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Commentary:
If only childhood dreams came with a disclaimer of needing introvert-friendly career options! 🙅‍♂️😂 Looks like "left alone" is the ultimate career aspiration for all the lone wolves out there! 🐺 #DreamJobGoals

alone, answer, aspiration, child, childhood, grow, grow up, humor, i, left, question, right, wanted

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I have the sex drive of a potato.

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2 months ago

comparison, drive, humor, i, potato, relationship, self-deprecation, sex, sex drive, wit
Still waiting for aliens to abduct me, which feels pretty rude considering I’ve been dressed and ready for years.

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4 months ago

abduct, abduction, alien, aliens, dressed, extraterrestrial, feels, humor, joke, me, pretty, readiness, ready, rude, sarcasm, still, waiting
I don’t know why hair extensions are exclusive to women, I want to look like a centaur.

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2 months ago

appearance, centaur, expression, extension, gender, hair, hair extension, hairstyle, humor, i, know, want, women
My favorite pastime is staying up way later than I should and complaining the next day about how tired I am.

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5 months ago

am, complaining, day, deprivation, fatigue, favorite, humor, i, late, later, next, pastime, procrastination, should, sleep, sleep deprivation, staying, staying up late, tired
I’m a yapper. I’m a napper. I’m a midnight snacker.

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2 months ago

activity, fun, humor, late, late night, midnight, napper, night, personality, snacker, yapper
Never share a secret with a clock. Because time will tell.

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2 months ago

advice, clock, humor, never, pun, secret, share, tell, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

84 shares on Facebook this month:

Welcome to your 50s, where coffee is the new happy hour and mornings are the new hangover.

32 shares on Twitch this month:

My plan is to die young as late as possible.

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sometimes I do this fun little thing, where I take the time to write a grocery list, and then I forget it at home.

14 shares on Pinterest this month:

I might not put the sparkle in your eyes, but I’ll definitely put the “WTF” wrinkles in your forehead.

83 shares on YouTube this month:

My parents think they know me.

43 shares on Pinterest this month:

Marriage is like a phone call at the night: First there’s the ring, and then you wake up.

24 shares on TikTok this month:

Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier man.

72 shares on Threads this month:

“Have AI summarize this email for you!” No thanks, I can read what the person actually said in the way they intended.

40 shares on Pinterest this month:

Choosing to ignore my strangely symbolic dream because I have a lot going on right now already.

55 shares on Discord this month:

I was living in the moment until I was evicted.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

Sometimes I wish I could turn down the volume on certain people.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

You were there at the beginning of the Internet if you’ve heard the following: “Get off the web, I need to make a call!”

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

This meeting could have been a cake.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

I just paid my taxes. The roads should be fixed any day now.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

The pain of watching a movie with someone who talks a lot.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Women aren’t complicated. Just give us attention and leave us alone.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

Not all works of art are in a museum. I, for example, am lying on the couch at home.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

70% of marriage is yelling “What” from a different room.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Cigarette smell gotta be one of the worst smells in the history of smells.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Don’t even get into my car if you’re just gonna scream every time I hit something.

Trending via Slack:

It’s okay to run away from the cops if you’re shy.

Spotted on Telegram:

If you feel fat and sad just know it’s someone out there fatter than you.

Trending via Slack:

My husband was unable to find his coat earlier as he’d accidentally hung it up.

Breaking via Facebook:

Some people exercise every day. Right now, I’m watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor.

Just landed via Discord:

And for my next trick, I’m going to miss you in a million unspoken ways.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Traveling long distance without earphones feels like you’re serving a jail term.

Just landed via Discord:

I’m inventing a website for unemployed people called LinkedOut.

Shared recently on Threads:

Imagine being a bald vampire and every time you walk by a mirror your toupée is just floating.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“Left alone” would have been the right answer as a child to the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I have the sex drive of a potato.

Still waiting for aliens to abduct me, which feels pretty rude considering I’ve been dressed and ready for years.

I don’t know why hair extensions are exclusive to women, I want to look like a centaur.

My favorite pastime is staying up way later than I should and complaining the next day about how tired I am.

I’m a yapper. I’m a napper. I’m a midnight snacker.

Never share a secret with a clock. Because time will tell.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨