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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

My favorite part of my workday is when I grab my shit and leave.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

When I take a walk, I bring dog treats and people treats. I almost never mix them up.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Adulting: unlocking life’s mysteries, one therapy session at a time.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

For my future, I wish for another planet and a ticket to get there.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Having to choose between an old guy or a convicted felon is a perfect depiction of what dating apps are Iike.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Worst thing about cutting off all your hair is you go to work and everyone treats you like Today’s Special Boy.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

Never say never. Unless someone asks you when you want to go camping. Then the right answer is always “Never.”

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Maybe we should put monkeys in charge for a while just to see how it goes.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

One of the toughest jobs in parenting is serving the inevitable eviction notice on your kid’s pillow fort.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

My boss just left which means I have finished all of my work for the day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,517

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

My wife had a dream that I have a secret second wife named Linda. Now, when she’s mad at me, I just say, “Linda wouldn’t get mad about that.”

Seen just now on YouTube:

I told a joke to my boss, and he must have found it really funny because now I get to tell it to HR.

Making waves on Instagram:

Polish girls are just winter Latinas.

Just shared via Instagram:

Oh, that gap on my resume is from when I was the architect of my own hell.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday!

Just shared via Facebook:

Your first non-broke girlfriend will change your whole perspective about relationships.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Girls take a picture of their legs in a bubble bath and say “guess where I am”. The library?

Going viral on Telegram:

You may find my attraction to Goofy weird, but I don’t give a hyuck.

Making waves on Slack:

I deserve a percentage of your pay if you ever stole any swag from me.

Laying in a hammock is essentially saying, “I hope there are no emergencies.”

2 months ago

0

Laying in a hammock is essentially saying, “I hope there are no emergencies.”

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Relaxing in a hammock is like daring the universe to throw a curveball your way! 🌴😅 Just hanging out, hoping for a smooth sailing day with zero unexpected emergencies. Because who has time for problems when you're busy perfecting the art of hammock napping? 😄🌞 #CarefreeLiving"

carefree, emergency, hammock, hope, humor, i, laying, leisure, relaxation, saying

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

IKEA products should be cheaper, I’m doing all the work here. It’s like ordering takeout food and still having to cook it when it arrives.

0

2 months ago

arrival, cheaper, comparison, cook, doing, food, having, here, humor, IKEA, products, should, still, takeout, work
My kids act like they’re afraid of monsters, when they are literally the most terrifying creatures I’ve ever met.

0

2 months ago

act, afraid, childhood, creatures, ever, family, humor, kids, monsters, parenting, terrifying
I honestly have no idea what a vitamin is. It’s in a banana but it’s also the sun? Sure.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, banana, confusion, humor, i, idea, nutrition, sun, sure, vitamin
You stop moving your mouse for 5 seconds, and Microsoft Teams will say you never showed up for work.

0

2 months ago

5, digital, digital etiquette, etiquette, home, humor, meeting, microsoft, Microsoft Teams, mouse, moving, never, office, online, online meeting, productivity, remote, remote work, say, screen, screen time, seconds, stop, Teams, time, virtual, virtual office, work, work from home, work humor
Halloween candy isn’t bad for you if you keep it in a salad bowl.

0

2 months ago

bad, bowl, candy, diet, Halloween, health, humor, salad, sweet, treat, trick, trick or treat
Nothing more humiliating than sending a text message with a picture and the picture doesn’t send for ages and now you’ve said something sooo odd out of context.

0

2 months ago

ages, awkward, awkward moment, communication, context, fail, humiliation, media, message, miscommunication, moment, nothing, odd, picture, send, social, social media, something, technology, technology fail, text, text message

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on Slack this month:

Being informed is the worst thing I’ve ever done for my mental health.

13 shares on YouTube this month:

Married life: Telling your partner the same sentence 7 days in a row, only for him to say, “You definitely never told me that!”

90 shares on Snapchat this month:

You guys know your secrets are safe with me. It’s the people I share them with you can’t trust.

69 shares on Messenger this month:

No offense, fellas, we love compliments, but a compliment from another woman means just a little bit more.

72 shares on Facebook this month:

“You’re always sleeping,” God forbid a woman wants to be unconscious.

18 shares on Snapchat this month:

Happy to report that “what time is it/time for you to get a watch” is still being used by the youths.

23 shares on X this month:

If humanity is so smart, how come it took thousands of years after the wheel was invented for someone to put them on a suitcase?

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I was disappointed to learn today that my request for a sabbatical was rejected. Apparently that’s “not how marriage works.”

12 shares on Instagram this month:

Betrayal is when you’re holding a baby, and they put their arms out for someone else.

39 shares on Reddit this month:

My wife and I always eat dinner as fast as possible so we can have a popsicle.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

People who talk about fruit having too much sugar scare me so bad. Please get back, you wicked witch!

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Learn from the mistakes of others, you can never live long enough to make them all yourself.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Unfortunately, I’m gonna have to cancel my appointment at a sperm bank. I will just call them and say I can’t come.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I wonder what other animals we tried to ride before discovering that horses were cool with it.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Bruce Lee had a faster older brother named Sudden Lee.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

You don’t know your own leg strength until you’re kicking the end of a hotel tucked bed sheet.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve got a soft heart and a savage mouth. I’m like a Hallmark card written by Gordon Ramsay.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

My Wi-Fi is stronger than my will to socialize.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Cinderella was a mess. I mean, I have bad taste in men, but at least I never settled for a guy who couldn’t remember what my face looked like.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m sorry I pretended I was dead when I saw you in public.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,548

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

We really do need a separate grocery store for people who’ve been on Earth before.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Wish my metabolism worked as fast as my anxiety.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

The problem with relationships these days is you don’t know if you’re the one being cheated on, or cheated with.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

I hate when I accidentally blow all of my leaves into my neighbor’s yard.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

I noticed you haven’t posted in a few weeks, and just wanted to thank you.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Can we change the phrase “Can I be frank with you” to “Can I be william with you”? I don’t want to be Frank.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Need someone to feed me Doritos while I read, so I don’t mess up the pages. No weirdos.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Once you understand why pizza is made round, packed in square boxes, and eaten as a triangle, then you will understand women.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

If a portal opened up in front of me, I’d go in—no questions asked.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the best thirst trap poster of them all?

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

I was a nothingburger to him, but he was an everything bagel to me…

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Imagine being in the Trojan horse with the lads, pure darkness and giggling like hehehe

Shared recently on WeChat:

I don’t always push on pull doors but when I do, I do it two or three times to confirm how dumb I really am.

Just landed via YouTube:

Not all angels are in heaven, me for example, I’m at work.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here pumping gas until the dollar amount ends with 0.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Facebook should just go back to being Hot or Not dot com.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

My laptop is overheating because I am doing a really good job.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Trying is the first step toward failure.

Trending via Instagram:

Girl who is still crazy: I was crazy back then.

Going viral on TikTok:

Not to brag but I always pick the slowest moving checkout line at the grocery store.

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