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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

I would never put up a lost dog poster. I’m not letting the whole neighborhood know I fumbled.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Boxes of pasta don’t need a plastic window. I believe pasta is in the box.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Not really into dating right now, but very into flirting, and that’s where things get complicated.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Never underestimate my ability to stare out a window and not speak for hours on a car ride.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

At least life has music.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

What an awful time to be even remotely aware of what is going on in the world.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

The worst thing about wearing headphones is when you hallucinate people shouting you. Like, why does this happen?

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

A spiral is just a circle that’s afraid of closure.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

Does your life really flash before your eyes or is it just your brain closing all open tabs one last time.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Sawing a hole in a table from underneath to steal a cake is a lot harder than cartoons would have you believe.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,534

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on YouTube:

The hairdresser asking me what special plans I have for the day like this wasn’t it.

Going viral on Twitch:

I’m not exaggerating when I say, if I ever clogged a toilet at work, I would immediately quit, change my name, and then move to a different city.

Seen just now on X:

Getting sent money you didn’t ask for is very sexy.

Breaking via Slack:

Do you remember when you looked through binoculars upside down and everyone was really far away? That was nice.

Making waves on Threads:

Maybe your baby is crying because it doesn’t like you.

Just shared via Pinterest:

You’re in her DMs, she’s in my bed whining that it’s too cold. Can you come get her?

Just shared via TikTok:

Rap fell off when literacy stopped being a requirement.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

All kids are born with a sixth sense that lets them know the absolute worst time to ask for something.

Just landed via WeChat:

My problem is I always think I can get ready in 15 minutes when I have repeatedly proven that I can’t.

Going bananas on Slack:

People always talk about how they love to sit in their cars for a while once they get home. Whenever I do that, my Uber driver yells at me.

Microdosing bungee jumping by bending over to pick up a hair tie.

3 weeks ago

Playful quote about microdosing with a humorous twist on bungee jumping.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, the thrill of extreme activities in everyday life! 💇‍♀️ Who knew picking up a hair tie could be the new adrenaline rush trend? Just remember to stretch and warm up those bending-over muscles for the ultimate microdosage of excitement! 🤸‍♂️ #HairTieBungeeJumping

activity, bending, bending over, bungee, bungee jump, funny activity, hair, hair tie, humor, jump, jumping, lightheartedness, microdosing, over, risk, thrill, tie

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

25 shares on Slack this month:

If people continue to behave so badly, I will donate my organs to an animal shelter.

35 shares on Threads this month:

A car window made specifically for a dog to stick its head out of is called a sunwoof.

49 shares on Facebook this month:

The thing I’ve always found tricky about money is knowing how much I should have.

76 shares on Threads this month:

I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast, it had to be done by Elvis.

55 shares on WeChat this month:

Toilets are not a crime scene, traces may be removed!

83 shares on YouTube this month:

People are too judgmental these days… I can tell just by looking at them.

43 shares on Discord this month:

My children are very helpful. For example, when I ask them to do something, they suggest a different child that could do it instead.

64 shares on WeChat this month:

The question “how is work” really pisses me off. Work is work, bro, I don’t know what else you want me to say.

80 shares on TikTok this month:

You’re way hotter in your forties and fifties than in your twenties. The glow up is in the grow up.

76 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Are you ever so happy to be in bed, you wish you could be even more in bed than you already are?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The question I ask myself most often is, “What would a jury think about this?”

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My neighbor won’t stop talking about his Rolex and I can’t believe someone stole it tomorrow.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish my doctor would put down a little treat to distract me like my vet does for my dog.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Unpopular opinion: a honeymoon is more needed 5 to 10 years down the road, versus right after getting married.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone hates on the dentist but at least they don’t try to weigh you.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Might start signing off emails with ‘well, I hope you’re happy’

12 folks are currently checking 👀

No, I didn’t eat enough protein today, but I did think of you with enough intensity to generate new muscle tissue in my heart.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If you are lonely, dim all the lights and put on a horror movie. You won’t feel like you are lonely any more.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish my midlife crisis made me want to get a gym membership and a revenge body, but instead I’m eating Snickers for breakfast in bed.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

My boss told me “It’s not rocket science.” Yeah, almost everything that exists is not rocket science.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,355

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

I was not meant to work a job; I was meant to lay down and ponder.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Breaking news: Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

If you don’t know how many x-rays it takes before a person develops super powers, should you really be in a medical profession?

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

The grass is only greener on the other side because of all the bullshit on it.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

I just tried on my summer wardrobe. The only thing I managed to get into was a state of panic.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

“Huh” is 94% of my vocabulary.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Apparently, when you treat someone the same way they treat you, they get offended!

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Make sure you bury me near a bathroom because death is long, and I’m sure I’ll still have to get up and pee.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Does your blood pump that way just for me?

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Guys, stop showering. I need the water for ChatGPT.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

How did we decide to go with cockpit?

Shared recently on Instagram:

I’d like to thank the municipal snow plow for recreating the wall from Game of Thrones at the end of my driveway.

Just landed via Facebook:

You know it’s been a successful Thanksgiving when your clothes no longer fit.

Just landed via Facebook:

The night before a day off is more satisfying than the actual day off.

Live now on LinkedIn:

How late is too late to still be lying in bed, naked, drinking coffee?

Spotted on YouTube:

If I turned into a “teen wolf”, my first order of business would definitely be helping my basketball team get to the local championships.

Breaking via YouTube:

Unfortunately for things, they have no choice but to work out for me.

Making waves on Instagram:

The sandwich I made for lunch didn’t even make it until 10am.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Super quick question: does anyone know what the point is?

Just shared via YouTube:

Netflix & by yourself.

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