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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡¬ has viewed:

Apparently there is a bird fight club who holds their meetings outside my window at about 5am.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡· has downloaded:

They hooked up tubes and sensors, but the doctor still can’t figure out why my kisses are so sweet. They want to hold me overnight and “never let go.”

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

I find it sad that my universal remote does not control the universe. Not even remotely.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ά has copied:

Harmonicas are basically for people who like to hear music while they spit.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡· has viewed:

The lion doesn’t concern himself with credit card debt.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡° has bookmarked:

Friday the 13th used to mean something. Now every day is awful.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡΄ has shared:

Having a job is insane because they give you actual money in exchange for pressing the buttons.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ή has bookmarked:

Why is smoking the only addiction jobs give you breaks to do? I should get 15 minutes every hour to cook up some parlays.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡Ώ has copied:

Brave of you to assume you can resist my good looks.

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡Ό has viewed:

How come it’s called β€œthrift store shopping” instead of Goodwill hunting?

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,588

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I could easily win an Oscar, I just have other things going on right now.

Making waves on Reddit:

Tired of looking at a bad screen. Can’t wait to get home and look at a good screen.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Slowly descending into madness. Anyone want anything?

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Okay, fall, I see you showing a lil’ leg.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Sorry, I’m late. I was pumping up the jam.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Shade coming from a tree bearing no fruit could never phase me. Carry on.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I’m willing to do anything for a job except write a cover letter.

Trending via Slack:

We all just kind of accept it as normal that we have a meat tentacle living inside of our mouth.

Trending via Twitch:

I’m like a candle: I’m cute, I smell nice, and there’s a pretty good chance I’ll set your curtains on fire if left unattended.

Breaking via Messenger:

With a lollipop in one hand and a dandelion in the other, concentration is very important, as every summer child knows.

Maybe we should put monkeys in charge for a while just to see how it goes.

Humorous quote suggesting monkeys could run things to see what happens.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs politicians when you can have monkeys swinging from branch to branch in parliament? πŸ’πŸ’Ό Let's 'ape-solutely' give them a chance – it might be bananas enough to work! πŸŒπŸ™ˆ #MonkeysForPresident"

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Keep the laugh going πŸ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on Twitch this month:

Y’all ever withheld good news so that it remains untouched by negativity?

79 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Teens be like, β€œI wanted to do that until you asked me to.”

89 shares on Telegram this month:

Has anyone seen my invisibility cloak?

61 shares on Twitch this month:

The websites that let me check out as a guest are the real heroes.

89 shares on Slack this month:

Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.

62 shares on X this month:

Is he trying to pronounce β€œcharcuterie” or is he having a stroke?

11 shares on Telegram this month:

Life can be so beautiful, you just can’t get sober.

22 shares on Threads this month:

Telling everyone I’m an undecided voter because I need the attention.

33 shares on Twitch this month:

We can do things one of two ways. My way or my other way.

27 shares on Snapchat this month:

Nike: Just Do It! Me: I don’t want to.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I think the worst part about the collapse of civilization will be all those people with no way to remove their braces.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

And then there are those dates after which you think: “Have I really shaved my legs for this?”

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

β€œDo something with your life.” Um, I am. Have you heard of a little thing called squandering?

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

β€œOut of sight, out of mind” doesn’t work for donuts.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If you think I’m funny, you should hear the voices in my head.

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Europeans read a lot because their television shows suck.

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Introducing two cats is tedium. Not interested in your dumb politics just lick each other and be normal already.

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Putting a blanket over my boss so he thinks it’s night time and goes to sleep.

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Books are so cool because there are no bloody ads in them.

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

We’d never met, or even spoken, but I could tell just from gazing into her pale blue eyes I had stepped on her toe.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,718

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ί has viewed:

One of the worst ways to waste your youth is by being insecure.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ή has copied:

One thing no one mentions about being an adult is how much time you debate with yourself over keeping a cardboard box because it’s a really good box.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡­ has shared:

What archaeologists are really looking for is a hand digging back.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡Ώ has downloaded:

I saved a ton of money on a security system by stealing my neighbor’s.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡Ό has downloaded:

You don’t have to remember details when you don’t lie.

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡΄ has bookmarked:

Zen and the Art of Empty Pockets.

Someone from πŸ‡ΏπŸ‡Ό has downloaded:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡§ has viewed:

I don’t need your flipping advice, I am capable of ruining my life on my own.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡¬ has viewed:

If my house is clean, just know I yelled at everyone for two hours first.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ί has downloaded:

How long past date can I eat eggs? Like are they still good or am I naming them now?

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Ask a man what a good woman is, and watch him describe a slave.

Going viral on Messenger:

A moth is just a butterfly with glasses and its hair up.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Anxiety should have a loyalty rewards program.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Every word wishes it could sound as fun as falafel.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

There’s no need to put a little umbrella in my drink. It’s already wet.

Spotted on Messenger:

You can do laundry every day and still be behind on laundry.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Been getting really into nothing.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

She didn’t leave you on read, bro. You left her on speechless.

Trending via Instagram:

Can’t, I’m pulling it together.

Breaking via Discord:

Becoming a man doesn’t happen the first time you fight or make love. It happens the first time you see the gas bill and remind everyone that we aren’t trying to heat the outside.

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