adult. Therefore, I will be stepping down. Thank you!

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

My tombstone will read “Hey there, I’m using WhatsApp!”.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Songs discovered from movies are usually a masterpiece.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

I love diss tracks because it’s basically two dudes going, “grr, we hate each other so much we’re going to take turns writing increasingly personalized poetry!”

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

A beaver is an otter that has studied architecture.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Toilets are not a crime scene, traces may be removed!

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Tuesday is no better than Monday.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Remember when we were kids and did everything we could to grow up? We were so stupid!

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Tensing up so the masseuse doesn’t win.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,580

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Reddit:

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Seen just now on Instagram:

All quiet on the frontal lobe.

Making waves on Messenger:

Why, as a hair, would you even wanna be ingrown. Like why are you doing that?

Spotted on YouTube:

As a child, all I wanted was as to be a time traveller, like my grandson and his grandson before him.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Hate when I have to be mean. Why would you push a sweet girl this far?

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

It’s not ‘drinking alone’ if you’re at work.

Making waves on Instagram:

I know it hurts like hell, and you don’t think you can do it, but it’s just one push-up.

Spotted on Slack:

I hate when my cat runs into my bedroom and hisses at an empty chair, then runs back out again; and I then have to fall asleep holding a crucifix.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

“Love is in the air.” Wrong. Microplastics.

Just landed via Reddit:

That moment when you cut into a seedless watermelon and find out it’s only allegedly seedless.

It used be called “talking to yourself” but the new term for it is “podcasting”.

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It used be called “talking to yourself” but the new term for it is “podcasting”.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Remember when they called it 'talking to yourself'? Now it's just 'podcasting' – because adding a microphone makes it legit, right? 🎙️😂 Who knew all those years of solo monologues were just ahead of their time! #PodcastLife"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Discord this month:

I used to party all night. Now I check the weather forecast for the next day to see if it’s a good laundry day.

93 shares on Facebook this month:

“I read 20 books this year!” That’s nothing. I read 50,000 tweets.

43 shares on Threads this month:

Time machine? You mean a clock?

46 shares on Facebook this month:

Roman soldiers are all like “I’m going to fight you in this short yet tasteful leather skirt.”

72 shares on X this month:

When they ask “how was your weekend?” answer “better than yours” and maintain eye contact.

92 shares on TikTok this month:

Imagine hating on me and I’m just sitting there in the corner, in the spotlight, losing my religion.

83 shares on Slack this month:

Everyone should be more grateful for what I don’t say.

84 shares on Pinterest this month:

There’s no-one who can get more drunk on power than the admin of a village Facebook group.

24 shares on Pinterest this month:

I hate when people are outside when I’m trying to parallel park. I need some privacy.

30 shares on TikTok this month:

Yes, I was behind the DJ booth, but only as a cultural anthropologist.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I can understand why chickens wake up and scream.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s been my experience that people seem a lot nicer before we get married.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I predict the next world war will be artificial intelligence versus genuine stupidity.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

University is more like teaching yourself for a class you paid for.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Objection your honor, if the prosecutor doesn’t have anything nice to say then he shouldn’t say anything at all.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Engaging in deforestation (trimming my bush).

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember: no matter what anyone else thinks of you, it’s how you delude yourself that matters.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Starting drama with me the week before my period is an absolutely terrible idea – for you.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Kinda in the mood to let my feelings impair my judgement.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

“We’re the only species that drinks milk after infancy, dairy is bad for you!” We’re also the only species that drinks peach mango pineapple spirulina kale smoothies, Karen. Let me eat my cheese in peace.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,425

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Pro tip: Avoid the news for a couple of days and have some fun.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

Had some plain yogurt with protein powder in it for breakfast, and not only is it high in protein and very filling, it’s also disgusting.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

I might start telling people I’m 10 years older than I actually am just so they can tell me how great I look for my age.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Done with work today. The work day isn’t over, I’m just done with it.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Some people are so fake, their lock screens don’t recognize them.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Sorry, I wasn’t really listening but that’s awesome, unless it isn’t of course.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

“How is the job search going?” First of all, that is a violent question. And it hurts me, by the way. And second, how the hell should I know.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

I think everyone should get $500 deposited into their accounts every day, just for waking up.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

People are too casual about the fact that parrots can talk.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

I hate math, but I love counting money.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

Just read the Ten Commandments for the first time and you can’t do shit with your neighbor.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Being in college when The Chainsmokers dropped Closer was an experience to say the least.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Our neighbor complained that our cat is always running through his garden. My father said: “Okay, I’ll tell her.”

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I ain’t typing “X” into the URL bar, my wife is right behind me.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

Trending via Twitch:

Never eat more than you can lift.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I’m not old, I’m vintage.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

If barking at nothing was an Olympic sport, my dog would win gold.

Making waves on X:

Manipulative birthday text to an ex idea: thank you for loving me briefly in the way that only you could.

Going bananas on Reddit:

The Secret Service was chasing me but I painted a tunnel on the side of a wall and they all ran into it.

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