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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Even in my early 20’s, I was diagnosed with late stage 40’s.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

I actually love talking to strangers, they will unknowingly say some shit that shifts your perspective, and you never see them again.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

I’m disgusted by the amount of nudity on Netflix these days. There’s hardly any. What am I even paying for?

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

Word on the street is that the fire in your heart is out.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

If you say “awesome sauce” on a first date, you’ll still have that lucky condom in your wallet tomorrow.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

Teach a man to fish, and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach your kid about stingrays, and he will pretend to sting you all afternoon.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

When I say I love the ocean, I mean I love the surface. Whatever goes on beneath has my respect, but it’s none of my business.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Normalize having a threatening aura, but really just being a sweetheart.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

Hand sanitizer will find a cut you didn’t even know you had.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a kid that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,488

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

Adulthood is wild. One day I’m transferring money to my savings account, and three days later, I’m transferring it out to save myself.

Just landed via Threads:

Me, literally climbing out of a dumpster: Can I give you some personal advice?

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Folding laundry is like packing to stay home.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

“You are what you eat”. I don’t remember eating a huge disappointment.

Breaking via Telegram:

This year felt like being awake during surgery.

Just shared via Instagram:

I be having full arguments in my head, then walk around mad like someone actually said something to me.

Just shared via WeChat:

Why, as a hair, would you even wanna be ingrown. Like why are you doing that?

Seen just now on Threads:

I just refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good to watch.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Both my wife and my doctor said no more jumping on the bed. But they don’t get it. They don’t know what it’s like to live with the Monkey Instinct.

Live now on Discord:

My teen being nice to me is getting really expensive.

Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

Funny quote about deception and ambition, highlighting wit and satire in a playful tone.
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Commentary:
Ah, the timeless strategy of deception for success – seems like some people take it to heart a little too enthusiastically! 🤥💼👨‍💼 Just remember, honesty is still the best policy…unless you have political ambitions, apparently! 🏛️🤣 #TruthIsOptional

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on Facebook this month:

Your brain automatically translates WTF but not LOL.

55 shares on WeChat this month:

Putting your wedding scrapbook in the little free library is an unprecedented level of divorced.

71 shares on Instagram this month:

Married life: Telling your partner the same sentence 7 days in a row, only for him to say, “You definitely never told me that!”

27 shares on Instagram this month:

One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.

39 shares on WeChat this month:

I wonder what John Connor thinks now that everyone is embracing AI.

87 shares on Discord this month:

Guy smoking weed daily: “I think smoking weed in moderation is fine.”

77 shares on Facebook this month:

Nobody is busier than a woman who isn’t into you.

46 shares on YouTube this month:

The 10 minutes I spend on my mobile before I go to sleep are the best 3 hours of my day.

99 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I wish I could put an AirTag on my sanity.

100 shares on Slack this month:

I’ve broken all my New Year’s Resolutions so now I’m moving on to laws of nature.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone who got my kids board games for Christmas, when are you coming back to play with them?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Waiting until 4:59 p.m. on Fridays to send an email, because any response is Monday’s problem.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing has improved the quality of my life more than living beyond my means.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Hit the vape till it tastes like technology.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If you saw me licking the plate after the charcuterie was finished, no you didn’t.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

If I were to “picture everybody in the room naked,” I would be stunned and in awe of the beauty and diversity of the human form before me. But thanks for the advice.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Adulting is getting excited to go home and get into bed.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Throwing a spear at your enemy is a bad gamble. If you miss, you have no spear now and he’s just fine. He’s better than fine; now he has a spear.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I like it when you’re reading a comic and you can tell the writer is pissed about what the last writer did to the character.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate to brag, but I’ve been the biggest mistake of numerous people’s lives.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,659

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

If ever go missing, please only put pictures of me on the news where I look skinny and hot even if that means they won’t find me.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

The bowling ball actually hangs out with the pins after work. There isn’t beef there.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

I’m sorry for setting the impossible standards that the rest of you try to live up to.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

I need something good to watch while I’m on my phone.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

A collective orgasm would fix the world.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Guess I’ll be getting the same thing for Christmas, again. Fat!

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

There’s no-one who can get more drunk on power than the admin of a village Facebook group.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

The sun really clocks out for the day before I do. That’s insane.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

Combining breakfast and lunch: Brunch. Combining wine and dinner: Winner.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

My hobbies include saying, “I’m so tired,” and then staying up for three more hours doing nothing.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I can’t wait til I have hearing aids, so I can just turn them off when I’m tired of hearing everyone.

Seen just now on X:

If I delete a tweet, I should disappear with it.

Trending via Discord:

I saw a bird get a worm today. It was about 11 am. So, don’t give up on your dreams, buddy!

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I’m officially at the age where going out on the weekend just means I’m running errands.

Going viral on Messenger:

Forget tequila, I’m at the age where you can wake up with a hangover from Netflix.

Making waves on Messenger:

It’s like 10,000 lies when all you need is the files.

Trending via YouTube:

Due to personal reasons, I’m evil now.

Seen just now on Messenger:

The modern condition is mostly trying to do things on your own that people have historically achieved with a large support network, and wondering why you’re tired all the time.

Just landed via TikTok:

Today in who needs an alarm: my kid woke me up early by scream-whispering WHAT IS DUST?

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