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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

Learning to be Alpha from YouTube.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Ouija boards are like unannounced phone calls for ghosts.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

I hope you catch the bouquet at my funeral.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

If someone asks why you’re so pale, simply reply, completely shocked, “You can see me?”

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Therapy isn’t enough, she needs to know people congratulated me when we broke up.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Normalize arguing with plants who refuse to stay alive.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

Interrupt my sleep and I’ll interrupt your breathing.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Sobriety: because my standards got tired of lowering themselves.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

My best three minutes of sleep are the ones right before the alarm goes off.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,710

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

I identify as a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I go down when you really want me.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

On average, my daily actions demonstrate I’m probably good at something else.

Shared recently on Discord:

Not wearing glasses anymore, I’ve seen enough.

Seen just now on Instagram:

You really have to enjoy the way a man is acting in the beginning, because you will never meet that man again.

Trending via Twitch:

My wallet is like an onion; opening it makes me cry.

Just landed via Twitch:

Making a cult with only intuitive introverts so we can all sit in silence, side-eyeing each other suspiciously.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I’m not humiliating myself here for 3 likes. 10 maybe but not 3.

Just shared via Telegram:

I fall in love with a song and play it until I absolutely don’t wanna hear it no more.

Seen just now on Messenger:

All dogs are therapy dogs. The majority are just freelancing.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Job market so bad, I started following my dreams.

Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

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Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.
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Commentary:
Ah, the timeless strategy of deception for success – seems like some people take it to heart a little too enthusiastically! 🤥💼👨‍💼 Just remember, honesty is still the best policy…unless you have political ambitions, apparently! 🏛️🤣 #TruthIsOptional

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on Pinterest this month:

Anyone know how to get an air guitar out of a vacuum?

56 shares on Slack this month:

My dentist plays country music, so it’s like a double torture.

91 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you love someone, let them sleep.

33 shares on Twitch this month:

I just think we should kiss. And kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss. But that’s just me.

11 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Not to brag, but I don’t fight with people on the internet.

99 shares on Reddit this month:

Eating watermelon and minding my own business.

59 shares on TikTok this month:

Dear resealable chocolate bag, your confidence in my self-control was truly inspiring. And you were delicious.

26 shares on Reddit this month:

The difference between the kids table and the adults table during holiday dinners is that there is much more screaming, crying, and arguing at the adults table.

70 shares on X this month:

My body is like an elastic band – no matter how I stretch it, it goes back to the nap position.

66 shares on Threads this month:

Sex is cool, but have you ever made peace with the horror of being alive.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I say “long story short” and then tell the story with bonus features.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember when you were a kid, you slept on the couch and without saying anything you found yourself in your bed. Now you sleep in your bed and if you say anything, you end up on the couch.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If we’re walking together, just know I’ll definitely bump into you because I can’t walk in a straight line.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I regret to inform you all that I just plan on getting hotter and weirder.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

You gotta wonder why they just don’t make all bread garlic bread.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Words I heard most when I ran errands with my dad: “Wait in the truck.”

22 folks are currently checking 👀

That made me feel good. I think I’ll become addicted.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I think you are suffering from a lack of vitamin ME.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Spotify should have helpful mental health suggestions like “your top listens are Taylor Swift and true crime, go to therapy.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,333

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Not working on myself because I make better content this way.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

Do you ever wake up in the morning and you’re just like… no.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

To cut a long story short, I became a film editor.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

I bought a little notebook to keep track of who’s above the law.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys and phone.”

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

People say, “Listen to your heart, do the right thing,” like they are the same things.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

It’s only 9am and I’ve already ruined my son’s entire life by giving him the banana with the brown spot on it.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

Good morning to life’s chaos, where my coffee is the only thing that makes sense!

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

I’ve finally found out what chronology is. And it’s about time.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Thank you for contacting the abyss. Your scream is very important to us.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

Sneaking up behind people and marrying them.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

The angel and devil on my shoulders are both completely fed up with me.

Live now on Twitch:

I’ve never wrestled an angry alligator, but I have taken off a wet sports bra in the middle of summer. So, same thing.

Making waves on Threads:

Instead of hairstyles and make-up, there should be YouTube tutorials on polite behavior.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Who develops the algorithm? I want to speak to the manager.

Trending via Threads:

“Would you like to check your account balance?” God no. My balance is none of my business.

Going viral on WeChat:

My mom asked me where I’m taking her to eat on Mother’s Day. I told her we have food at home.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Had some plain yogurt with protein powder in it for breakfast, and not only is it high in protein and very filling, it’s also disgusting.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Bloopers in movie credits is a lost art form.

Breaking via Slack:

Rock bottom should give me free sandwich and coffee for how often I hit it.

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