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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

My favorite unit of measurement is smithereens.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Asking the birds outside my window if they know any Metallica.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

When God closes a door, he opens a window. Unfortunately, we are in a submarine.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

If you want people to have kind words when you pass, you should say kind words when you’re alive.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

Photos are cool because they are like now but for later.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

I hate checking my bank account after having a good time.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

A man rejecting my advances can’t hurt me. I have a dog who leaves the bed every time I climb in.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

The fact that I have a lot of wine in the house proves that I don’t drink much. Otherwise the wine would be gone.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

When God created the giraffe, he probably slipped with the mouse on the screen. This is how its neck was created.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

If trees offered Wi-Fi, we would plant more of them. Too bad they only produce this oxygen thing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,461

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

I enjoy driving because it combines my desire to sit with my talent for being angry.

Making waves on Messenger:

Middle children as adults still trying to get attention because the oldest is being dramatic and the younger child is getting away with everything.

Live now on Threads:

Rom-com idea: Gozilla +1. Godzilla gets invited to a wedding but struggles to convince anyone to go with him.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

It’s never too early to start making bad decisions.

Spotted on Instagram:

Tourists love to think that they are not like other tourists.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I hate people that talk to their Apple watch. Fake Power Rangers.

Going viral on Discord:

Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute.

Making waves on Pinterest:

The Epstein client list but to the tune of Mambo number 5.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Shrimp: “When I grow up, I want to be food waste at a gala.”

Going viral on Messenger:

I need an emergency cheeseburger.

Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

Witty text about secretly eating ice cream, playful and humorous tone.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Blame it on the dad and run 🏃‍♂️🍦! Classic move, parents 😆 #IceCreamGate"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on Slack this month:

Made a lot of mistakes in my life, but adding more cheese than a recipe calls for isn’t one of them.

32 shares on YouTube this month:

Wine drunk doesn’t even make itself known. You’re just relaxed, and then, all of a sudden, you feel sexier.

86 shares on Reddit this month:

I thought I had more straws. Sorry, turns out that was the last one.

91 shares on Discord this month:

I could tell by the way she was pouring gasoline on a pile of my clothes that the relationship had hit some turbulence.

28 shares on Discord this month:

Elections is like waiting for the results of a biopsy, except half your family hopes it’s cancer.

51 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Just looked around and realized it’s everyone’s first time living.

81 shares on X this month:

Is it too late to reset my life back to factory settings?

45 shares on Threads this month:

My bed has a stronger influence on me than my ambitions.

82 shares on TikTok this month:

“Oh, I’d love to but I can’t.” Translation: I don’t want to so I won’t.

34 shares on Pinterest this month:

When I gain weight, I should get to designate where on my body it goes.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

An interviewer asked me how well I can perform under pressure; I said I’m much better at Bohemian Rhapsody.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

But he was so nice on the prison phone calls.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I would like to have the peace of mind of a cow. I already have the body.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I will never sell out my integrity unless I am offered something for it.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve finally found out what chronology is. And it’s about time.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

The human body is incredible. It’s like, “Oh, you’re stressed and sad? Here, enjoy this acne.”

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Starting your day with an early morning run is a great way to make sure your day can’t get any worse than it started.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Never underestimate the healing power of a grilled cheese sandwich.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I always thought orthopaedic shoes were overrated, but I stand corrected.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Guys have good pics on their dating profiles because their ex took them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,540

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

I love the smell of freshly brewed delusions in the morning.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

You can’t ’48 Laws of Power’ me.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

I told the trees what you did. Be wary when you enter the forest next.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

I’ve never seen a McDonald’s or a Burger King under construction. They just show up.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

I don’t care for the term drug mule, why can’t it be a drug unicorn.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

The Cranberries. Great band name. You pick a fruit and you get to work.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Whatever happened calorically this weekend can never happen again.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

Sometimes I wonder if the plot ever gets tired of being twisted.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

There’s a reason you ain’t ever used your phone in a dream.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

Two mysterious people live in my house. “Somebody” and “Nobody.” Somebody did it and nobody knows who.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

Living alone is so dumb, you’ll be asking your pets if they’ve seen your phone, and those lazy bastards never know.

Making waves on TikTok:

Is it possible to die of horniness? Asking for a friend.

Just landed via Telegram:

No show does a misunderstanding / miscommunication plot better than Modern Family does.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I’m obsessed with adding a second completely unnecessary tweet to all my tweets, like, oh, you thought I was done.

Going viral on Threads:

Kind of rude you didn’t wake me up before you went went.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Proudly doing my part to cause the male loneliness epidemic.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Always stay crazy. Otherwise you’ll go crazy.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I’ve reached that age where I don’t have to drink to forget because it just happens naturally now.

Spreading quickly via X:

Took the road less travelled after buying the sat nav less expensive.

Just shared via Discord:

There will always be miserable people inviting you to their misery.

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