Me: Please let me sleep! Brain: Nope, we have to stay up together and go over every bad life decision we have made so far.

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The first person to throw out bath water: Uh oh.

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I dreamed I won the lottery, so you can imagine how thrilled I was to wake up and get ready for work.

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The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have started asking humans to prove that they are not robots.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

Hey! Sorry I missed your text, I am processing a non-stop 24/7 onslaught of information with a brain designed to eat berries in a cave.

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Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I do not read.

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Rent really don’t make no sense. Like, why is my apartment getting a raise every year? Who is doing the performance review?

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Nature just builds 30 foot trees. Without even pulling a permit.

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The only team building exercise we had when I started working was called “Happy Hour.”

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I often wonder how men could discover entire continents. Mine can’t even find the butter in the fridge.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

A real smart TV would increase the volume when you start eating chips.