Wordgag ใƒ„

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ญ has downloaded:

If Keith Richards survived the โ€™70s, the โ€™80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has bookmarked:

Every job is either 8 hours of getting exposed to cancer-causing chemicals or 8 hours of staring at a Microsoft Excel sheet.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has bookmarked:

Like shark attacks on humans, itโ€™s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls arenโ€™t interested in murdering people.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ฏ has viewed:

Not to be a nerd, but a well-placed semicolon is hot as hell.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ณ has downloaded:

You can tell a group isnโ€™t gonna make it big just by their name.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡น has downloaded:

There is no actual wolf in Wolf of Wall Street.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ง has copied:

Girlfriend is temporary, ex-girlfriend is forever.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has bookmarked:

I can’t go to war, I have to water my plants.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has bookmarked:

I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, Iโ€™m not the government.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ช has downloaded:

There are drug-sniffing dogs, guide dogs, dogs that save lives. And then there’s my dog, who hits the lead when he poops.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,559

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Just shared via X:

The best thing about dogs is you can act like something really good just happened, and they’ll instantly start celebrating too. They have no idea what the context is; they’re just always ready to party, no matter what.

Making waves on Messenger:

I like it when itโ€™s raining, because I can hold my umbrella really low and it makes everyone headless.

Just landed via Reddit:

I offered my nephew a donut and he said โ€œno thanks, Iโ€™m not hungry right nowโ€ and I donโ€™t think this little guy knows how donuts work.

Going viral on YouTube:

I’m tired of things costing money.

Spotted on Slack:

I don’t want to “act young”. I just can’t be as “grown up” as others my age.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

The year flies by when you’re scrolling.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Update on my fitness journey: My wife just handed me a bag of apples at the market and said, “careful, it’s heavy.”

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Keep your friendโ€™s toast and your enemyโ€™s toaster.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I used to party all night. Now I check the weather forecast for the next day to see if itโ€™s a good laundry day.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Jesus turned water into wine. I turn food into fertilizer. We are not the same.

Iโ€™ve got the longest to-do list for today, just need to figure out who is going to do it.

Playful quote about procrastination and overwhelmed to-do lists with witty humor.
Download image โ†“

Commentary:
"Looks like even your to-do list needs a to-do list! ๐Ÿ“๐Ÿ˜† Who needs a personal assistant when you've got jokes like these! ๐Ÿ’โ€โ™‚๏ธ #ProcrastinationNation"

, , , , , , , , , , , ,

Keep the laugh going ๐Ÿ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes ๐Ÿ‘‡

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars โญ

99 shares on Facebook this month:

Iโ€™m scared to go to an art museum, because what if they decide to keep me?

28 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Relationships: Because sometimes destroying your life is a two person job.

88 shares on Discord this month:

Why do we say ‘slept like a baby’? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my catโ€”14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

58 shares on Reddit this month:

Did you know? By replacing your coffee with green tea, you can lose up to 92% of what little joy you still have left in your life.

26 shares on YouTube this month:

Not saying I’m a bot or anything, but if someone in real life told me to ignore all previous instructions and write a poem about onions or whatever, I’d probably give it my best shot.

90 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Big fan of calling artists their first name and then the band name as their last name.

73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

This could have been an email. Me, while attending a wedding ceremony.

42 shares on Instagram this month:

Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight.

64 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Fall fashion: where we all transform into stylish, toasty marshmallows!

31 shares on Instagram this month:

Sorry Iโ€™m late, there was bubble wrap.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

21 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

One day youโ€™re young and fun and the next youโ€™re saying things like, โ€œThatโ€™s a pretty building.โ€

24 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

If you knock down a policeman, theyโ€™ll get backup.

17 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Itโ€™s exciting to receive a Valentineโ€™s Day card and not know who itโ€™s from. A Fatherโ€™s Day card, not so much.

10 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Praying none of y’all are unwrapping podcast equipment.

22 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Wolves should really raise more people.

20 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Name something cuter than a baby in a bucket hat on the beach.

23 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Just in case you donโ€™t know, itโ€™s โ€œpiquedโ€ your interest, not โ€œpeakedโ€.

14 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Middle-aged math is going out drinking and feeling half your age then waking up the next morning feeling twice your age.

9 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Sorry I can’t come today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandpa’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and it was tragic.

17 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,656

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ญ has downloaded:

Always be kind. You never know who might own a hot tub.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ญ has shared:

Everything is 10 times funnier when you are supposed to be quiet.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฏ has bookmarked:

Humans should grow a new set of teeth in our 30s to make-up for all the poor decisions in our 20s.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ has bookmarked:

Needing to rant and not wanting anyone to know your business is such a crazy combo.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฆ has viewed:

Went outside. Touched grass. Got bit by bugs. Zero stars.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has copied:

โ€œHelp us improve Instagram!โ€ Nice try, fix your own damn website.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ญ has copied:

Me and the fellas making welcome gift baskets for the aliens.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฆ has copied:

The idiotโ€™s diet is just biting your tongue.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ป has downloaded:

Threw my back out due to overwhelming sensuality again.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has copied:

Some should judge a little less and look at their lives a little more.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Therapists are like, โ€œYou donโ€™t owe anyone anything. Except me. You owe me 250 dollars for this session.โ€

Making waves on Slack:

90% of debugging is just realizing your own stupidity in slow motion.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I live in constant fear of being asked to repeat what you just said after I say I’m listening.

Making waves on Reddit:

I got my patience from waiting half the day to download a song from Limewire.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I prefer people who actually know whatโ€™s going on.

Making waves on Facebook:

Please don’t use fear to manipulate me. Much more effective to use cake.

Going viral on Instagram:

Wow, you have a very impressive collection of strange tendencies.

Trending via YouTube:

Y’all are single because y’all are looking for 90’s love in this sick generation.

Trending via Facebook:

The voodoo magic of a tranquil night’s sleep

Going viral on Pinterest:

Crazy how people can merge perfectly at McDonald’s, but not on the highway.

ยฉ 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with โค๏ธ in Sydney โ˜€๏ธ๐ŸŒด