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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if I had a good haircut.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Sure sex is cool, but have you ever farted away a stomachache?

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

At therapy, saying “Don’t worry about it” to every question.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

We should all go into advertising and fix what’s going on with commercials. They need our help.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

I’m letting go of all earthly attachment — exactly like Buddha, except for the things I like and want.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

I took the road less traveled. Where am I?

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and live for 150 years. Lesson learned.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Political ads be like: send us money so we can send you more ads.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Why did they call it an Amazon wishlist and not an ‘Oughttobuyography’.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

To the people who have only fans, what’s stopping you from upgrading to an air conditioner?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,428

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

I will never stop being a quitter!

Spotted on Twitch:

Nobody can ragebait as successfully as your own mother can.

Making waves on Snapchat:

A weekend spent doing nothing is a weekend well spent.

Making waves on Twitch:

My friend says to me, “What rhymes with orange?” And I told him, “No, it doesn’t.”

Spotted on WeChat:

I’ve started ripping my shirt in half like Hulk Hogan when I mean business. Long story short, I’m looking for a new job.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I’ve never met a cake I didn’t want to fork.

Shared recently on Threads:

Always remember, if you ever need me, I’m just several phone calls and unread texts away.

Going bananas on Slack:

If you apply enough sunscreen, the rain simply rolls off.

Just shared via Telegram:

I can’t believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician. I was just sitting there doing nothing.

Seen just now on Discord:

(Seeing the guy next to me reading a novel) You know, none of that happened, right?

“Left alone” would have been the right answer as a child to the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

Witty text about childhood innocence and longing for solitude, humorously highlighting grown-up regrets.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
If only childhood dreams came with a disclaimer of needing introvert-friendly career options! 🙅‍♂️😂 Looks like "left alone" is the ultimate career aspiration for all the lone wolves out there! 🐺 #DreamJobGoals

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

39 shares on Slack this month:

Caveman bartender: “This one’s on the cave.”

40 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’ll let you guys know if the psych ward has wifi.

16 shares on Messenger this month:

Perfume is designed to be an invisible accessory. It’s not designed to instantly kill the canary when you entered the room.

57 shares on Instagram this month:

I waste a lot of time putting my phone down to just pick it back up again.

49 shares on WeChat this month:

If consuming too much caffeine causes short-term memory loss, just imagine what consuming too much caffeine can do.

58 shares on Telegram this month:

Doing my bit for the evolution of the human race by eating lots of carbs and never exercising. We will adapt!

25 shares on Snapchat this month:

Your car antlers tell me everything I need to know about you.

88 shares on Pinterest this month:

People always ask me “Do you believe in God?” and I say of course it’s important to have self-belief.

34 shares on Facebook this month:

Sorry to interrupt your scrolling, but I hope life gets better for you.

96 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I am cool with January lasting forever because rent is due February 1.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

“Your call is very important to us. Please stay on the line until your call is no longer important to you.”

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish I could throw tomatoes at comments.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Thanks to rice cakes, I still can’t imagine nothingness, but now I know what it tastes like.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Just once I’d like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear “Monday has been cancelled,” and then go back to sleep.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

This flight is so long, I don’t know where I’m going anymore. I just live here now. Even the crying baby gave up.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Having long hair as a guy is so scary because some days I look like the charming lead of a classic film from the 80s, and other days I look like a Discord mod that runs his Magic: The Gathering group like the Navy.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Please make sure you are only drinking as much water as you REALLY need. We need that for the data centers. If you’re thirsty, AI is thirsty too.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I like my coffee so strong that it wakes up the neighbors.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Had chicken and egg for dinner because I wanted to eat the whole family.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m not ordering fries, I’ll just eat some of yours!” -Former friends of mine

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,646

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

The fact that I have more clothes to sleep in than I do to go out in says a lot about who I am as a person.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

It really annoys me when people use the wrong word and don’t have the humidity to admit it.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

I wish I had a friend like me.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

I wish people would stop holding back and use social media to tell us how they really feel.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

The worst is when it’s too late to take a nap but too early to go to bed.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Looking for someone whose favorite thing to do is nothing. No hiking. No adventure. Just bed rot.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Water is a drink whose flavor is its temperature.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Thunder is fake. It doesn’t even sync up properly with lightning. There’s some guy who waits till he sees lightning and then he presses the thunder button.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

People my age are on baby #2, and I’m on drink #5.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

That gap in my resume is from when I was lost at sea.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Slack:

The 80s were wild, man. You had bands naming themselves after predatory cats with hearing problems.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Intro to salsa class was weird, I starved myself all day, there was no chips or dips and then these weirdos were all grabby and dancing around.

Going viral on X:

Do goalies ever get lonely during a game?

Just shared via Threads:

The real advantage of being self-employed is that you don’t have to go to a Christmas party.

Trending via Threads:

“I’m a very sleepy person, just at all the wrong times.”

Live now on WeChat:

Please don’t dm me with the intention of dating me. You deserve less.

Going viral on Slack:

For a guy with no reflection, Dracula’s eyeliner is always flawless.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Stop blaming others for your mistakes. Study Feng Shui and blame the furniture.

Just shared via TikTok:

We need a slur for people who use ChatGPT.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Being Leonardo DiCaprio is like driving in a school zone. You don’t go above twenty-five.

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