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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

An app where you and your partner swipe left and right on restaurants until there’s a match. No talking, no negotiation. Who’s building this?

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

Accidentally turned my clocks back too far and ended up at a Wham concert.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

You can get addicted to a certain kind of swagness.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

I want a chiropractor to crack my entire body like a glow stick.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

I am cutting contact with my 3-year-old narcissist nephew.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Introverts don’t recharge with sleep, we recharge by being left completely alone for 3–5 business days.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Perhaps an evening in the meditation cage will soothe you.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Long distance relationships can work if the four of you all truly trust each other.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Honk shuah. Sleep on that thang!

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Currently into monogamous friendships. If you have other friends, please don’t talk to me, it hurts my heart.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,385

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

Has anyone ever considered that Dr. Pepper could be a gynecologist?

Live now on Instagram:

I am at my Thanksgiving table observing personality disorders that have not been identified yet.

Spotted on Reddit:

Spiders are the only web developers who love finding bugs.

Shared recently on Threads:

Grateful to be living in the “Tetris when it’s going too fast and blocks are helplessly piling up” era of human history.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Recovering people pleasers will be like, “I’m in my villain era!” and it’s just politely drawing healthy boundaries.

Going viral on Facebook:

Do you ever feel like you’re a white shirt and life is a red wine?

Seen just now on Messenger:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode them bikes when we were younger.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

As a beautiful woman, sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is “ew.”

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.

Breaking via Pinterest:

“I’m not dramatic. I just react with the intensity of a Shakespearean widow at all times.”

It’s completely absurd that Silicon Valley is pushing AI on us before they figured out how to keep fries fresh for longer.

6 days ago

Humorous quote highlighting tech priorities over simple pleasures like fresh fries.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Oh, the irony of prioritizing artificial intelligence over the simple yet crucial task of preserving our beloved fries 🍟! Perhaps we should start a campaign: #SaveTheFries 🤖🍟 Let's hope Silicon Valley gets their priorities straight before we have a world run by genius robots and stale snacks! 😉"

absurd, absurdity, AI, before, fast, fast food, food, fresh, fry, humor, innovation, keep, longer, pushing, silicon, Silicon Valley, technology, us, valley

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on Threads this month:

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.

13 shares on Reddit this month:

Sorry, I’m late. I was pumping up the jam.

28 shares on Instagram this month:

Don’t forget to whine and complain about Monday today.

29 shares on Twitch this month:

There’s just one legitimate synonym for Friday: boom shakalaka.

31 shares on Reddit this month:

Trying to carry a pet to bed is like moving a dense liquid that’s annoyed by you.

94 shares on Telegram this month:

I wonder what other animals we tried to ride before discovering that horses were cool with it.

44 shares on Instagram this month:

Who needs a period calendar when I know I’ll have it when I’m crying over nonsense things.

38 shares on X this month:

“Dairy Queen” is actually the perfect drag name.

47 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My wife had a dream that I have a secret second wife named Linda. Now, when she’s mad at me, I just say, “Linda wouldn’t get mad about that.”

50 shares on Slack this month:

Sometimes it feels better not to talk. At all. About anything. To anyone.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The Secret Service was chasing me but I painted a tunnel on the side of a wall and they all ran into it.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

You can reach me by butterfly.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so sick of TV shows and movies where there are no likable characters. I don’t need to spend an hour with people I hate, I already have my life.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

FOMO is a summer thing. Winter is all about FOGO (fear of going out).

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $1 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst anniversary gifts ever.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re so productive for your wage.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

If I go missing and you put my weight on that poster, I swear I’m not coming back.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Being single only sucks when you’re a little drunk and really want to flirt.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The masculine urge to make a woman sit through a YouTube video that she will not find funny or entertaining.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

If you step on the back of my shoe and it comes off, I will do the same thing to your head.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,394

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

I’ve never completed a marathon, but I’ve listened to my mom tell a story, so don’t talk to me about endurance.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

My playlist is so random, I be heartbroken, thugged out, and yeehaw all at the same time.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

I often got called “an old soul” and such like by adults when I was a child. I think this was a kind way of saying I was a sad little freak.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

I wish I could just drop my body off at the gym and pick it up later.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

I think I’ll just sit here and waste oxygen all day.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Flat earth is too mainstream, hollow earth is where it’s at.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

Since it’s impossible to know which period of my life is the middle, I’ve decided to have an ongoing crisis.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

I don’t think you all understand. If Taylor Swift didn’t have a private jet, she’d be Taylor Slow.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

In your twenties, there may be love. It’s very important to ignore this love and pursue a master’s instead.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

I’m not getting fatter. I’m increasing my content.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

Sitting in a room with my husband and kids… Suddenly I realize everyone here has been in my vagina. Wow.

Going bananas on Reddit:

She is so narcissistic that her narcissism has narcissism.

Seen just now on Threads:

I love mirrors because they remind me of how pretty I am.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Nothing is riskier than closing your eyes again in the morning for that extra minute of sleep.

Going viral on Facebook:

My sneeze is the reason people in the middle ages believed sneezing was caused by demon possession.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I got bills. They’re multiplying.

Going viral on Facebook:

Every Reddit relationship post is like “My husband dropped a big piano on my head and when I emerged from the rubble my teeth had been replaced by the keys. Am I in the wrong?”

Spotted on Snapchat:

That awkward moment when someone is doing the dishes, and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

Just shared via Messenger:

“I’m not short. I’m just more down to earth than most people.”

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

I can do a lot of things, but listening to someone chew is not one of them.

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