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Time is precious, waste it wisely.

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Any room can be an escape room when you have diarrhea.

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I’ve walked the walk, but nowadays I just sit the sit.

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I wonder how many different vegetables they exploded before they discovered popcorn.

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You donโ€™t need fun to have alcohol.

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Since I stopped texting first, I haven’t heard from a lot of people in a while.

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Itโ€™s like 10,000 yawns when all you need is a nap.

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Iโ€™m so lazy that Iโ€™ll break my tooth trying to get this tag off before I get up and get a scissor.

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Hobosexual. A person who dates you with the sole interest of having a place to stay.

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If you donโ€™t have at least one white friend named โ€œMattโ€, then you are Matt.

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Most insane people live outside of madhouses.

Most insane people live outside of madhouses.

Commentary:
"Ah, yes, the real insanity is thriving out in the wild – who needs the structure of a madhouse anyway? ๐Ÿคช๐Ÿ  Out there, madness roams free, blending seamlessly with the chaos of everyday life. It's a jungle out there, quite literally! ๐ŸŒฟ๐Ÿฆ #LivingOnTheEdge"



Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has copied:

No matter how much Polynesian food you eat, you always want Samoa.

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The horror: โ€œCome on, Iโ€™ll introduce you to everyone.”

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They should invent a good thing that happens.

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I wasnโ€™t feeling well so I googled my symptoms. I either have allergies or I died two days ago.

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Of course, a wife can complain to her mother-in-law. She has every right to complain to the manufacturer.

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Welcome to your 40s: hereโ€™s ten pounds.

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The collective noun for a group of reply guys is an audacity.

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A good man is hard to find, but a babysitter for Friday night is harder.

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Back in my day, we had to walk to the TV to change the channel. Uphill, both ways!

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Take a broken girl, fix her. And she will go back to the same guy again.