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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

It must be hard having an erectile dysfunction.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only attempted murder.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

I shaved my legs today and it was the fastest 3lbs I’ve ever lost in my life.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m tired of things costing money.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

Imagine surviving Covid 19 and then China releases Covid 19S Plus Pro.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Why is 4-8 p.m. on a Sunday the most depressing time ever?

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

I have a complicated relationship with push/pull doors.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Stretching my back isn’t enough; I need to take out my spine and wring it out like a towel.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

Just cleaned out my junk drawer if anyone needs a CD to reinstall Windows 95.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

The best way to reach me is with intelligence and humor.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,514

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

Big city friend is complaining about a 10 minute wait for a subway while I sit here waiting for the rail replacement horse.

Just shared via Twitch:

Wonder if I should do something with my life, or kind of just continue to hang out.

Live now on Reddit:

Billionaires are so weird. What are you saving up for? Hell?

Shared recently on TikTok:

I unload the dishwasher backwards… just to feel something.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Dating outside of your education bracket leads to misunderstandings and arguments.

Breaking via Instagram:

I wonder how long you could drive in a roundabout before a cop would be like, hey, you can’t do that anymore.

Just landed via Instagram:

Restaurant toilets are dangerous! So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished.

Trending via Twitch:

I think the worst part about the collapse of civilization will be all those people with no way to remove their braces.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I’m still waiting for the day my parents will say, “It’s all fake, we are millionaires, this was just to teach you to be humble”.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Death doesn’t scare me, but a group of dogs fighting while I’m walking alone on the street does.

Ladies, if a man says he will fix something, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.

Witty quote about DIY promises and forgetfulness, humorously highlighting household dynamics.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Reminder: Trust in a man's promise to fix things is directly proportional to his memory… or so the legends say. 🤷‍♂️🔧 #FixItForgetIt"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.

90 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t know who needs to hear this right now, but it’s time to fold the laundry that’s been lying around since last Sunday.

30 shares on YouTube this month:

Mambo No. 5, but it’s in a minor key, and I’m naming women who didn’t text me back.

37 shares on Twitch this month:

Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.

50 shares on Instagram this month:

I didn’t buy that thing I wanted but didn’t need, so I celebrated by buying a different thing I wanted but didn’t need.

90 shares on X this month:

Hey, sorry I acted weird the other day. I was trying so hard to act normal that it backfired.

80 shares on Instagram this month:

Forgetting to put jewelry and perfume on is literally the worst feeling.

99 shares on Messenger this month:

Narcissus fell in love with his own image, but was immediately annoyed at how it always tried to talk while he was talking.

62 shares on Slack this month:

I had zero respect for my boss until he started appearing exclusively by hologram.

95 shares on Messenger this month:

The secret ingredient to being really funny is childhood trauma.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Some days you’re the bat, some days you’re the ball.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Technically I’m still young, but according to my back pain I’m actually 69.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Checked myself, but unfortunately, after I wrecked myself.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

My spirit animal is that one bird that knocks itself unconscious, flying into windows.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I was living in the moment until I was evicted.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Once you realize that no one really cares how you’re doing, it becomes much easier to answer the question.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list that I was making, and now, I can’t read anything.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m at that age where I can no longer refer to other people as “elderly.”

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting paid to sleep would be such a dream job.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

“Stalking”. God forbid I have access to public information and know how to utilize my resources.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,498

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

The best time to start a family fight is now. It gets you out of buying relatives gifts.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

We are the last generation of programmers who know the deadly feeling of seeing the exact problem in our code, on Stack Overflow, with 0 answers.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Babe, wanna come over and watch me apply for jobs on Indeed until I start to cry.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

I can’t go to war, I have to water my plants.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

The easiest way to shop with kids is not to.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

We have decided to sell the house. How long do you think it will take for our landlord to find out?

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Every man learns for himself the uselessness of owning an iPad.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

Sometimes our greatest achievement in life is being able to survive our own thoughts.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Getting an extra 20 minutes in the day when someone cancels a meeting is like finding a penny on the ground. Not gonna use it for anything, but wow, am I excited.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Playing Mortal Kombat at an arcade in the 90’s would fix me.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

I wish British people had subtitles so I knew what they are on about.

Just shared via Discord:

Someone at work just farted and I panicked and said ‘compliments to the chef’.

Spotted on Reddit:

Seems like the mosquitoes swiped right on me.

Going viral on Discord:

I always like to remember the time before the internet. It was so good not to know how cruel and stupid humanity really is.

Live now on TikTok:

Do y’all ever think about how, in Korean, you can’t scream over text because there’s no uppercase… I think about that all the time, for some reason.

Going viral on YouTube:

At first, big breasts were attractive, then suddenly it was big butts. I’m waiting for it to finally be big bellies.

Breaking via YouTube:

Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?

Going viral on Facebook:

Do you mind if I become the object of your desire? No worries if not.

Making waves on Messenger:

There has been a British voice in my head saying, “Bit sad innit,” for the past few weeks.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

The worst thing you can do when cleaning your house is “sit down for a minute.”

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