Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Me, telling my kids we’re leaving in 30 minutes: We’re leaving in 5 minutes. ⏰😅 Because nothing says 'mom/dad time' quite like bending the rules of space-time for a smooth exit strategy! 🤣 #ParentingLife"

30, honesty, humor, kids, leaving, me, minutes, parenting, procrastination, time

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42 shares on Pinterest this month:

Don’t forget to whine and complain about Monday today.

74 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Grocery carts should have barcode scanners on them so you can see how much you’re spending as you put things in your cart.

29 shares on Messenger this month:

What career is most compatible with the unemployed lifestyle?

12 shares on Instagram this month:

Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally text them, and they will respond.

70 shares on Discord this month:

It’s curious how kids are always really hungry right before dinner and right after dinner, but never during actual dinner.

89 shares on Twitch this month:

A girl can casually just say something, and you already know you’re not going to date or marry her.

44 shares on X this month:

If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

34 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My dog sets an impossible bar for how I should greet my wife when she comes home.

55 shares on Instagram this month:

I was born in the right generation. I love bedrotting and scrolling through Twitter all day.

62 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m ready for the exciting last 30 seconds of the basketball game, which stretch into 25 minutes of fouls, time-outs, and commercials.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Bears and worms have almost nothing in common. But gummy bears and gummy worms? Very similar.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Staying up all night so I don’t miss any good posts.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

I’ve never completed a marathon, but I’ve listened to my mom tell a story, so don’t talk to me about endurance.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by saying they look tired.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Finding a person to make eye contact with during stupid meetings is essential to survival in the workplace.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Always remember you’re someone’s reason to smile. Because you’re a joke.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

I like how people say “manage your depression,” like it’s a stock portfolio, but you’re heavily invested in sadness.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Me gasping and flipping off the vultures as they circle above the running track.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

I am not responsible for what my face does when you talk.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

Just got diagnosed with needing a hot chocolate with extra marshmallows.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Sucks how every girl I’m interested in is either taken or has good taste in men.

Making waves on X:

Social media has dragged humans back into Plato’s cave, and chained them there.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Have you fallen in love with me yet, or do I need to post more nonsense?

Shared recently on X:

I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.

Going bananas on Instagram:

I wonder if that football guy will be at the Taylor Swift game again today.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

By the time he entered rehab, Popeye was more spinach than sailor man.

Spotted on YouTube:

If you feel depressed, go for a run. You will soon find out your physical health is far worse than your mental health.

Making waves on Discord:

It’s funny we got universal near-perfect free translation, and the world didn’t really change at all.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I bet this email finds you silently screaming on the inside.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Me, telling my kids we’re leaving in 30 minutes: We’re leaving in 5 minutes.

If i had $5 for every time I said up yours to someone, my butler would be saying it for me.

I’m glad it’s not snowing. I can’t imagine shoveling snow in this heat.

I would describe my personal style as whatever is on top of the pile of clothes on the floor.

Everyone focused on the lip filler, but it’s really the chin filler that is the real villain.

Be nice today, the world is on fire.

Unpopular opinion: Landlords should not be able to increase rent unless they’re upgrading the apartment.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Me, telling my kids we’re leaving in 30 minutes: We’re leaving in 5 minutes.

Keep the laugh going 😂

If i had $5 for every time I said up yours to someone, my butler would be saying it for me.

I’m glad it’s not snowing. I can’t imagine shoveling snow in this heat.

I would describe my personal style as whatever is on top of the pile of clothes on the floor.

Everyone focused on the lip filler, but it’s really the chin filler that is the real villain.

Be nice today, the world is on fire.

Unpopular opinion: Landlords should not be able to increase rent unless they’re upgrading the apartment.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨