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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

I know you miss me. The tarot lady on TikTok just told me.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Have a good weekend, unless you have other plans.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Not to brag, but I’m on hold and my call is important to them.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

I keep all my valuables near the front door so if burglars breaks in during the night they will not wake me up.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

No amount of daylight can save us.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Clueless but committed – that’s my vibe.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

My wife has the worst taste in men.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Life stopped being real after 2019 anyways.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

Life is full of questions. Idiots are full of answers.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

I hope I don’t die of something stupid like old age, I want a piano to fall on my head.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

300 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,569

Funny Quotes Topics

17,627

Funny Quotes Images

15,569

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,495

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WeChat:

Welcome to your 40s. Your ability to be sneaky will now be hindered by your bones cracking when you walk.

Seen just now on X:

Shy with a mean resting face is a crazy combo.

Live now on Reddit:

I just lost all my tabs. Only now do I understand the tragedy that was the burning of the Library of Alexandria.

Trending via Twitch:

My life coach told me I didn’t make the team.

Trending via Instagram:

Why there is always a kid crying when I go to the store? Dude, you aren’t the one paying for it. Stop!

Going viral on Instagram:

I’ve never seen a McDonald’s or a Burger King under construction. They just show up.

Freshly posted on X:

Donnie Darko was also ahead of its time because the guy’s haunted by a giant Labubu.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

My southern family thinks my daily routine in NYC is that I wake up, try really hard not to get stabbed by a knife, and then I go see a musical.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I put the hot in psychotic.

Just landed via WeChat:

I calculated my December budget and realized everyone is getting a hug for Christmas.

It’s so funny when someone writes a song to try to get someone to have sex with them. That’s what a bird would do!

It’s so funny when someone writes a song to try to get someone to have sex with them. That’s what a bird would do!
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Apparently, birds have been mastering the art of seduction long before humans – who knew their chirping was just a clever ploy all along! Now I’m imagining a bird composing a catchy tune with lyrics like, 'Wanna perch on my branch tonight? Tweet me back, baby!' Ah, the avian version of a love song – nature truly is full of surprises!"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on Facebook this month:

They probably killed the first few people whose eyes turned red in a photograph before they realized it wasn’t any demon stuff.

68 shares on Messenger this month:

There is a reason I’m single and it’s called my face.

47 shares on Slack this month:

I’ve decided that my 20s are actually from 25 – 35.

29 shares on Reddit this month:

Just flipped my mattress, should have woken up my wife first.

21 shares on X this month:

My thighs are bigger than my chances in life.

73 shares on Pinterest this month:

I tried to scream into the abyss today but got a busy signal.

61 shares on Messenger this month:

I tried to act normal once, worst five minutes of my life.

30 shares on Facebook this month:

Since I tolerate gluten and lactose well, I can afford a few intolerances in the interpersonal area.

72 shares on Twitch this month:

Next time you think I am flirting with you, ask yourself if kindness is so rare in your life that you mistake it for desire.

80 shares on Twitch this month:

It’s Monday again and I’m about to make it everyone’s problem.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If you think one of my posts is about you, it isn’t. Except this one.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The only way to my heart is with a knife.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

If I ever get the death penalty, I hope “by chocolate” is an option.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

What are cats even trying to do?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

And is the financial stability in the room with us right now?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The sexual tension when everyone arrives at a 4-way stop at the same time.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I do not read.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Can we take a moment to celebrate the little ride we get in the pneumatic chair at the hair salon or barber when they pump it up or down?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever came up with a 30 minute lunch break needs a 30 minute beating.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

300 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,569

Funny Quotes Topics

17,627

Funny Quotes Images

15,569

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,606

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

I like warm weather but only to a certain degree.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Porn looks so funny when you’re not horny.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

Blowing kisses to my coworkers so that nobody talks to me today.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

I was actually about to do a workout when the couch threw itself protectively under me.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Break-up so bad, he blocked me on Pokémon Go.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

I love the smell of someone burning their last bridge with me.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

I hate it when someone gives me a valid solution to my problem and I have to find something new to complain about.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

If I were to “picture everybody in the room naked,” I would be stunned and in awe of the beauty and diversity of the human form before me. But thanks for the advice.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

I asked myself if I was the problem and we said no.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

My intern was born in 2007. I have unread emails older than that.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Slack:

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

“Can you explain the gap in your resume?” I went missing in a national park.

Live now on Telegram:

The sluttiest thing a man can do is have an ethical dilemma over his lust for you.

Just landed via Discord:

She was my chai, I was her cake rusk.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

I feel like we’re on like the 50th or 60th horseman of the apocalypse by now.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Does anyone know how to lower the difficulty setting on my life?

Trending via Discord:

How old were you when you found out people in porn aren’t actually in love?

Just shared via X:

They say 30 is the new 20, and 40 the new 30. All I know is 9 p.m. is the new midnight.

Just shared via Facebook:

My dad told my sister’s new boyfriend to stand at the end of the picture so he can crop him out whenever she dumps him.

Live now on YouTube:

Living your life to the fullest does not have to involve selfies with bison.

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